What do you call a depressed man with a robotic arm?
π︎ 13k
π
︎ Nov 10 2020
The right to bear arms
π︎ 34
π
︎ Jan 22 2021
My son asked, "Dad, every time I talk to girls, I get butterflies in my stomach! What should I do?!" I gently put my arm around him and replied, "That's easy son..."
"Stop eating caterpillars!"
π︎ 870
π
︎ Dec 24 2020
I got in a car wreck and lost my left arm, but donβt worry...
Iβm all right.
buh-dum-tsss
π︎ 14
π
︎ Jan 31 2021
What do you call a guy with no arms and no legs in a pool?
π︎ 22
π
︎ Jan 01 2021
It's the little things that count (also a T-rex's arms)
https://www.instagram.com/standup.trex/
https://preview.redd.it/9449vyyyj4f61.png?width=620&format=png&auto=webp&s=4f5d46a86d95447af0958da58a8583a00398e36f
π︎ 3
π
︎ Feb 02 2021
A man walks into a bar with a slab of asphalt under his arm and says, βA beer please, ..."
"... and one for the road."
π︎ 13k
π
︎ Sep 15 2020
Watching the Superbowl and they mentioned Brady has a good arm.
Bet he could really throw a Tom ato
π︎ 2
π
︎ Feb 08 2021
Saw an old man jumping around and waving his arms to get his neighborβs attention.
He mustβve been at deafβs door.
π︎ 5
π
︎ Feb 03 2021
I have 6 legs, 8 arms, and 10 heads. What am I?
π︎ 481
π
︎ Nov 02 2020
A women was getting petrol at a petrol station and spilt some on her arm.
She rubbed the petrol off and drove away. While on the road, she lit a cigarette and her arm caught on fire. Concerned, she started waving her arm out the side of the car.
Amongst all this, the police pulled her over. "What am I under arrest for?" The officer replied "for having a firearm"
π︎ 12
π
︎ Dec 31 2020
So Iβm at dinner with the fam, telling the joke about what the kid with no arms got for Christmas (we still donβt know because he hasnβt opened them yet)...I set it up...a friend of mine at work has a kid...no arms...and deliver the punchline...
And my 10 year old son, completely deadpan, tells me
βDad, I knew that story wasnβt real because you donβt have any friendsβ
π»π»ππβ οΈβ οΈ It took me a solid 5 minutes to stop laughing.
I have achieved Dad level 10 at raising my kids
π︎ 16
π
︎ Jan 10 2021
Did you hear about the guy that walked into a bar with a chunk of asphalt under his arm?
He asked the bartender for a beer, and one for the road.
π︎ 69
π
︎ Dec 06 2020
I told my chair to put its arms up.
I found some cushion its pocket.
π︎ 6
π
︎ Jan 18 2021
What do you call 2 guys with no arms and no legs standing in the windowsill?
π︎ 9
π
︎ Jan 15 2021
My brother lost his left arm and left leg in a terrible auto accident.
π︎ 8
π
︎ Dec 16 2020
Why did sally fall off the swing? She had no arms.
Knock Knock "who's there" Not Sally
π︎ 3
π
︎ Dec 09 2020
What did the seal with a broken arm say to the shark?
"Do not consume if seal is broken."
π︎ 12
π
︎ Dec 17 2020
I meet guy with a deer on the end of each arm.
π︎ 7
π
︎ Dec 08 2020
A mime in my town was arrested yesterday after breaking his left arm in a bar fight.
He still has the right to remain silent.
π︎ 98
π
︎ Oct 26 2020
Wife after the gym: "Ugh I can't feel my arms"
reaches out and touches her arm "Oh that's ok, I'll feel them for you!"
Anyways I'm divorced now.
π︎ 4
π
︎ Nov 25 2020
I went to the doctor because my arm hurt. He took an Xray and told me I have a humerus fracture.
Personally, I didn't find it funny at all.
π︎ 8
π
︎ Nov 03 2020
What do you call an Italian with no arms?
π︎ 19
π
︎ Oct 27 2020
We are doing a jigsaw puzzle of the human anatomy, and I hid the upper arm.
Nobody else finds this humerus.
π︎ 12
π
︎ Oct 07 2020
A dog stole a skeletons left arm and left leg.
Itβs ok, heβs all right now.
π︎ 12
π
︎ Oct 11 2020
What do you call a dude with no arms and no legs who...
...hangs on a wall?
Art
...goes for a swim?
Bob
...sits on a porch?
Matt
...lies in a ditch?
Phil
π︎ 6
π
︎ Sep 09 2020
Right to bear arms...
π︎ 29
π
︎ Sep 03 2020
I told my doctor that I broke my arm in two places.
He told me to stop going to those places
π︎ 2
π
︎ Nov 06 2020
How arm-azing
π︎ 78
π
︎ Jul 11 2020
What Ernest Hemingway novel sees Harry Morgan lose an arm?
π︎ 2
π
︎ Oct 28 2020
What do you call a guy with no arms or legs and heβs floating in your pool?
Bob.
(Itβs padreβs birthday and he just dug that one out of the depths of his memory...)
π︎ 25
π
︎ Jul 10 2020
What do you call someone with one arm?
π︎ 6
π
︎ Sep 30 2020
My son came home and said βDad, I broke my arm in 12 places.β
So I said, βWell, stop going to those places then!β
π︎ 61
π
︎ Sep 17 2020
Did you guys hear about the guy in that horrible car accident? Lost his left leg and left arm
Donβt worry, heβs all right now.
π︎ 9
π
︎ Sep 13 2020
My friend has no arms and loves to make jokes about it. They're never any good though.
He doesn't have a funny bone in his body.
π︎ 18
π
︎ Jul 24 2020
What do you call s man with no arms and legs in a swimming pool?
π︎ 4
π
︎ Jan 10 2021
My son asked, "Dad, every time I talk to girls, I get butterflies in my stomach! What should I do?!" I gently put my arm around him and replied, "That's easy son..."
"Stop eating caterpillars!"
π︎ 11k
π
︎ Aug 03 2020
What has 8 legs, 8 arms, and 8 eyes?
π︎ 56
π
︎ Nov 18 2020
What do you call a depressed man with a robotic arm?
π︎ 28
π
︎ Nov 09 2020
What do you call a man with no arms and no legs sitting in a pool?
π︎ 7
π
︎ Sep 19 2020
What do you call a deaf man with a robotic arm
π︎ 5
π
︎ Nov 10 2020
A man walks into a bar with a slab of asphalt under his arm.
He shouts, βA beer please! And one for the road!β
π︎ 519
π
︎ Jun 11 2020
A mime in my town was arrested yesterday after breaking his left arm in a bar fight.
He still has the right to remain silent.
π︎ 60
π
︎ Aug 29 2020
A man walks into a bar with a chunk of asphalt under his arm.
The man says "One whiskey for me and one for the road"
π︎ 8
π
︎ Oct 07 2020
I went to the doctor and I told him I broke my arm in two places.
He said stop going to those places
π︎ 26
π
︎ Oct 01 2020
A mime in my town was arrested after he got into a bar fight and broke his left arm.
He still has the right to remain silent.
π︎ 145
π
︎ Jul 29 2020
What is a guy with no arms, no legs, to the wall?
π︎ 4
π
︎ Sep 13 2020
Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.
