Breaking news:
Humpty Dumpty has fallen off the wall
On the eve of a record breaking cold winter night, a wife notices her husband run to the backyard with a bucket in his hand.
She grabs a cup of hot cocoa and watches through the window as he fills the bucket up with water and races from the back of the house all the way out to the front yard and out of sight. She bundles up and goes outside to get a closer look and sees that he’s cleared the snow from the sidewalk. She watches as he takes his bucket of water and pours it out on the cold concrete. She’s puzzled for a second and then says:
Icy, what you did there.
Breaking News: Cornwall has been placed in Tier 4 lockdown.
Hundreds of pirates returned home to Penzance to celebrate Christmas with their families.
Apparently the Arrrr rate has increased dramatically.
Did you hear the news about the shovel? It's ground breaking. But the broom?
That really swept the nation.
Breaking: LEGO man gets squashed to death.
BREAKING: Iran has struck its own submarine with an underwater torpedo in the Persian Gulf, killing all 350 aboard
Don't you think the shovel was a ground-breaking invention?
(I saw this in a youtube video by Mishkali titled "Attack on Titan Dad Jokes" I'm not sure if she made the joke herself, but credit goes to whoever did.)
Breaking World News
Germany has just warned its population of an upcoming susage and cheese shortage. They are calling it the wurst käse scenario.
That is all.
BREAKING: North Korean Leader in vegetative state following surgery.
They're going to start calling him Kim Jong Un-Responsive
Breaking News. Total caos and panic as Germans are flooding supermarkets to buy sausages and cheese
That’s a wurst kase scenario
A mime in my town was arrested yesterday after breaking his left arm in a bar fight.
He still has the right to remain silent.
What does Ariana Grande say to her boyfriend when breaking up on Thanksgiving?
Trump accused the Democrats of rigging the election and breaking the law.
Joe replied “Never have I ever broken the law, I’ve always been a-Biden”
BREAKING NEWS: Eminem has just become the first celebrity to be diagnosed with Coronavirus..
In a statement released by doctors, it has been revealed that his palms were sweaty, knees weak and arms were heavy.. He presented with vomit on his sweater already.. Initial testing has revealed it was mums spaghetti
Has anyone heard the latest breaking news about the M25?
Its going all around London
Breaking News: famous cartoon character implicated in scandal!
They refused to be drawn on the matter, however.
Breaking news: a man has just been arrested for completing an origami course backwards..
We will update you as the situation unfolds.
My friend fell down a flight of steps then started looking at me without breaking eye contact...
I'm not sure why he was stairing.
BREAKING :: Lebanese President Michel Aoun states there will be no additional disaster relief funds for those affected by blast.
A real Lebaneezer Scrooge.
BREAKING: The Supreme Court ruled in favor of Dad Jokes.
They deemed it cool and amusable pun-ishment
BREAKING: A man has been stealing wheels of police cars.
The police have been working tirelessly to catch him.
BREAKING NEWS!
Man gets hit by a rental car.
Says, “It Hertz.”
On a video about breaking world border in Minecraft
BREAKING NEWS: Vietnam accidentally sank its own submarine killing all 350 on board
BREAKING NEWS: Someone just took a picture.
More on this story as it develops.
What is the most ground breaking invention of all time?
I just read about the most ground breaking invention in the history of humanity
Breaking news! Wineries across the country are forced to temporarily layoff employees.
It's being called the great Merlot furlough.
Ground breaking inventions
Breaking news, plice van crashes into cement mixer
A police van carrying 12 convicts crashed into a cement mixer.
Police are now looking for a dozen hardened criminals.
My girlfriend just called me up and told me that we were breaking up.
I went outside and the signal improved.
Breaking news: Irish officials have reported that a passenger 747 has crashed into a Belfast cemetery. Investigators have discovered over ten thousand dead bodies at the scene. One local witness at a nearby pub claimed it was a Guinness record.
To be sure. I’ll let myself out.....
Let’s start this off by breaking the ice. It’s a slippery subject, but I know we can crack it!
Breaking News: Last night someone drilled a hole into the fence surrounding the local nudist colony.
Police are looking into it.
My son went crazy running around the neighborhood breaking small twigs in everyone's yard one night...
Breaking a leg during an audition ensures that you end up in the cast.
BREAKING NEWS: New York subway car breaks down after laptop explodes. When asked what happened, the NYPD responded:
A Dell set fire to the train
I have noticed recently that my son keeps breaking into hives.
I have no idea why he hates bees so much.
A mime in my town was arrested yesterday after breaking his left arm in a bar fight.
He still has the right to remain silent.
BREAKING NEWS: A man has been spotted stealing tires from police cars
The authorities are working tirelessly to catch him!
BREAKING: Iran has struck its own submarine with an underwater torpedo in the Persian Gulf, killing all 354 aboard
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