The poster for The Godfather is just Vito and pitch blackness

It is always darkest before the Don.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/currypuffz
πŸ“…︎ Sep 02 2022
🚨︎ report
Two ladies are walking their dogs. One has a big black lab, the other has a chihuahua. They pass a bar and the lab owner says, β€œLet’s get a beer.” The chihuahua walker complains, β€œWe can’t take our dogs in there.” The first responds, β€œWatch me.”

The lab owner strolls in with her dog and orders a beer. The bartender tells her, "Sorry, you can't bring your dog in here." "He's my seeing eye dog," the woman replies feigning offense. The bartender quickly apologizes and serves her the beer.

The other woman comes in with her chihuahua and orders a beer, too.

The bartender says β€œNo dogs allowed in here.”

β€œHe’s my seeing eye dog.”

β€œYeah, right,” the bartender says, β€œIt’s a chihuahua.”

Without missing a beat the woman replies, β€œThey gave me a CHIHUAHUA?”

*EDIT: For everyone that has explained this isn’t a Dad Joke; I told him and he promised to quit telling it.

πŸ‘︎ 3k
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πŸ“…︎ Mar 23 2023
🚨︎ report
My wife slipped on black ice and landed on her tailbone…[true]

She came inside with bloody hands and said, β€œCan you check and see…I think I broke my tailbone?”

I’ll take a look…with my 8 year old son and 5 year old daughter beside me, I drop her sweats down and say, β€œOh, sweetie, it’s broken…”.

My kids looked at me because they don’t see it and she says, β€œIt is?”

β€œYeah, look…there’s a big crack in it!”

[we still laugh at this 20 years later, chiropractor later confirms it with a X-ray years later that it was broken]

πŸ‘︎ 5k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Flying_Chef33
πŸ“…︎ Dec 25 2022
🚨︎ report
So the pot called the kettle black. What did the kettle call the pot?

Weed

πŸ‘︎ 19
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Cheyde
πŸ“…︎ Mar 29 2023
🚨︎ report
We can search the entire universe but we'd never find an obese black hole. You know why?

Because they eat light.

πŸ‘︎ 36
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πŸ‘€︎ u/unrequitedposts
πŸ“…︎ Feb 12 2023
🚨︎ report
What do you call a black man on the Moon?

An astronaut. What's wrong with you?

πŸ‘︎ 251
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πŸ‘€︎ u/garienai
πŸ“…︎ Jan 01 2023
🚨︎ report
Why is it so hard to convict a person in a black and white movie?

Because there are a lot of gray areas!

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Mar 20 2023
🚨︎ report
What’s the difference between Black Eyed Peas and Chick Peas?

Black Eyed Peas can sing us a song. Chick Peas can hummus one.

πŸ‘︎ 125
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πŸ‘€︎ u/showstopper70
πŸ“…︎ Jan 28 2023
🚨︎ report
Remember when we went to Black Canyon National Park?

Geologists agree, it’s really a gneiss canyon.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/magister-j
πŸ“…︎ Apr 01 2023
🚨︎ report
Why would a pig wearing black makeup & black clothes never get bullied?

Because Batman has sworn to protect goth ham.

πŸ‘︎ 13
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πŸ‘€︎ u/dadjokeschannel
πŸ“…︎ Mar 11 2023
🚨︎ report
Sounds like a sweet music list
πŸ‘︎ 4k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Mar 17 2023
🚨︎ report
The neighborhood candle store was really dark after Black Friday…

I guess they had successful blow out sale

πŸ‘︎ 38
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πŸ‘€︎ u/jmoney6
πŸ“…︎ Feb 05 2023
🚨︎ report
Members of the Bloods are exhuming the bodies of their enemies and removing the toes to sell on the black market.

PC gamers in particular are furious at the resurgence of Crip toe mining.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/wfezzari
πŸ“…︎ Feb 04 2023
🚨︎ report
What's green, black, white, black, and green?

Two pickles fighting over an Oreo.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/vasagle_gleblu
πŸ“…︎ Mar 18 2023
🚨︎ report
How do you catch a black bear?

First, dig a deep hole. Next, build a fire at the bottom of said hole. Let it burn down to ashes. Line your trap with peas. Wait patiently...

When he comes to take a pea, kick him in the ash-hole.

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/wookingforyou
πŸ“…︎ Feb 27 2023
🚨︎ report
They're breeding a new type of corn. it's extra juicy and the kernels are black and red.

They call it Corn on Macabre.

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Merrick_King
πŸ“…︎ Feb 10 2023
🚨︎ report
Yesterday my wife and I were leaving a parking spot. There was a black and white car ahead of us.

Wife: It's a cow car!

Me: It's a moooo-tor vehicle!

Wife: polite chuckle

Me: It's udderly fun to drive!

Wife: ...

Me: It has a cattle-lytic converter.

Wife: You can stop any time.

πŸ‘︎ 11k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Aug 08 2022
🚨︎ report
What vegetable has a black belt?

Brock Lee

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/This_is_fine0_0
πŸ“…︎ Mar 13 2023
🚨︎ report
What kind of bread does Black Panther's bakery make?

T'Challah

πŸ‘︎ 13
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πŸ‘€︎ u/AADPS
πŸ“…︎ Feb 03 2023
🚨︎ report
What does Black Widow wear to fancy cocktail events?

Her widow black dwess

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/greenknight884
πŸ“…︎ Mar 14 2023
🚨︎ report
What's black and white and red all over?

Two nuns in a knife fight.

πŸ‘︎ 45
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/dadjokeschannel
πŸ“…︎ Dec 13 2022
🚨︎ report
My dad always said that he used to have a really nice pair of black and white wing tip shoes.

But someone stole the white one.

Rest in peace Dad. Your stupid jokes live on.

πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/jarhead_5537
πŸ“…︎ Feb 23 2023
🚨︎ report
This is one of my bedder ones
πŸ‘︎ 170
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πŸ‘€︎ u/mediallyCrawl70
πŸ“…︎ Mar 20 2023
🚨︎ report
IT guys
πŸ‘︎ 15
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πŸ‘€︎ u/IllustriousBooka
πŸ“…︎ Apr 04 2023
🚨︎ report
How does an ant come out of the black sea?

Wet.

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/tehnocrat69
πŸ“…︎ Jan 25 2023
🚨︎ report
Did you know that the Black Panther movie is talked about in the Bible?

Yep. When Jesus was able to Wakanda water.

πŸ‘︎ 423
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Nov 14 2022
🚨︎ report
What do you call a primitive black bird?

A crow magnon.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Sir_Pluses
πŸ“…︎ Jan 30 2023
🚨︎ report
One of my favorite movies
πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/RedditDommus
πŸ“…︎ Apr 03 2023
🚨︎ report
It definitely doesn’t taste souper
πŸ‘︎ 2k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Captainwelfare2
πŸ“…︎ Feb 16 2023
🚨︎ report
I just saw two black birds stuck together in a tree

I think they're vel-crows.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/professorf
πŸ“…︎ Feb 23 2023
🚨︎ report
Perfect name for a steakhouse πŸ₯©
πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/emreloperr
πŸ“…︎ Mar 29 2023
🚨︎ report
Mary had a little lamb, a black sheep now is he

For what she thought was H2O, was AgNO3.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Texgymratdad
πŸ“…︎ Feb 19 2023
🚨︎ report
I hurt my knee slipping on ice in front of the police station.

I went inside to complain but they charged me with a felony (fell-on-knee)

πŸ‘︎ 2k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Kashindabank
πŸ“…︎ Jan 25 2023
🚨︎ report
What do you call a dog that can do magic?

A Labracadabrador

πŸ‘︎ 22
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/J0kePeralta
πŸ“…︎ Mar 14 2023
🚨︎ report
What happens when a battery gets prosecuted?

It gets charged.

πŸ‘︎ 154
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πŸ‘€︎ u/PartyPooper3756
πŸ“…︎ Mar 05 2023
🚨︎ report
Did you hear what happened to the Black Angus chef that got caught smoking weed on the job?

Well he’s out of work…

and now the steaks are higher than ever.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/thegreatdecay12
πŸ“…︎ Feb 14 2023
🚨︎ report
How do you get to the other side of the river with Black Panther?

Wakanda Bridge

πŸ‘︎ 177
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Erythy
πŸ“…︎ Nov 13 2022
🚨︎ report
Whenever my wife is upset I let her colour in my black and white tattoos

She just really needed a shoulder to crayon

πŸ‘︎ 292
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πŸ‘€︎ u/captainywabs
πŸ“…︎ Nov 17 2022
🚨︎ report
The President wasn’t impressed with NASA’s first picture of a Black Hole

He doesn’t understand the gravity of the situation

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Feb 05 2023
🚨︎ report
Ola soy Dora
πŸ‘︎ 981
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πŸ‘€︎ u/pawwwwwfandi
πŸ“…︎ Feb 07 2023
🚨︎ report
What are Michael Jackson's pronouns?

He/He

πŸ‘︎ 75
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ntrott
πŸ“…︎ Mar 07 2023
🚨︎ report
What is Black Friday?

The day Americans are willing to fight and kill over materialistic things the day after they celebrated what they were truly thankful for that didn't include materialistic things.

πŸ‘︎ 29
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Budget-Pay3743
πŸ“…︎ Nov 22 2022
🚨︎ report

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