Jeff, a semi colon, and an Oxford comma walk into a bar.

They both have a great time.

馃憤︎ 12k
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馃懁︎ u/porichoygupto
馃搮︎ Dec 09 2020
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Doctor: I'm sorry but we have to remove half of your colon

Me; What?

馃憤︎ 13
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馃懁︎ u/gssn-nospace
馃搮︎ Jan 13 2021
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Doctor: I鈥檓 afraid we鈥檙e going to have to remove your colon.

Me Why?

馃憤︎ 345
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馃懁︎ u/justbeatitTTD
馃搮︎ Oct 22 2020
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I had a cancer scare recently. The doctor said I may have full blown colon cancer

Thankfully it鈥檚 just semicolon cancer

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馃懁︎ u/middleraged
馃搮︎ Oct 02 2020
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Or the colon had a great idea
馃憤︎ 3
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馃懁︎ u/Satanic_Smaug
馃搮︎ May 16 2020
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The Semi colon is an important part of what?

The Semi-truck鈥檚 digestive system

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馃懁︎ u/Ra1ds4ad0w
馃搮︎ Jun 12 2020
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The semicolon was invented because the colon was lonely...

It just wanted a little comma-raderie.

馃憤︎ 13
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馃懁︎ u/bci1516
馃搮︎ Mar 06 2020
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Did you hear about the semi-colon that broke the law?

It was given two consecutive sentences.

馃憤︎ 27
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馃懁︎ u/wolfy189
馃搮︎ Feb 24 2020
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If you repeat a colon in Australia,

would that give you a colon oz copy?

馃憤︎ 2
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馃搮︎ May 08 2020
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My Dad is currently riding his bicycle across America to raise awareness for Colon Cancer...

[and posted a picture of him and his bike on a rest day.] (https://i.imgur.com/IapqomG.png)

Edit: Whoa this is getting popular. I live on the other side of the world, and am about to go to bed, but I am just going to put his [donation page] (http://ccf.convio.net/site/TR?px=3433802&fr_id=1580&pg=personal) at the top of the post if anyone is interested. It is no big deal, but if someone is looking, I thought I'd put it at the top. Either way, you all are going to make his day when I show him how many people appreciated his joke. I just hope this doesn't mean that I have to laugh at all of them from now on...

馃憤︎ 5k
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馃懁︎ u/travellingby
馃搮︎ Oct 26 2017
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People who think semi-colons & commas are the same, are missing the point.
馃憤︎ 106
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馃懁︎ u/cactuscrash
馃搮︎ Jun 28 2019
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A colon can completely change the meaning of a sentence
馃憤︎ 33
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馃搮︎ Jun 12 2019
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My wife was just recently diagnosed with colorectal cancer and now has surgery scheduled to remove a couple of inches of her colon. I expect her grammar will improve as a result.

... Because she's going to have to learn how to use a semicolon.

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馃懁︎ u/Weekend833
馃搮︎ Sep 19 2019
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They found tumors in my colon.

But I rectum.

馃憤︎ 7
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馃搮︎ Sep 17 2019
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TIL colons can change the meaning of a sentence drastically: "Jane ate her friend's lunch." would become:

"Jane ate her friend's colon."

馃憤︎ 10
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馃懁︎ u/redrockit06
馃搮︎ Jun 15 2019
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I had part of my colon removed

Now I have a semi-colon.

馃憤︎ 15
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馃懁︎ u/N1NJA_CAR1B0U
馃搮︎ Jan 08 2019
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Shout out to my colon

For doing me a solid

馃憤︎ 4
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馃搮︎ Jul 22 2019
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I told my dad I joke I came across on Reddit-. Doctor: We're going to have to remove your colon. Me Why? He responded with:

As long. as it doesn't. give. you irregular. periods.

馃憤︎ 2
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馃懁︎ u/7in7
馃搮︎ Jul 17 2019
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Colon Cancer Screening
馃憤︎ 8
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馃懁︎ u/RyanJT324
馃搮︎ Jun 29 2018
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A colon got a promotion at work.

They call him the ascending colon.

馃憤︎ 4
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馃懁︎ u/KarateChop231
馃搮︎ Feb 19 2019
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Came out backwords / at a loss for words / just one big bowl of soup / proper punctuation: the colon / man,ure on a roll / just stirring the pot / poo-lease stop / can't. IOU potty humor / Y you say that? / It's fun, butt OK - mind my P's and Q's - I'll put lid on it
馃憤︎ 65
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馃懁︎ u/barwhack
馃搮︎ Feb 05 2017
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Dr. Is recommending I get part of my colon removed...

I am just worried about becoming a semi colon

馃憤︎ 4
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馃懁︎ u/mrhjx
馃搮︎ Dec 14 2018
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r/funny sent me here... My dad had surgery this morning to remove a cancerous section of his colon. He's still got his sense of humor. (X-post from r/funny) imgur.com/ZlOIj9q
馃憤︎ 596
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馃懁︎ u/Sigogglin
馃搮︎ Oct 29 2013
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I hate my colon.

He's an asshole.

馃憤︎ 4
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馃搮︎ Nov 26 2014
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Hey dad, looks like Renee has to have colon surgery.

Dad responded, "when they are done she'll have a semi-colon!"

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馃懁︎ u/Mark____
馃搮︎ Jan 26 2014
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Colon Surgery

It was a while ago, so I forget the exact circumstances, but I remember walking in the hospital room where my dad was just after he had surgery done on his colon. Lying there, still heavily sedated, he laughed a little and said:

"I feel bad for my doctor. He works with real assholes."

馃憤︎ 5
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馃懁︎ u/Nater5000
馃搮︎ Jul 17 2014
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You need to know that my last name is Colon

My friend's dad saw me at church by myself and goes "since you're here without your family, does that make you a semicolon?"

馃憤︎ 3
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馃懁︎ u/emscolon
馃搮︎ Oct 14 2014
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On Colon Polyps

Dad Question: Do you know why I have so many polyps? Dad Response: Crappy Genetics, get it?!

馃憤︎ 3
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馃懁︎ u/murmalerm
馃搮︎ Nov 27 2013
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Doctor: I'm sorry, but I had to remove your colon

Me why?

馃憤︎ 17k
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馃懁︎ u/professorf
馃搮︎ Jun 30 2020
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Doctor: I'm afraid we've had to remove your colon

Me Why?

馃憤︎ 9k
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馃懁︎ u/Rhienor
馃搮︎ Jun 17 2019
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Doctor: I鈥檓 sorry but I had to remove a section of your colon.

Me;

馃憤︎ 4
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馃懁︎ u/CodyClay1
馃搮︎ Jun 30 2020
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Doctor: I had to take your colon.

Me why?

馃憤︎ 98
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馃搮︎ Jun 06 2019
馃毃︎ report
What happened when the semi-colon broke grammar laws?

He was given two consecutive sentences.

馃憤︎ 13
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馃懁︎ u/jesslees24
馃搮︎ Oct 26 2019
馃毃︎ report
Doctor: we had to remove your colon

Me why

馃憤︎ 2
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馃懁︎ u/broshaine
馃搮︎ Dec 30 2019
馃毃︎ report
Jeff, a semi colon, and an Oxford comma walk into a bar.

They both have a good time.

馃憤︎ 63
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馃懁︎ u/porichoygupto
馃搮︎ Feb 28 2019
馃毃︎ report
My doctor had to remove half my colon

I call it my semicolon

馃憤︎ 11
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馃懁︎ u/imthexbot
馃搮︎ Oct 10 2013
馃毃︎ report

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