The prep is the shits!!
$150??!!! Man, that shit was expensive!
But it was right up there.
Me: forget it...its a pain in the ass.
You are the only people who really know me inside out.
A GoProbe
Credit to my wife for this one. I'm so proud of her, she really outdid me with this one.
Ok..... get your ass in the car and letβs get this shit show on the road!
Now Iβm in arrears.
"Doctor, could you write a note for my wife letting her know my head isn't up there?"
So my dad being mid 50's with stomach issues had to get a colonoscopy. He goes under and as soon as he wakes up he says to this young female nurse, "I had a dream that I was in a prison movie."
"Doctor, since you put me to sleep during the procedure, you weren't at all a pain in my ass."
He says the proctologist started laughing, but I have my doubts.
Me: "Are you all right dad? It wasn't too bad, was it?"
Dad: "It was a pain in the arse."
he said it was a pain in the ass
My parents and I were eating dinner and talking about how Joan Rivers died after being put under anesthesia for a procedure that could have been forgone. My mom, a doctor, compared it to a colonoscopy in the sense that it is a routine procedure you get put under anesthesia for but you don't expect to die from.
Dad: Can't they perform colonoscopies now by having the patient swallow a pill with a camera?
Mom/Dr: They can but they won't be able to see the whole colon.
Dad: So, semicolon?
They send electricity through your nerves to see the response time. I was shocked to find out I have carpel tunnel syndrome.
It runs until Friday.
All bums will be able to get colonoscopies.
... Because she's going to have to learn how to use a semicolon.
Years ago I thought my βcommunicatorβ would be used to beam me aboard my ship, or call for assistance in case of hostile aliens. Instead, it reminds me to take out the trash and that my colonoscopy is due.
My mom is going in for a colonoscopy this morning. Maybe a polyp, maybe cancer, maybe not.
I hugged her this morning and said "Good luck."
She replied "Oh, thanks. I hope it'll come out alright in the end."
I was devastated. Damn!
Mom: The doctor says I have to go for a colonoscopy next week.
Dad: That's a bummer.
My dad is going to have a colonoscopy in the morning. I told her the news, then followed with...
"I sure hope my dad doesn't make an ass of himself tomorrow." She gives me a courtesy smile. So I try another...
"If he has any questions, I don't think he'll feel too shy to assssk." Nothing.
Then she says, "I hope the doctor has a good rebuttal for all these terrible jokes."
Boom. Roasted.
My uncle was talking about how terrible his colonoscopy went and my dad replies, "just think of it as a pain in the ass".
I'm at the hospital and I need some hospital related puns now!
