Auntie went up ladder into high part of house. High part of house not so strong. High part of house have dangerous things. I worry about Auntie. She up there long time. Later Auntie come down ladder, safe. Whole event was..

Auntie climb attic.

πŸ‘︎ 15
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/astrosmash77
πŸ“…︎ Mar 27 2021
🚨︎ report
Auntie Vaxxer!
πŸ‘︎ 139
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/dank_trumpets
πŸ“…︎ Dec 27 2018
🚨︎ report
Who did auntie kill when she found out she had end-stage renal disease?

her kid niece

πŸ‘︎ 14
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/keatsvevo
πŸ“…︎ Sep 23 2019
🚨︎ report
Auntie Diluvian wanted to make her house floodproof

I told her I might Noah guy.

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ATacticalBagel
πŸ“…︎ Aug 12 2019
🚨︎ report
What would you call that auntie who always makes you depressed?

Auntiedepressant

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ShatteredBulb
πŸ“…︎ Mar 03 2019
🚨︎ report
My auntie asked how many lines are on our family plan

I said "80, auntie"

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/horthianflorff
πŸ“…︎ Sep 03 2018
🚨︎ report
My mom’s sister runs the local candlelight services for the community

She is a vigil-aunty.

πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Samwyzh
πŸ“…︎ May 18 2021
🚨︎ report
My mom's sister got vaccinated today

I call her aunty vax now.

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/bendivi5i0n
πŸ“…︎ May 21 2021
🚨︎ report
I really don't like Aunty Jen

She makes me sick

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Goosifer999
πŸ“…︎ Nov 09 2019
🚨︎ report
My aunty smells well nice...

She’s my anti perspirant.

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/270517
πŸ“…︎ Sep 06 2019
🚨︎ report
My uncle always talks about his disappointing sex life...

It always end in an Auntie climax.

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Poastash
πŸ“…︎ Feb 21 2021
🚨︎ report
Why do women with nieces and nephews have great immune systems?

Because of their Auntie-bodies

πŸ‘︎ 116
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Reiri_
πŸ“…︎ Dec 21 2020
🚨︎ report
Did you hear about what happened your sweaty uncle?

He has a wife now, and her name is Aunty Perspirant

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/techtornado
πŸ“…︎ Dec 04 2020
🚨︎ report
Whats worse than ants in your pants?

Uncles

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/hayeshilton
πŸ“…︎ Sep 20 2020
🚨︎ report
What's the definition of a sex change?

Snip snip and Bob's your auntie.

An actual joke my dad told me.

πŸ‘︎ 22
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/TwinTowers05
πŸ“…︎ Jul 27 2020
🚨︎ report
My wife was very excited to finally introduce our kids to her sister...

It was Auntie Climactic.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Kinjesus
πŸ“…︎ Oct 01 2020
🚨︎ report
Who was Jesus’ least favorite relative?

His Auntie Christ

πŸ‘︎ 12
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/SDM0102
πŸ“…︎ Aug 19 2020
🚨︎ report
We all have that on relative who breaks everything they touch. Mine is my...

Auntie Matter

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Foamy07
πŸ“…︎ Sep 09 2020
🚨︎ report
Why did my daughter think my two sisters would protect her from coronavirus?

Because now she had aunty bodies around her.

πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ May 16 2020
🚨︎ report
Dad’s are not the only one dealing with dad bods during the pandemic

Their sisters are also getting auntie bodies

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/PLUMBUM2
πŸ“…︎ Jul 21 2020
🚨︎ report
My mom's sister once mistook Ritalin for aspirin...

It really upped the aunty!

πŸ‘︎ 11
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Jul 02 2020
🚨︎ report
My mom's sisters are free from covid19

Thwy got great auntie bodies

πŸ‘︎ 14
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/risanthy
πŸ“…︎ May 27 2020
🚨︎ report
All of my mom's sisters are incredibly healthy

thanks to all of their auntie-bodies.

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/RayInRed
πŸ“…︎ May 04 2020
🚨︎ report
My Mom’s sister came down with Coronavirus so I bought her a new computer.

The warranty claimed it had free β€œaunty-virus” protection software.

πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Big-Money-Sloth
πŸ“…︎ May 19 2020
🚨︎ report
What do you call it when all your mother's sisters gather at a funeral to avenge your death?

Vigil aunties.

πŸ‘︎ 130
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/shoppingcartoast
πŸ“…︎ Aug 09 2019
🚨︎ report
4yo asks: What if I really was an ant?

During dinner, I compared how Son #2 [4yo] was eating his spaghetti to an anteater. This sparked the following conversation.

Son #2: "What if I really was an ant?"

Son #1 [7yo]: "Then you wouldn't really eat very much spaghetti. Ants eat just a little because they're so small."

Me: "Well, did you know it's pretty likely that, eventually, your sister will grow up to be an aunt?"

Daughter [5yo]: "What?"

Me: "Yeah, all it'll take is for one of you boys to have a kid. Then, she'll turn into an aunt."

[Kids look confused. Son #1 has worked out the pun, is rolling eyes.]

Wife: "He's right. We helped do it to Auntie Leah."

[It clicks.]

Daughter: "Oooooh, Daaad."

πŸ‘︎ 2k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/chaosTechnician
πŸ“…︎ Feb 13 2017
🚨︎ report
My mother's sister was a gamble who enjoyed poker. She would heartily add to the initial pot but fold after the first hand...

We called her Auntie Up.

πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Dec 09 2019
🚨︎ report
I have a joke about incest...

But the punchline is a bit of an aunty-climax

πŸ‘︎ 16
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Nov 04 2019
🚨︎ report
Calculus Teacher: It’s not the Uncle Derivative.

It’s the Auntie Derivative.

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/SpecOpsAlpha
πŸ“…︎ Dec 22 2019
🚨︎ report
I've got a relative that's really good at stopping people sneezing..

My auntie, Histamine.

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/tastydoosh
πŸ“…︎ Sep 02 2019
🚨︎ report
Who is always the cleanest member of the family

Auntie Bacterial

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/jasonwhite1976
πŸ“…︎ Oct 31 2019
🚨︎ report
Hey Cousin Bruce! Did you hear that my mom goes out and fights crime?

Bruce: Yeah! She's the best vigilAUNTIE out there.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/mynickname86
πŸ“…︎ Oct 10 2019
🚨︎ report
I was bitten by a venomous snake. Fortunately, my uncle's wife gave me a bunch of money, cookies, and gifts.

I was glad to have the auntie dote.

πŸ‘︎ 18
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/NobilisUltima
πŸ“…︎ Feb 07 2019
🚨︎ report
My uncle is convinced that his wife prevents flakey scalp in the hair

She's Aunty Dan Druff

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/jrobbio
πŸ“…︎ Oct 13 2019
🚨︎ report
Seriously, guys...

People have got to stop making Nazi puns. They're offensive, Anne Frankly, in terms of humor, they're usually Hitler miss at best. I can just Nazi why you even make them. They'll Holocaust you a Jewish friend someday. We should all just do the Reich thing and stop it... Still... I guess I don't want to stop Jew while you're having so much fun... What the Heil, I'll just sit back in Mein Kampfy chair and watch.

πŸ‘︎ 32
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/RedBlackDragon
πŸ“…︎ Nov 15 2011
🚨︎ report
Why did the chicken cross the road?

Oh wait, sorry, this is more of an auntie joke.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/BreakBye
πŸ“…︎ Feb 25 2019
🚨︎ report
My dad's sister lives in antartica.

We call her auntie-freeze.

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Randomd0g
πŸ“…︎ Nov 10 2018
🚨︎ report
I tell my nephew jokes with unfunny punchlines

He calls them auntie-jokes.

πŸ‘︎ 25
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/pacetree
πŸ“…︎ Apr 04 2018
🚨︎ report
My mom’s sisters got in an argument, and their stances were diametrically opposed.

They were Auntie-theticals

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/TGus116
πŸ“…︎ Oct 02 2018
🚨︎ report
I had to ask my dad's sister to put out her cigarette

I'm notoriously auntie smoking.

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Pyscho-Suave-Harv
πŸ“…︎ Sep 27 2018
🚨︎ report
My uncles wife likes to gamble

We call her Aunty Up

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/snuzet
πŸ“…︎ Jan 10 2018
🚨︎ report
Our aunt made a religiously-themed painting. After looking at it, my brother told me we're going to hell.

"We have seen the Aunty Christ."

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/desireewhitehall
πŸ“…︎ Feb 27 2018
🚨︎ report
Four year-old nephew loves me more

Dropping my nephew off after a day of hanging out: Him: I love you, auntie. Me: I love you, too. Him: I love you ten!

I didn't get it or laugh until I was half way down the street. I'm also going to steal a 4 year-old's joke.

πŸ‘︎ 71
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ibooger
πŸ“…︎ Jul 07 2015
🚨︎ report
Talking about ISIS with my dad

My family had a get-together for my grandpa's birthday tonight and ISIS became the topic of the conversation.

Aunty: "I heard that ISIS is all over the place now."

Dad: "Yeah, you know where it is?"

Grandpa: "Where?"

Dad: "ISIS in the freezer."

Eyerolls and groans everywhere.

πŸ‘︎ 35
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/one_crack_nacnac
πŸ“…︎ Mar 24 2015
🚨︎ report

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