News from a Brazilian tabloid: โ€œJhon Lennon kidnaps bus and passengers scream HELPโ€
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/guzforster
๐Ÿ“…︎ Feb 06 2020
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I heard you had sex with a Brazilian woman

Probably, how many is a Brazilian?

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/invertedparadoxxx
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jan 20 2020
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We were watching the news when the commentator said that "several Brazilian skydivers died when their parachutes failed"...

My son burst into tears. I explained, "yes, buddy, it's sad, but they knew what they were getting into". My son replied, "I know, but it's still so sad. I mean, how many are in a brazliian? Is more than a million?"

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/jfshay
๐Ÿ“…︎ Oct 13 2019
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What's the name of the Brazilian who lost his car?

Carlos.

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/moses10960
๐Ÿ“…︎ May 22 2018
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My wife used to go out with a Brazilian.....

Now she just goes out with it wild and unkempt.

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/ElderHallow
๐Ÿ“…︎ Feb 07 2019
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My Brazilian friend gets his vehicle stolen every time he buys one.

I really feel sorry for Carlos.

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/sodomicity
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jan 08 2019
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Bees attack Brazilian cops in sting gone wrong geo.tv/latest/173654-beesโ€ฆ
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/always_tripping
๐Ÿ“…︎ Dec 23 2017
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Cute Brazilian Ass on the beach
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/elitistmachine
๐Ÿ“…︎ Aug 13 2016
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How can you get free shipping for imported Brazilian monkeys? [OC]

Subscribe to Amazon Primate.

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/nrith
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jan 22 2018
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A Brazilian

Dad sent this one to me in an email about stocks this morning. Not sure about the relevance to stocks, but it's a dad joke:

A redhead and a blonde are talking.

The redhead says to the blonde, "I slept with a Brazilian!"

The blonde replies, "A Brazilian?! You Slut! How many is a Brazilian?"

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/jmurrell
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jan 28 2014
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How many Brazilians does it take to screw in a light bulb

Only one brazillion

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/OGZman
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jun 12 2017
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A girl tells her friend she slept with a Brazilian.

A girl tells her friend she slept with a Brazilian.

Her friend replies "Woah how many is that!?"

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/Pmsking
๐Ÿ“…︎ Aug 14 2015
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Dad joked my girl friend about her Brazilian wax

She was talking to me about getting a Brazilian wax done.

Her:"This place only uses hard wax, which I found interesting. Sometimes they use hard and soft wax too."

Me:"I guess there is more than one way to skin a cat."

I received the best response a dadjoke can get... The Facepalm

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/Jobe612
๐Ÿ“…︎ Feb 23 2015
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I can't believe the brazilians are allowed in the olypics

'cause its like they have a brazillion people there

*(Also we're playing a drinking game, and every time a country walks out that was formally subjugated by russia, you drink!)

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/stomaho
๐Ÿ“…︎ Feb 08 2014
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An Afghan, an Albanian, an Algerian, ...

an American, an Andorran, an Angolan, an Antiguans, an Argentine, an Armenian, an Australian, an Austrian, an Azerbaijani, a Bahamian, a Bahraini, a Bangladeshi, a Barbadian, a Barbudans, a Batswanan, a Belarusian, a Belgian, a Belizean, a Beninese, a Bhutanese, a Bolivian, a Bosnian, a Brazilian, a Brit, a Bruneian, a Bulgarian, a Burkinabe, a Burmese, a Burundian, a Cambodian, a Cameroonian, a Canadian, a Cape Verdean, a Central African, a Chadian, a Chilean, a Chinese, a Colombian, a Comoran, a Congolese, a Costa Rican, a Croatian, a Cuban, a Cypriot, a Czech, a Dane, a Djibouti, a Dominican, a Dutchman, an East Timorese, an Ecuadorean, an Egyptian, an Emirian, an Equatorial Guinean, an Eritrean, an Estonian, an Ethiopian, a Fijian, a Filipino, a Finn, a Frenchman, a Gabonese, a Gambian, a Georgian, a German, a Ghanaian, a Greek, a Grenadian, a Guatemalan, a Guinea-Bissauan, a Guinean, a Guyanese, a Haitian, a Herzegovinian, a Honduran, a Hungarian, an I-Kiribati, an Icelander, an Indian, an Indonesian, an Iranian, an Iraqi, an Irishman, an Israeli, an Italian, an Ivorian, a Jamaican, a Japanese, a Jordanian, a Kazakhstani, a Kenyan, a Kittian and Nevisian, a Kuwaiti, a Kyrgyz, a Laotian, a Latvian, a Lebanese, a Liberian, a Libyan, a Liechtensteiner, a Lithuanian, a Luxembourger, a Macedonian, a Malagasy, a Malawian, a Malaysian, a Maldivan, a Malian, a Maltese, a Marshallese, a Mauritanian, a Mauritian, a Mexican, a Micronesian, a Moldovan, a Monacan, a Mongolian, a Moroccan, a Mosotho, a Motswana, a Mozambican, a Namibian, a Nauruan, a Nepalese, a New Zealander, a Nicaraguan, a Nigerian, a Nigerien, a North Korean, a Northern Irishman, a Norwegian, an Omani, a Pakistani, a Palauan, a Palestinian, a Panamanian, a Papua New Guinean, a Paraguayan, a Peruvian, a Pole, a Portuguese, a Qatari, a Romanian, a Russian, a Rwandan, a Saint Lucian, a Salvadoran, a Samoan, a San Marinese, a Sao Tomean, a Saudi, a Scottish, a Senegalese, a Serbian, a Seychellois, a Sierra Leonean, a Singaporean, a Slovakian, a Slovenian, a Solomon Islander, a Somali, a South African, a South Korean, a Spaniard, a Sri Lankan, a Sudanese, a Surinamer, a Swazi, a Swede, a Swiss, a Syrian, a Taiwanese, a Tajik, a Tanzanian, a Togolese, a Tongan, a Trinidadian or Tobagonian, a Tunisian, a Turkish, a Tuvaluan, a Ugandan, a Ukrainian, a Uruguayan, a Uzbekistani, a Venezuelan, a Vietnamese, a Welshman, a Yemenite, a Zambian and a Zimbabwean all go to a nightclub...

The doorman stops the

... keep reading on reddit โžก

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/Chainz4Dayz
๐Ÿ“…︎ Nov 19 2020
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How many South Americans does it take to change a light bulb?

A Brazilian

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/aaronclark384
๐Ÿ“…︎ Dec 15 2020
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How many people live in South America?

At least a Brazilian.

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/iiooiooi
๐Ÿ“…︎ Nov 06 2020
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Oof
๐Ÿ‘︎ 6k
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/m07815
๐Ÿ“…︎ Mar 14 2019
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Blonde

A couple were watching the news.

"Two Brazilian men die in a skydiving accident," said the newscaster.

The blonde starts crying to her husband, sobbing... "That's horrible!!! So many men dying that way!"

Confused, he says, "Yes dear, it is sad, but they were skydiving, and there is always that risk involved."

After a few minutes, the blonde, still sobbing, says, "How many is a Brazilian?"

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/hayeshilton
๐Ÿ“…︎ May 20 2020
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I asked my girlfriend how her workout was...

She said "It was good, I did a Jillian Michaels."

To which I replied, "Wow! That's a lot of Michaels!!"

Hahahahaha I'm so funny.

๐Ÿ‘︎ 2k
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/slimjander
๐Ÿ“…︎ Sep 20 2016
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Dad and daughter come into the restaurant I work at. He was crackin me up the whole time.

They are looking through the menu and the dad points to the falafel appetizer.

Dad: How do you pronounce that one?

Me: Falafel?

Dad: No actually I feel great! Just a little bit hungry..

Daughter: (Face palm)

.

EDIT: falafel sort of sounds like feel awful.

.

and again..

.

Dad orders his daughter a slice of cake for dessert.

Me: (to daughter) Here's your dessert. and (to the Dad) I brought you a fork in case you wanted some too.

Dad: Thanks! I love fork! (begins to pretend to eat fork)

Daughter: (absolutely mortified face of embarrassment.)

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/Riggy60
๐Ÿ“…︎ Aug 25 2013
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How many firefighters does it take to put out an Amazon rainforest fire?

At least a Brazilian.

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๐Ÿ“…︎ Aug 24 2019
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I Belize this belongs here
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/grampu
๐Ÿ“…︎ May 08 2018
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Did you hear about the fossil they just found in South America?

Itโ€™s like a Brazilian years old.

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/Blickhill17
๐Ÿ“…︎ Feb 07 2019
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My dad during the ufc fights

My mom "is the guy a Brazilian?" Dad "No, he's younger than that"

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/Xdark-shinesx
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jan 04 2015
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Dad jokes are worldwide

I'm brazilian and in Brazilian portuguese is very common to ask something from someone (mainly food) by saying "me dรก um pouco/pouquinho disso?" (which means "would you give me a little of that?")

Everytime I do that to my dad, he uses two fingers to take the tiniest possible slice of the thing and give to me in my hand or plate with the most serious face possible. If I complain he procceeds to say something like "you asked a little, didn't you?". My mom everytime laughs at that.

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/lKauany
๐Ÿ“…︎ Dec 24 2013
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How many countries do you need to make a joke?

A Brazilian.

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/Dangerous_Cap
๐Ÿ“…︎ Apr 16 2019
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How many South Americans does it take to change a lightbulb?

A Brazilian

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/Trtlman
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jan 05 2020
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How many people live in Rio?

A Brazilian

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/gygim
๐Ÿ“…︎ Mar 28 2020
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
How many South Americans it takes to change a bulb?

One brazilian

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/Abhilegend
๐Ÿ“…︎ Dec 05 2019
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How many South Americans does it take to screw in a light bulb?

A Brazilian.c..

๐Ÿ‘︎ 17
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/joeskies307
๐Ÿ“…︎ Mar 08 2020
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An Afghan, an Albanian, an Algerian, an American, an Andorran

An Angolan, an Antiguans, an Argentine, an Armenian, an Australian, an Austrian, an Azerbaijani, a Bahamian, a Bahraini, a Bangladeshi, a Barbadian, a Barbudans, a Batswanan, a Belarusian, a Belgian, a Belizean, a Beninese, a Bhutanese, a Bolivian, a Bosnian, a Brazilian, a Brit, a Bruneian, a Bulgarian, a Burkinabe, a Burmese, a Burundian, a Cambodian, a Cameroonian, a Canadian, a Cape Verdean, a Central African, a Chadian, a Chilean, a Chinese, a Colombian, a Comoran, a Congolese, a Costa Rican, a Croatian, a Cuban, a Cypriot, a Czech, a Dane, a Djibouti, a Dominican, a Dutchman, an East Timorese, an Ecuadorean, an Egyptian, an Emirian, an Equatorial Guinean, an Eritrean, an Estonian, an Ethiopian, a Fijian, a Filipino, a Finn, a Frenchman, a Gabonese, a Gambian, a Georgian, a German, a Ghanaian, a Greek, a Grenadian, a Guatemalan, a Guinea-Bissauan, a Guinean, a Guyanese, a Haitian, a Herzegovinian, a Honduran, a Hungarian, an I-Kiribati, an Icelander, an Indian, an Indonesian, an Iranian, an Iraqi, an Irishman, an Israeli, an Italian, an Ivorian, a Jamaican, a Japanese, a Jordanian, a Kazakhstani, a Kenyan, a Kittian and Nevisian, a Kuwaiti, a Kyrgyz, a Laotian, a Latvian, a Lebanese, a Liberian, a Libyan, a Liechtensteiner, a Lithuanian, a Luxembourger, a Macedonian, a Malagasy, a Malawian, a Malaysian, a Maldivan, a Malian, a Maltese, a Marshallese, a Mauritanian, a Mauritian, a Mexican, a Micronesian, a Moldovan, a Monacan, a Mongolian, a Moroccan, a Mosotho, a Motswana, a Mozambican, a Namibian, a Nauruan, a Nepalese, a New Zealander, a Nicaraguan, a Nigerian, a Nigerien, a North Korean, a Northern Irishman, a Norwegian, an Omani, a Pakistani, a Palauan, a Palestinian, a Panamanian, a Papua New Guinean, a Paraguayan, a Peruvian, a Pole, a Portuguese, a Qatari, a Romanian, a Russian, a Rwandan, a Saint Lucian, a Salvadoran, a Samoan, a San Marinese, a Sao Tomean, a Saudi, a Scottish, a Senegalese, a Serbian, a Seychellois, a Sierra Leonean, a Singaporean, a Slovakian, a Slovenian, a Solomon Islander, a Somali, a South African, a South Korean, a Spaniard, a Sri Lankan, a Sudanese, a Surinamer, a Swazi, a Swede, a Swiss, a Syrian, a Tajik, a Tanzanian, a Togolese, a Tongan, a Trinidadian or Tobagonian, a Tunisian, a Turk, a Tuvaluan, a Ugandan, a Ukrainian, a Uruguayan, a Uzbekistani, a Venezuelan, a Vietnamese, a Welshman, a Yemenite, a Zambian and a Zimbabwean all go to a bar..

The doorman stops them and says sorry I canโ€™t let you in without a T

... keep reading on reddit โžก

๐Ÿ‘︎ 139
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/Frase32
๐Ÿ“…︎ Aug 05 2019
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
How many South Americans does it take to change a lightbulb?

A Brazilian

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/notdadbot
๐Ÿ“…︎ Nov 07 2019
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
How many South Americans does it take to change a light bulb?

One Brazilian

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/Feddny
๐Ÿ“…︎ Mar 12 2020
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A bar joke for y'all

An Afghan, an Albanian, an Algerian, an American, an Andorran, an Angolan, an Antiguans, an Argentine, an Armenian, an Australian, an Austrian, an Azerbaijani, a Bahamian, a Bahraini, a Bangladeshi, a Barbadian, a Barbudans, a Batswanan, a Belarusian, a Belgian, a Belizean, a Beninese, a Bhutanese, a Bolivian, a Bosnian, a Brazilian, a Brit, a Bruneian, a Bulgarian, a Burkinabe, a Burmese, a Burundian, a Cambodian, a Cameroonian, a Canadian, a Cape Verdean, a Central African, a Chadian, a Chilean, a Chinese, a Colombian, a Comoran, a Congolese, a Costa Rican, a Croatian, a Cuban, a Cypriot, a Czech, a Dane, a Djibouti, a Dominican, a Dutchman, an East Timorese, an Ecuadorean, an Egyptian, an Emirian, an Equatorial Guinean, an Eritrean, an Estonian, an Ethiopian, a Fijian, a Filipino, a Finn, a Frenchman, a Gabonese, a Gambian, a Georgian, a German, a Ghanaian, a Greek, a Grenadian, a Guatemalan, a Guinea-Bissauan, a Guinean, a Guyanese, a Haitian, a Herzegovinian, a Honduran, a Hungarian, an I-Kiribati, an Icelander, an Indian, an Indonesian, an Iranian, an Iraqi, an Irishman, an Israeli, an Italian, an Ivorian, a Jamaican, a Japanese, a Jordanian, a Kazakhstani, a Kenyan, a Kittian and Nevisian, a Kuwaiti, a Kyrgyz, a Laotian, a Latvian, a Lebanese, a Liberian, a Libyan, a Liechtensteiner, a Lithuanian, a Luxembourger, a Macedonian, a Malagasy, a Malawian, a Malaysian, a Maldivan, a Malian, a Maltese, a Marshallese, a Mauritanian, a Mauritian, a Mexican, a Micronesian, a Moldovan, a Monacan, a Mongolian, a Moroccan, a Mosotho, a Motswana, a Mozambican, a Namibian, a Nauruan, a Nepalese, a New Zealander, a Nicaraguan, a Nigerian, a Nigerien, a North Korean, a Northern Irishman, a Norwegian, an Omani, a Pakistani, a Palauan, a Palestinian, a Panamanian, a Papua New Guinean, a Paraguayan, a Peruvian, a Pole, a Portuguese, a Qatari, a Romanian, a Russian, a Rwandan, a Saint Lucian, a Salvadoran, a Samoan, a San Marinese, a Sao Tomean, a Saudi, a Scottish, a Senegalese, a Serbian, a Seychellois, a Sierra Leonean, a Singaporean, a Slovakian, a Slovenian, a Solomon Islander, a Somali, a South African, a South Korean, a Spaniard, a Sri Lankan, a Sudanese, a Surinamer, a Swazi, a Swede, a Swiss, a Syrian, a Tajik, a Tanzanian, a Togolese, a Tongan, a Trinidadian or Tobagonian, a Tunisian, a Turk, a Tuvaluan, a Ugandan, a Ukrainian, a Uruguayan, a Uzbekistani, a Venezuelan, a Vietnamese, a Welshman, a Yemenite, a Zambian and a Zimbabwean

All go to a bar

The doorm

... keep reading on reddit โžก

๐Ÿ‘︎ 28
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/Zarni1410
๐Ÿ“…︎ Aug 02 2019
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
How many South Americans does it take to change a lightbulb?

A Brazilian.

๐Ÿ‘︎ 90
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/coughdrop1989
๐Ÿ“…︎ Sep 01 2019
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
How many South Americans does it take to change a lightbulb?

A Brazilian

๐Ÿ‘︎ 6
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/notdadbot
๐Ÿ“…︎ Oct 28 2019
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
How many South Americans does it take to change a lightbulb?

A Brazilian

๐Ÿ‘︎ 4
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/notdadbot
๐Ÿ“…︎ Nov 08 2019
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
How many South Americans does it take to change a light bulb?

A Brazilian

๐Ÿ‘︎ 34
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/pdurrr
๐Ÿ“…︎ Oct 16 2018
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
An Afghan...

...an Albanian, an Algerian, an American, an Andorran, an Angolan, an Antiguans, an Argentine, an Armenian, an Australian, an Austrian, an Azerbaijani, a Bahamian, a Bahraini, a Bangladeshi, a Barbadian, a Barbudans, a Batswanan, a Belarusian, a Belgian, a Belizean, a Beninese, a Bhutanese, a Bolivian, a Bosnian, a Brazilian, a Brit, a Bruneian, a Bulgarian, a Burkinabe, a Burmese, a Burundian, a Cambodian, a Cameroonian, a Canadian, a Cape Verdean, a Central African, a Chadian, a Chilean, a Chinese, a Colombian, a Comoran, a Congolese, a Costa Rican, a Croatian, a Cuban, a Cypriot, a Czech, a Dane, a Djibouti, a Dominican, a Dutchman, an East Timorese, an Ecuadorean, an Egyptian, an Emirian, an Equatorial Guinean, an Eritrean, an Estonian, an Ethiopian, a Fijian, a Filipino, a Finn, a Frenchman, a Gabonese, a Gambian, a Georgian, a German, a Ghanaian, a Greek, a Grenadian, a Guatemalan, a Guinea-Bissauan, a Guinean, a Guyanese, a Haitian, a Herzegovinian, a Honduran, a Hungarian, an I-Kiribati, an Icelander, an Indian, an Indonesian, an Iranian, an Iraqi, an Irishman, an Israeli, an Italian, an Ivorian, a Jamaican, a Jap, a Jordanian, a Kazakhstani, a Kenyan, a Kittian and Nevisian, a Kuwaiti, a Kyrgyz, a Laotian, a Latvian, a Lebanese, a Liberian, a Libyan, a Liechtensteiner, a Lithuanian, a Luxembourger, a Macedonian, a Malagasy, a Malawian, a Malaysian, a Maldivan, a Malian, a Maltese, a Marshallese, a Mauritanian, a Mauritian, a Mexican, a Micronesian, a Moldovan, a Monacan, a Mongolian, a Moroccan, a Mosotho, a Motswana, a Mozambican, a Namibian, a Nauruan, a Nepalese, a New Zealander, a Nicaraguan, a Nigerian, a Nigerien, a North Korean, a Northern Irishman, a Norwegian, an Omani, a Pakistani, a Palauan, a Palestinian, a Panamanian, a Papua New Guinean, a Paraguayan, a Peruvian, a Pole, a Portuguese, a Qatari, a Romanian, a Russian, a Rwandan, a Saint Lucian, a Salvadoran, a Samoan, a San Marinese, a Sao Tomean, a Saudi, a Scottish, a Senegalese, a Serbian, a Seychellois, a Sierra Leonean, a Singaporean, a Slovakian, a Slovenian, a Solomon Islander, a Somali, a South African, a South Korean, a Spaniard, a Sri Lankan, a Sudanese, a Surinamer, a Swazi, a Swede, a Swiss, a Syrian, a Taiwanese, a Tajik, a Tanzanian, a Togolese, a Tongan, a Trinidadian or Tobagonian, a Tunisian, a Turkish, a Tuvaluan, a Ugandan, a Ukrainian, a Uruguayan, a Uzbekistani, a Venezuelan, a Vietnamese, a Welshman, a Yemenite, a Zambian and a Zimbabwean all go to a nightclub.

... keep reading on reddit โžก

๐Ÿ‘︎ 93
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/madazzahatter
๐Ÿ“…︎ Aug 09 2017
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
Into a fine restraunt...

An Englishman, a Scotsman, an Irishman, a Latvian, a Turk, a German, an Indian, an American, an Argentinean, a Dane, an Australian, a Slovakian, an Egyptian, a Japanese, a Moroccan, a Frenchman, a New Zealander, a Spaniard, a Russian, a Guatemalan, a Colombian, a Pakistani, a Malaysian, a Croatian, a Pole, a Lithuanian, a Chinese, a Sri Lankan, a Lebanese, a Cayman Islander, a Ugandan, a Vietnamese, a Korean, a Kenyan, a Uruguayan, a Czech, an Icelander, a Mexican, a Finn, a Honduran, a Panamanian, an Andorran, a Moroccan, an Israeli, a Palestinian, a Venezuelan, an Iranian, a Fijian, a Peruvian, an Estonian, a Syrian, a Brazilian, a Portuguese, a Liechtensteiner, a Mongolian, a Hungarian, a Canadian, a Moldovan, a Haitian, a Norfolk Islander, a Macedonian, a Bolivian, a Cook Islander, a Tajikistani, a Samoan, an Armenian, an Aruban, an Albanian, a Greenlander, a Micronesian, a Virgin Islander, a Georgian, a Bahamian, a Belarusian, a Cuban, a Tongan, a Cambodian, a Manxman, a Qatari, an Azerbaijani, a Romanian, a Chilean, a Jamaican, a Filipino, a Ukrainian, a Dutchman, an Ecuadorian, a Costa Rican, a Swede, a Bulgarian, a Serb, a Swiss, a Greek, a Belgian, a Singaporean, an Italian and a Norwegian walk into a fine restaurant. โ€œIโ€™m sorry,โ€ said the maรฎtre dโ€™, โ€œbut you canโ€™t come in here without a Thai."

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/ogZel
๐Ÿ“…︎ May 06 2018
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
How many South Americans does it take to change a lightbulb

A Brazilian

๐Ÿ‘︎ 17
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/7SEVENFOLD7
๐Ÿ“…︎ Feb 26 2018
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