I say my secret superpower is detecting Indian flatbread in any given room.
My friends all say it's naan-sense.
New invention for detecting boob sweat
I shall call it the Humidititty
Starting a new methane detecting drone business..
we fly over cow lots and check the dairy airs.
My wife said, "You act like a detective too much, I want to split up."
"Good idea!" I replied. "We can cover more ground that way!"
What do you call a crocodile that is a detective?
What do you feel when your phone can't detect your bluetooth device ?
There's a detective named Frederick Lee...
His teammate is an anthropomorphic pig who wore a hood like little red riding hood. The pig’s name was Boar-Hood. So this one time, I wanted them to check out a masked menace in New York City. Fred wanted to lead the investigation. But since the criminal’s mask was animal themed, I said to them, “Fred Lee: nay. Boar-hood: spy the man”
A detective was investigating a murder. He soon found that the murder weapon was the bag of the murderer and it had their name on it.
What do you get when you cross a mason and a detective?
Some say, that’s the best detective out there.
"There's a 60% chance the killer shot the victim from this spot right here and a 40% chance he shot from over there", said the detective.
"This concludes my probaballistic report."
What is a corrupt detective called?
The detective bent over to study a clue just as an unknown projectile whizzed by
He sensed something amiss
2 Detectives are covering a case with a farmer
Detective 1: explain what happened please
Farmer: someone has been stealing my radishes for the past 2 months!
Detective 1: what do you think detective 2?
Detective 2: idk Beets me...
What do you call a reptilian detective that wears a sleeveless shirt that just can't let something go?
What will Quentin Tarantino be called if he gets detected with COVID-19?
The police department made all homicide detectives stay under quarantine for two weeks.
>!They had coroner-virus.
What do you call a constipated detective?
Why are detectives fascinated by female trees?
Because they’re all mysteries.
A comic series my friend is making about a mustachioed private detective, Jim Velvet and his bumbling partner Humphrey
Detective at work
https://preview.redd.it/1v785xijzcg41.jpg?width=272&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=657f7c0b5d34023420c9b6a75ea11855b5990961
Did you hear about the police detective with the secret clamp collection?
He had a vice vise vice.
It helped him put the squeeze on suspects.
Within minutes, the detectives figured out what the murder weapon was.
Why do ducks make great detectives?
They always quack the case.
What is an app which will detect roaches creeping on you?
Mobile developers - APProach
Detective Johnson and detective Smith were investigating a murder that occurred next to a playground. The only witnesses to the murder were four children, a brother age 3 and sister age 4, and a different brother (age 7) and sister (age 8).
The children all lived in a nearby apartment complex. The younger siblings lived in apartment 8D and the older ones lived in apartment 9D. Detective Johnson advised Detective Smith that she probably shouldn’t bother question 8D’s children about what they saw, since they’re too young to have a reliable memory. He believed that Smith would have a better chance of getting good information from the older children, since only 9D’s kids will remember.
Who's the world's most famous skeleton detective?
Two policemen, an officer and a detective, are investigating a murder scene.
The officer says, "Huh. They left the bills, but took the coins. Any ideas, detective?"
The detective replies, "Just another centsless crime, officer."
I'm color blind and the other day I thought I could actually detect purple...
...but it was just a pigment of my imagination.
Two detectives interrogate a 37 year old mute man. The detectives give the man a notepad which he scribbles on for a few seconds, and hands back to them.
A detective was standing on a cliff, and said
“Im going to get to the bottom of this!”
Two detectives were investigating a murder at a construction site
The evidence wasn't concrete.
Where do pirate detectives work?
What do you call a rich detective?
A metal detector!
^Sorry ^if ^someone's ^made ^this ^before, ^I ^haven't ^seen ^it
What do you call a machine that can read books and make reviews about them, but sadly can only detect red font?
A friend of mine once told me that the best superpower would be the ability to detect the presence of Indian bread.
I said “That’s naan-sense!”
The detective is on the case (low effort)
What did the Iris detective say after resting his case?
Why do potatoes make good detectives?
Because they’re eyes are always peeled!
There was a murder. The detective suspected the artist first...
A detective walks into a restaurant
A detective has found the criminal who stole this lady's baggage, all in an hour.
Turns out it was a brief case.
Thieves have broken into and stolen all the toilets at the Police Station
Detectives have nothing to go on
What do Birds and Detectives have in common?
They are both In-de-skies
Detectives do have feet
Why are feet so good at knowing crime?
Because they know when crime is A-FOOT
who named it detective pikachu instead of picatchyou
*Detective Pickachu spoiler warning* Why was the pikachu so funny?
Because he was dad on the inside.
What did the detective say when he found bread from France at a crime scene?
Why was the detectives daughter always pissed at him?
Why do detectives have such bad posture?
Because they always have a hunch.
I read about one famous detective. Man was always catching criminals by simple luck. Either he would just luckily stumble across damning evidence or luckily catch the criminal in the act.
I think his name was Sheer luck Holmes
I heard a new detective is in town.
He Sherlocks his Holmes well.
How do detectives protect their homes from robberies at night
Pun appreciation because the guy I’m seeing is too slow to get it
him: ugh I wish you could squirt
me: wtf I don’t call out all your flaws so don’t call out my short cummings
Why do gravediggers make really good detectives?
Because they do nothing but dig up plots and they know where all the bodies are buried.
I built and sold a machine which can detect and remove carbon monoxide from the air.
My customer says he is very happy with the CO-OPERATION
Why doesn’t the smartphone like the detective?
Because he always cracks the case.
Out of work?
I hear the detective agency is looking for people.
After going to an escape room. My wife keeps saying that I’m acting too much like a detective. So much so she wants us to split up!
Good idea, I thought . We can cover more ground that way.
Detective movies often feature pretzels in them.
They both have a lot of twists.
How did the detective find out about the murder of crows?
What do you get when you cross Santa Claus with a detective?
My detective friend stores all his old work in pieces of luggage
He says it's on a case by case basis
Channel Shark News
I wrote a little skit for my grandkids let's see how much I remember. CHUM 8 news Ted Hammerhead reporting with sky Chompter traffic report. Top story, a lone shark, who is a loan shark is alone in the dark making loans to sharks! There is a new place to gamble, the place is full of sharks who turn out to be card sharks playing card games with sharks on the cards. Imagune the dogs playing poker for this story, but it's sharks. The other reporter asks Ted Hammerhead how he did on his recent drivers test, Ted responds "nailed it". Crime scene where a clown has been killed and the Detective states, " No way a shark did this as they taste funny". On a comment about the victim. I never did the weather or figured out names for the other reporters we used to laugh and laugh at my stupid puns.
Edit: I can't spell fixed typos
I invented a device that can detect physical violence
It runs on a watch battery.
The detective found the stolen leather bag in under a minute.
Did you ever hear about detective Rear?
He had some tough cases but, he always got to the bottom of it.
What did the hazelnut spread say to the detective?
I'm nuttelling you anything without my lawyer present
What do you call a constipated detective
What do you call a reptilian detective that wears sleeveless shirts and just can't let something go?
Within minutes, the detective knew exactly what the murder weapon was.
Within minutes, the detectives figured out what the murder weapon was.
Why do ducks make great detectives?
They always quack the case.
Within minutes, the detective figured out what the murder weapon was.
Why do ducks make great detectives?
They always quack the case.
Why do ducks make great detectives?
They always quack the case.
What do you call an alligator detective?
Why do ducks make great detectives?
They always quack the case.
My wife said that I act like a detective too much and that she wants to split up.
I told her good idea, we can cover more ground that way.
What do you call a constipated detective
Within minutes, the detectives figured out what the murder weapon was.
What’s a constipated detective called?
What do you call a constipated detective?
How do you call a constipated detective?
What do you call a constipated detective?
Why do potatoes make such good detectives?
Because they always have their eyes peeled.
What do you call a crocodillian detective?
Why are ducks the best detectives?
They know how to quack the case
My wife said, "You act like a detective too much. I want to split up."
"Good idea!" I replied. "We can cover more ground that way!"
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