A daily pun thread

I propose we start a daily competition.

Each day the winner of the pervious days thread provides the word for the day.

Then you lovely lot will go off into reddit and try make the best pun around that word/phrase you can, and link your best result in that days thread. The comment with the most up votes wins for the day. Only one pun per account per day.

Ill start with a relatively easy one: Pun

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πŸ‘€︎ u/biddlyboing
πŸ“…︎ Feb 05 2019
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More daily puns from the Inversnecky Cafe in Aberdeen, Scotland.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/89Dan
πŸ“…︎ May 21 2018
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I have sex daily

Edit: I have dyslexia*

πŸ‘︎ 1k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/killtrevor
πŸ“…︎ Jan 03 2021
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On my pill bottle it says, "Take I pill daily and keep away from children."

Why!! What happens to children after I've taken my pill ?

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Apr 07 2021
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My doctor wrote me a prescription for daily sex

But my wife insists it's for Dyslexia

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Johnny_Two_Timez
πŸ“…︎ Jan 20 2021
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Given that a case of the sniffles means staying home from school, we give my daughter a daily allergy medicine. My wife was giving her breakfast before school, and when I walked out, I asked if she’d had her medicine yet.

My daughter said yes, and I replied, β€œSo you’re de-Claritin that you’ve had it already?”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/bpcombs
πŸ“…︎ Jan 17 2021
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Peter Parker lost his photographer job at the Daily Bugle

Now he works in web development.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/riversquid
πŸ“…︎ Jan 27 2021
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We draw puns for each other daily.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/AllisonRTyler
πŸ“…︎ Dec 15 2020
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A legit conversation today with my 2 1/2 year old son as we do our daily stroll past a train station that for once, has no trains stationed...

Son: Daddy, where is Thomas? Daddy: I don’t know, mate. Son: He must be working from home today.

Is this his first dad joke?? Strange what they must be picking up from conversations. Got me good.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/dens382
πŸ“…︎ Apr 25 2020
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Use daily
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Tarlungs1104666
πŸ“…︎ Jul 29 2020
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My 16 year old son spilled wine while I was doing my daily breathing exercises..

Smells like teen spirit

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πŸ‘€︎ u/stent_kush
πŸ“…︎ Aug 13 2020
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I give myself 30 minutes in my daily schedule to do abs.

I call that time period Crunch Time.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Lol_u_ded
πŸ“…︎ Sep 25 2020
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I'm so damn tired of these daily repetitive boring Herb jokes. Honestly..

It's Thyme to stop.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/HugoZHackenbush2
πŸ“…︎ Jul 12 2020
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Julie Andrews’ Daily Schedule: 1. Impersonate Homer Simpson 2. Read about bushcraft 3. Watch ludicrously silly play 4. Replace button on blouse 5. Start making coffee flavoured bread

D’oh, Ray Mears, Farce, Sew, Latte Dough.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Raoul24601
πŸ“…︎ Aug 23 2020
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From the daily sign of the El Arroyo restaurant in Austin TX
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πŸ‘€︎ u/abaganoush
πŸ“…︎ Feb 16 2020
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I almost missed my daily dough

I kneaded very much

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πŸ“…︎ May 21 2020
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A local man shows up to his local Starbucks for his daily cup of coffee.

β€œGrande macchiato with oat milk, please.”

The cashier started to process his order, until the man asked β€œWhy are you wearing a surgical mask?”

β€œI’m not”, said the barista, β€œit’s a coughy filter”.

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πŸ“…︎ May 08 2020
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I don't get it (Puns Daily calendar)
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Heidirs
πŸ“…︎ Jan 09 2020
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My stoner friend used my daily agenda notebook to roll up a joint.

He is now high on my list of priorities.

πŸ‘︎ 11k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Mar 30 2018
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What did the Minecraft developer say when he looked as his daily schedule?

Not a Nether meeting!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/-the-BoneChurch
πŸ“…︎ May 02 2020
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This was an interesting pun from my daily life.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/superangela13
πŸ“…︎ Nov 22 2019
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With daily practice, the lumberjack’s musical ability improved

logarithmically

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πŸ‘€︎ u/vbloke
πŸ“…︎ Mar 19 2020
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Why did the chicken cross the road? To get the Daily News! Get it?

Me neither, I get the Times.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/tupacwolverine
πŸ“…︎ Nov 06 2019
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What does a funeral home hair stylist handle on a daily basis?

A brush with death

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πŸ‘€︎ u/boogerknows
πŸ“…︎ Nov 12 2019
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Here's Your Daily Dose Of Encourage Mint!
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πŸ‘€︎ u/gurmehar
πŸ“…︎ Mar 19 2018
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I eat a lot of salt, but the WHO suggests consuming 2,000 mg of sodium daily.

I don't know what a band knows about health, but I take it with a grain of salt.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/berriobvious
πŸ“…︎ Sep 09 2019
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There was a drug dealer who had conditioned his men such that whenever the clock struck 12 at midnight, they would come to him for their daily stash.

And he was known as Pavlov Escobar.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/The_Jokster
πŸ“…︎ Feb 01 2019
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I would visit this restaurant on the daily
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πŸ‘€︎ u/gingitbros
πŸ“…︎ Nov 07 2018
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I have sex daily

Sorry, I meant dyslexia

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πŸ‘€︎ u/DaveyJonesy1990
πŸ“…︎ Aug 02 2018
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My very religious Aunt attends mass daily.

She says that's because missing church for seven days makes one weak!

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πŸ“…︎ Sep 23 2019
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How do one armed people go about the it daily routines?

Single handedly!!!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/GamingGod07770
πŸ“…︎ May 12 2019
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Duck's Daily Routine youtube.com/watch?v=FQ0QI…
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Bad_Bobby2009
πŸ“…︎ Nov 04 2018
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A group of kindergarteners stand single file, anticipating their daily juice boxes.

Punch line.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Rahzek
πŸ“…︎ Nov 10 2018
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I always wondered why my dog has to stop and sniff a ton of things for ages on our daily walks...

...and then it dawned on me she's just checking her peemail.

I suppose this morning's half-hearted squat to pee while moving was a reply-all.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Batshit_Betty
πŸ“…︎ Jun 18 2018
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I wish I had a dollar for every Dad joke, turn of phrase, or play on words I manage to rattle off on a daily basis.

You know what they say though, "Punny doesn't grow on trees..."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/FrogGentlemen
πŸ“…︎ Jun 05 2017
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My dad used to get me and my little sister with this daily.

Before I could put my own shoes on I would always ask m dad for help and This was his response every damn time.

me "daddy can you put my shoes on please"

Dad. "I can but I don't think they will fit me"

Followed this my dad would laugh hysterically and me whining saying "Nooo on meeeeee".

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Skin969
πŸ“…︎ Feb 28 2014
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I sing on a daily Bass-is

Out of 20 I’d say my singing level is like a tenor eleven.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ObligatoryStory
πŸ“…︎ Dec 11 2017
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I email my kids Dad jokes daily, but they never seem to respond.

They probably installed Dadblock Plus.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Jul 17 2018
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The motorists always got angry at the same place on their daily commute

The cross roads

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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Sep 14 2018
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This is what I have to deal with on a daily basis

After lunch, walking back to the office with two of my colleagues. One of them is carrying a lemon. The other one asks him: "Do you want me to help you with that lemon? So I could be your lemonaide"

sigh...

...Now guess which of the two is a dad

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πŸ‘€︎ u/derSchmiddi
πŸ“…︎ Apr 26 2016
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I've started writing my updates for my team's daily meetings in the form of a nineteen-line poem with two rhymes throughout, consisting of five tercets and a quatrain.

Alas, I'm not a very good poet.

In fact, my manager told me he's never seen such a wretched scribe of scrum and villanelle.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Asmor
πŸ“…︎ Aug 21 2017
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How much does an active woman need to eat daily?

Enough to say she ate.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ganzhimself
πŸ“…︎ Jun 04 2018
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Daily Special

Brexit tacos - leaves eu satisfied

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πŸ‘€︎ u/thesheepishlord
πŸ“…︎ Jun 24 2016
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Not a dad, but this happens daily in my physics class.

Me: Hey, what are the units for power?

Friend: Watt.

Me: I said, what are the units for power?

Friend: Watt.

Me: No, I said what are the units for power?

Friend: JOULES PER SECOND

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πŸ‘€︎ u/epicblob
πŸ“…︎ Nov 02 2014
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I have daily sex

Edit: I have dyslexia*

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/viky_boy
πŸ“…︎ Jan 05 2021
🚨︎ report
I have daily sex.

... I mean, dyslexia.

πŸ‘︎ 320
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πŸ‘€︎ u/RealTheAsh
πŸ“…︎ Jul 04 2020
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My doctor wrote me a prescription for daily sex.

My wife insists that it's dyslexia.

πŸ‘︎ 70
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πŸ‘€︎ u/derawin07
πŸ“…︎ Jan 29 2018
🚨︎ report

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