It's called Habitat for Huge Manatees.
When I walked in the place was great, everything was perfect apart from the kitchen. There were gas mains but no cooker! Work surfaces and water pipes, but no sink; empty plugs and spaces for where the fridge and freezer should sit.
When I bought the house I was told it was fully furnished! Furious, I called up intending to give whomever answered an earful.
I was told that everything should be arriving individually, and the house is being used as an experiment for completely autonomous, self thinking kitchen appliances!
Before I could reply there was a knock on the door. I opened it and a stove strolled in, tilted forward in a bow, slid past me and set itself into its spot! Even attaching itself to the gas mains!
Later that day another knock at the door signalled the arrival of the fridge and freezer.(who had travelled together) They bowed and sat themselves perfectly in place in my new kitchen. I was beaming!
That evening I was explaining to my wife how the appliances had arrived, when came another knock at the door. “This technology is going to change the world, I swear it!” I told her. “Can you answer the door? I’ve been on my feet all day”
“Yeah,” she replied, less enthusiastic than I,“but it’ll get to a point when humans are completely inferior.” She explained “When these machines develop such sentience, what’s stopping them from overthrowing us?” “Treating us as slaves, like we to them now?” She asked, distraught at theses ideas.
Knock knock
“It’s best not to worry about these things,” I said in an attempt to alleviate her fears.
“There are people- professionals developing contingencies for any possible future robot uprising!” “That future you’re frightened about is purely science fiction right now, and the way our collective knowledge and application of technology has advanced, (Even in the past 50 years!) our own scientists and engineers will be able to crush any worries we may have when the time comes.” I explained.
She sighed, agreeing somewhat reluctantly. “Don’t think on it now, have some faith!” I told her.
Knock knock
“Now let that sink in!”
A whole lot
Edit: The original punchline was “a lot” but “a whole lot” is way better.
On the outside
He igloos it together ..
It was a place of higher learning.
Should have seen the look on her face when I drove pasta.
Sir Cumference!
I said, “You’re the ones blocking!”
It didn’t do as well as hoped. Maybe they set the bar too high.
So, I handed him a glass of water.
They were already assembled.
But that's just a ballpark figure
I don’t want a lot for Christmas.
Now I live in pain
Igloos it together!!
I may be a little drunk but this is my favourite joke ever and I feel it belongs here because I’ve not seen it here yet!
But I didn’t have Room
Ancient Egyptian builder: "Well, err yeah, upto a point."
Which is kind of weird considering he could've just used bricks or something.
But it was too novel a concept
...set him on fire and he’s warm the rest of his life.
Honestly, I’m feeling a lot of pier pressure.
I told him to just leave me alone. After all, I'm just mining my own business.
Rather worried, Noah said “But my Lord, have the people not been good this time? Must there be another flood?”
“No, there will not be a flood, the people have been good.” Said the Lord.
“Then why another ark?” Asked Noah.
“I wish for this ark to only house fish.” The Lord replied.
A slightly confused Noah responded “Okay... I shall do as you wish my Lord.”
“But not just any fish; only carp.” The Lord said unto him.
Noah, now more bemused, replied “Uh- okay my Lord.”
“One more thing.” The Lord said unto him “it needs to have multiple levels.”
“Are you sure my Lord? What is the purpose of this? What on earth is it all for?” Noah pressed.
And God said: “I want you to build a multi-story carp-ark.”
Passed from my father unto me, to pass onto my son when he becomes a father.
Did he ride it? No. It wooden start
Now he’ll pave the way to success
Let's go Inuit
You take it step by step.
He instantly replied, “but mom said I couldn’t play Fort Night”
(He’s gonna be a great dad some day)
Sails have gone through the roof
igloos it together
Igloos it together
Igloo’s it together!!
Igloos it together
"Igloos it together."
Igloos it together!
Igloos it together
Igloos it together.!!!
You should of seen her face as I drove pasta.
You should have seen the look on her face as i drove pasta.
Igloos it together!
Igloos it together!
