It is always darkest before the Don.
The lab owner strolls in with her dog and orders a beer. The bartender tells her, "Sorry, you can't bring your dog in here." "He's my seeing eye dog," the woman replies feigning offense. The bartender quickly apologizes and serves her the beer.
The other woman comes in with her chihuahua and orders a beer, too.
The bartender says “No dogs allowed in here.”
“He’s my seeing eye dog.”
“Yeah, right,” the bartender says, “It’s a chihuahua.”
Without missing a beat the woman replies, “They gave me a CHIHUAHUA?”
*EDIT: For everyone that has explained this isn’t a Dad Joke; I told him and he promised to quit telling it.
She came inside with bloody hands and said, “Can you check and see…I think I broke my tailbone?”
I’ll take a look…with my 8 year old son and 5 year old daughter beside me, I drop her sweats down and say, “Oh, sweetie, it’s broken…”.
My kids looked at me because they don’t see it and she says, “It is?”
“Yeah, look…there’s a big crack in it!”
[we still laugh at this 20 years later, chiropractor later confirms it with a X-ray years later that it was broken]
Weed
Because they eat light.
An astronaut. What's wrong with you?
Because there are a lot of gray areas!
Black Eyed Peas can sing us a song. Chick Peas can hummus one.
Geologists agree, it’s really a gneiss canyon.
Because Batman has sworn to protect goth ham.
I guess they had successful blow out sale
PC gamers in particular are furious at the resurgence of Crip toe mining.
Two pickles fighting over an Oreo.
First, dig a deep hole. Next, build a fire at the bottom of said hole. Let it burn down to ashes. Line your trap with peas. Wait patiently...
When he comes to take a pea, kick him in the ash-hole.
They call it Corn on Macabre.
Wife: It's a cow car!
Me: It's a moooo-tor vehicle!
Wife: polite chuckle
Me: It's udderly fun to drive!
Wife: ...
Me: It has a cattle-lytic converter.
Wife: You can stop any time.
T'Challah
Her widow black dwess
Two nuns in a knife fight.
But someone stole the white one.
Rest in peace Dad. Your stupid jokes live on.
Yep. When Jesus was able to Wakanda water.
A crow magnon.
I think they're vel-crows.
For what she thought was H2O, was AgNO3.
I went inside to complain but they charged me with a felony (fell-on-knee)
A Labracadabrador
It gets charged.
Well he’s out of work…
and now the steaks are higher than ever.
Wakanda Bridge
She just really needed a shoulder to crayon
He doesn’t understand the gravity of the situation
The day Americans are willing to fight and kill over materialistic things the day after they celebrated what they were truly thankful for that didn't include materialistic things.
