I propose we start a daily competition.
Each day the winner of the pervious days thread provides the word for the day.
Then you lovely lot will go off into reddit and try make the best pun around that word/phrase you can, and link your best result in that days thread. The comment with the most up votes wins for the day. Only one pun per account per day.
Ill start with a relatively easy one: Pun
I call that time period Crunch Time.
Son: Daddy, where is Thomas? Daddy: I don’t know, mate. Son: He must be working from home today.
Is this his first dad joke?? Strange what they must be picking up from conversations. Got me good.
Smells like teen spirit
D’oh, Ray Mears, Farce, Sew, Latte Dough.
It's Thyme to stop.
I kneaded very much
“Grande macchiato with oat milk, please.”
The cashier started to process his order, until the man asked “Why are you wearing a surgical mask?”
“I’m not”, said the barista, “it’s a coughy filter”.
Not a Nether meeting!
He is now high on my list of priorities.
logarithmically
Me neither, I get the Times.
A brush with death
I don't know what a band knows about health, but I take it with a grain of salt.
She says that's because missing church for seven days makes one weak!
And he was known as Pavlov Escobar.
Single handedly!!!
Punch line.
My wife insists that it's dyslexia.
...and then it dawned on me she's just checking her peemail.
I suppose this morning's half-hearted squat to pee while moving was a reply-all.
You know what they say though, "Punny doesn't grow on trees..."
Out of 20 I’d say my singing level is like a tenor eleven.
Before I could put my own shoes on I would always ask m dad for help and This was his response every damn time.
me "daddy can you put my shoes on please"
Dad. "I can but I don't think they will fit me"
Followed this my dad would laugh hysterically and me whining saying "Nooo on meeeeee".
The cross roads
They probably installed Dadblock Plus.
After lunch, walking back to the office with two of my colleagues. One of them is carrying a lemon. The other one asks him: "Do you want me to help you with that lemon? So I could be your lemonaide"
sigh...
...Now guess which of the two is a dad
Alas, I'm not a very good poet.
In fact, my manager told me he's never seen such a wretched scribe of scrum and villanelle.
Enough to say she ate.
Brexit tacos - leaves eu satisfied
Me: Hey, what are the units for power?
Friend: Watt.
Me: I said, what are the units for power?
Friend: Watt.
Me: No, I said what are the units for power?
Friend: JOULES PER SECOND
Google Allo comes with what they are calling Google Assistant. You can ask it to tell you jokes and so far they are all like dad jokes. What's more you can have it schedule a daily delivery at a certain time.
For example here are some:
> Why did the coffee taste like mud? >> Because it was ground just a couple of minutes ago ☕️
> How do you get over a fear of elevators? >> Just take some steps to avoid them!
(Son wanting to be amused while I'm writing around with a terrible case of flu.)
Me: "I'm sorry, buddy. I'm dying here." Son: "If you die, who will tell me stupid jokes?" Me: "I'll come back from the grave to torture you with stupid dad jokes." Son: "Like a zombie?" Me: "Like the pun-dead."
http://imgur.com/x5iNUKD
He’s now high on my list of priorities.
