My dad is having a colonoscopy today butt he should be fine.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/BBgotMak
πŸ“…︎ Sep 27 2019
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I just got my doctors bill for the bowel prep before my colonoscopy

$150??!!! Man, that shit was expensive!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/AustralianGroan
πŸ“…︎ Apr 17 2020
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The colonoscopy wasn't the best experience of my life.

But it was right up there.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/TommehBoi
πŸ“…︎ Jan 16 2020
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My friend asked me about the process of colonoscopy.

Me: forget it...its a pain in the ass.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Baldomccoy
πŸ“…︎ Jun 29 2019
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Had colonoscopy the other day and laid this one on the doctors while waiting to pass out: I'm gonna put you guys down in my resume as references.

You are the only people who really know me inside out.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/kenef
πŸ“…︎ Feb 17 2019
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I drove my wife to a colonoscopy this morning. As we were leaving the house I told her…

Ok..... get your ass in the car and let’s get this shit show on the road!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/jaw0012
πŸ“…︎ Mar 15 2019
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What kind of camera did they use for your colonoscopy?

A GoProbe

Credit to my wife for this one. I'm so proud of her, she really outdid me with this one.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ATMollen
πŸ“…︎ Mar 10 2019
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I forgot to pay my colonoscopy bill.

Now I’m in arrears.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/gnosticpopsicle
πŸ“…︎ Jul 24 2018
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My dad recounted today what he said during his Colonoscopy....

"Doctor, could you write a note for my wife letting her know my head isn't up there?"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/SoDakZak
πŸ“…︎ Jul 09 2017
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My dad's joke after a colonoscopy

So my dad being mid 50's with stomach issues had to get a colonoscopy. He goes under and as soon as he wakes up he says to this young female nurse, "I had a dream that I was in a prison movie."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Killerman927
πŸ“…︎ Mar 27 2017
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My grandfather said this to his proctologist after a colonoscopy

"Doctor, since you put me to sleep during the procedure, you weren't at all a pain in my ass."

He says the proctologist started laughing, but I have my doubts.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/evthehustler
πŸ“…︎ Jul 26 2015
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My dad had a colonoscopy...

Me: "Are you all right dad? It wasn't too bad, was it?"

Dad: "It was a pain in the arse."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/IanWoansBatCave
πŸ“…︎ May 14 2015
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I asked my dad how his colonoscopy went

he said it was a pain in the ass

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Iamthenolan
πŸ“…︎ Nov 06 2013
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Colonoscopies are just as painful as a dad joke punch line

My parents and I were eating dinner and talking about how Joan Rivers died after being put under anesthesia for a procedure that could have been forgone. My mom, a doctor, compared it to a colonoscopy in the sense that it is a routine procedure you get put under anesthesia for but you don't expect to die from.

Dad: Can't they perform colonoscopies now by having the patient swallow a pill with a camera?

Mom/Dr: They can but they won't be able to see the whole colon.

Dad: So, semicolon?

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πŸ‘€︎ u/FollowillFan
πŸ“…︎ Sep 08 2014
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On Monday we start diarrhoea awareness week.

It runs until Friday.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/althistorysports
πŸ“…︎ Mar 28 2020
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Do you know what will happen if we pass universal healthcare?

All bums will be able to get colonoscopies.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/conundrumbombs
πŸ“…︎ May 19 2020
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My wife was just recently diagnosed with colorectal cancer and now has surgery scheduled to remove a couple of inches of her colon. I expect her grammar will improve as a result.

... Because she's going to have to learn how to use a semicolon.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Weekend833
πŸ“…︎ Sep 19 2019
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Bum me up!

Years ago I thought my β€œcommunicator” would be used to beam me aboard my ship, or call for assistance in case of hostile aliens. Instead, it reminds me to take out the trash and that my colonoscopy is due.

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πŸ“…︎ Feb 07 2020
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Mom laughed in the face of cancer with a dad joke this morning...

My mom is going in for a colonoscopy this morning. Maybe a polyp, maybe cancer, maybe not.

I hugged her this morning and said "Good luck."

She replied "Oh, thanks. I hope it'll come out alright in the end."

I was devastated. Damn!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Rasalom
πŸ“…︎ Jan 29 2016
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Dad, what's "innuendo"?

"A colonoscopy"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/xwhy
πŸ“…︎ Feb 06 2018
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Doctor's Appointment

Mom: The doctor says I have to go for a colonoscopy next week.

Dad: That's a bummer.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Game7
πŸ“…︎ Sep 15 2013
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I got my wife, then she got me...

My dad is going to have a colonoscopy in the morning. I told her the news, then followed with...

"I sure hope my dad doesn't make an ass of himself tomorrow." She gives me a courtesy smile. So I try another...

"If he has any questions, I don't think he'll feel too shy to assssk." Nothing.

Then she says, "I hope the doctor has a good rebuttal for all these terrible jokes."

Boom. Roasted.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/CowboyColin
πŸ“…︎ Apr 15 2015
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A dadjoke to a fellow dad

My uncle was talking about how terrible his colonoscopy went and my dad replies, "just think of it as a pain in the ass".

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πŸ‘€︎ u/kwazzymoto
πŸ“…︎ Dec 29 2013
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I NEED HOSPITAL REALTED PUNS RIGHT NOW

I'm at the hospital and I need some hospital related puns now!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Nintendo_megameme
πŸ“…︎ Nov 14 2016
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My dad told me he got a colonoscopy

He said the doctor didn't find his head up there.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/kohlio
πŸ“…︎ May 28 2014
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