Your uncle just loves to up the ante.
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︎ Sep 28 2016
Import-ant pun
๐︎ 4k
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︎ Jan 08 2020
Ants are cool
๐︎ 6k
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︎ Aug 15 2020
"I've got ants" "Oh yeah, well I've got taller ants"
"Ok, well, I've got a tube of glue"
"Ha, I've got an entire tin of glue"
"I've got... Bread"
"Damn it, you win. I can't handle that with my glue tin 'n taller ants"
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︎ Aug 16 2020
ants
๐︎ 472
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︎ Jul 22 2020
My 13-year-old told me he has an ant bite.
I asked if he has an Uncle Chew.
He hasn't acknowledged me in half an hour.
I can't stop laughing.
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︎ Aug 20 2020
Why don't ants get coronavirus
Because they have antibodies
๐︎ 7
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︎ Aug 06 2020
Boi Ant
๐︎ 62
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︎ Jul 20 2020
Do you know that ants never get sick?
It's because they have anty bodies.
๐︎ 36
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︎ Aug 02 2020
What do you call an ant that has been shunned by his community?
Socially dissed ant
Courtesy of my dad
๐︎ 30
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︎ Jul 28 2020
Why don't ants get coronavirus?
Because they're good at keeping 6 feet apart.
๐︎ 49
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︎ Jul 22 2020
How do you know if an ant is a boy or a girl?
They are all girls, otherwise they'd be uncles!
๐︎ 30
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︎ Jul 30 2020
Why do male ants float in water ?
๐︎ 44
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︎ Jul 30 2020
What do you call the first Ant to grace the Earth who can't be persuaded to Sin?
๐︎ 5
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︎ Jul 23 2020
What do ants drink when they wake up?
๐︎ 17
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︎ Aug 10 2020
Why are there no ants in churches?
Because they are in sects.
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︎ Aug 07 2020
I left my laptop outside on the picnic table, and when I came back, the keyboard was covered in ants...
...It took a while to herd them together but I finally got them all under control.
๐︎ 6
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︎ Aug 05 2020
Why donโt ants have dicks?
Because theyโd be uncles
๐︎ 14
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︎ Aug 07 2020
If you eat ants...
do you get tia's in your eyes?
๐︎ 6
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︎ Aug 14 2020
Why do ants rarely get sick?
Because they have so many anty-bodies
๐︎ 12
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︎ Aug 17 2020
So I went to my room and saw 10 ants scrambling around, I felt bad so I decided to build them a home.
๐︎ 7
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︎ Aug 17 2020
How to tell the gender of an ant?
If it sinks, it's a girl ant.
If it floats...
๐︎ 2k
๐
︎ Apr 18 2020
How many ants does it take to fill an apartment?
๐︎ 190
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︎ Jun 05 2020
I just saw 10 ants frantically running around my kitchen. I felt bad so I built them a small house.
Now Iโm their landlord and I collect rent from my tenants.
๐︎ 15k
๐
︎ Feb 07 2020
Why don't ants get sick?
Because they have little antybodies.
๐︎ 26
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︎ Jul 16 2020
I made a pact with the ants in a sacred grove...
It was a coven-ant covenant.
๐︎ 4
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︎ Jul 29 2020
The Pink Panther was counting the ants that he had killed.
Dead ant, dead ant, dead ant, dead ant, dead ant, dead ant, dead aaaaaant....
๐︎ 6
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︎ Jul 23 2020
How can you tell which ants are females?
Because all of the males are called uncles.
๐︎ 22
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︎ Jun 27 2020
What do you call a confident and stylish, male fire ants?
๐︎ 5
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︎ Jul 18 2020
Why doesn't an ant get Coronavirus ?
Cause they have anty bodies.
๐︎ 47
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︎ May 25 2020
I made a small house with a cardboard box for the group of 10 ants running around in my room. Technically, I am now their landlord and they are my...
๐︎ 7
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︎ Jun 25 2020
Every year on July 4th a group of ants get together inside a pen and have a dancing party.
It's "In the Pen Dance Day"!
๐︎ 5
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︎ Jul 04 2020
What do plโants say when their about to get watered?
๐︎ 8
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︎ May 31 2020
What keeps ants from getting coronavirus?
It's their little anty bodies.
๐︎ 191
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︎ Apr 11 2020
My wife is teaching my little ones (3/1) about bugs so they wrote โAntโ in honey on a piece of paper to attract them and set it out on the deck. She was sad When we went out to check later that day, only one was there.
You should have pluralized it and more would have shown up!
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︎ Jun 27 2020
Whats worse than ants in your pants?
๐︎ 5
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︎ Jun 03 2020
Why canโt ants get the corona virus?
Because theyโre anty-bodies (credit: r/funny)
๐︎ 9
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︎ May 29 2020
What do you call a 100 year old ant?
๐︎ 3
๐
︎ Jun 08 2020
Why donโt ants get covid?
๐︎ 9
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︎ May 16 2020
Scientists have discovered ants donโt catch Covid 19..
Itโs because they have anty bodies.
๐︎ 36
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︎ Apr 23 2020
The Ants House
๐︎ 123
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︎ Feb 24 2020
Why donโt ants have coronavirus?
Because they have anty-bodies
๐︎ 10
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︎ May 20 2020
Today I ate like 300 ants.
I saw a bunch of ants swarming around a Snickers bar on the ground. I thought to myself "What a coincidence, I just ate a Snickers too!"
๐︎ 7
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︎ Apr 02 2020
What kind of ant can count?
๐︎ 4
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︎ May 16 2020
Why donโt ants have balls?
Because the donโt like to dance.
๐︎ 4
๐
︎ May 13 2020
A queen ant's job is to keep order in the colony...
๐︎ 7
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︎ May 11 2020
What do you call an ant that gives you advice?
๐︎ 7
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︎ Apr 16 2020
Why donโt ants have balls?
Because if they did they would be uncles
๐︎ 3
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︎ May 14 2020
Why are ants immune during this global pandemic?
Because they have little antibodies.
๐︎ 7
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︎ Apr 21 2020
What do you get when you pull all the legs off an ant?
๐︎ 7
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︎ May 04 2020
Did you know that all ants are females?
There are no uncles, just aunts.
๐︎ 27
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︎ Mar 01 2020
How come 11 ants couldnโt park their cars at their ant hill?
Because parking is for ten ants only!
๐︎ 326
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︎ Jan 05 2020
Boy ants float WHO KNEW
๐︎ 26
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︎ Mar 08 2020
What is this? A soda can for ants?
๐︎ 2k
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︎ Sep 09 2019
Why do 9 ants get to live in an apartment for free?
Because they're not tenants
๐︎ 10k
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︎ Jul 03 2019
I didnโt realize ants stole so many handbags
If they didnโt, why do we need anti-purse-per-ant
Itโs my first time, be gentle.
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︎ Apr 24 2020
Why can't ants fund illegal activities ?
They have Anti Money Laundering
๐︎ 3
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︎ Apr 27 2020
My dad (67) just sent this to me. It's literally a dad joke. Some of us might not get it though I'm sure.
What does the Pink Panther say when he knocked over an ant hill?
Dead ant... dead ant... dead ant dead ant dead ant... dead ant dead ant....
๐︎ 7k
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︎ May 30 2020
Did you hear about the two antennas that got married?
The ceremony wasnโt bad, but the reception was fantastic!
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︎ Aug 09 2020
My friend's place is infested with ants, but he doesn't care.
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︎ Feb 23 2020
My son just threw a milk carton at me
๐︎ 552
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︎ Jun 12 2020
Did you know you can tell the sex of ants by placing them in water.
A female will sink, if it doesnโt itโs buoyant.
๐︎ 11
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︎ Jan 14 2020
Why are al ants females
Otherwise they'd be uncles
๐︎ 4
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︎ Mar 16 2020
Putting away groceries, I noticed there were some ants crawling in our sink.
Me (showing it to my girlfriend): What kind of ant do you think this is?
My gf (shrugging): Idunno.
Me (placing the ant on a pear): Well, it's a pear ant to me. . .
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︎ Mar 07 2020
Girlfriend got mad when I gave her a box full of ants with calculators for valentines day
Don't understand why, she'd always told me it's little things that count?
๐︎ 15
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︎ Feb 22 2020
Nine ants were kicked out of the apartment complex
Because they were not tenants.
๐︎ 233
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︎ Nov 05 2019
How do you know if an ant is a male or a female?
They're all females, otherwise they'd be uncles
๐︎ 55
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︎ Nov 16 2019
I put a handful of ants down my pants the other day
It was a bit of an anti-climax
๐︎ 7
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︎ Feb 09 2020
My little brother keeps annoying me with this ant and ticks he found...
I am really getting tired of his ant ticks
๐︎ 4
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︎ Nov 14 2019
What does an ant take to get rid of heartburn?
An antacid
I'm a single mom so I feel its ok for me to post this (and it made my daughter facepalm)
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︎ Dec 23 2019
My wife saw an ant picking up a leaf 5 times its body weight, and told me, โCan you imagine being that strong?โ
So I picked up the leaf and said, โYes.โ
๐︎ 10k
๐
︎ Dec 02 2018
Two ants seemed to be having a race on a package.
A 3rd ant joined, and beat them both, and started gloating about it.
The two ants said, "that wasn't a race. We were just following instructions."
The 3rd ant asked, "what instructions?"
The two ants said, "see right here, it says 'tear across dotted line.'"
๐︎ 7
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︎ Jan 27 2020
Why do ants never get sick?
Because they have anty bodies
๐︎ 5
๐
︎ Aug 21 2020
Did you know that ants never get sick?
Because they have antibodies...
๐︎ 11
๐
︎ Aug 01 2020
How many ants does it take to rent a house?
๐︎ 64
๐
︎ Jul 05 2020
How can you tell which gender an ant is?
Put it in a bowl of water!
If it sinks, itโs a girl ant. If it floats, buoyant!
๐︎ 9
๐
︎ Jul 05 2020
Do you know why ants can't get COVID-19?
Because they have little anty bodies.
๐︎ 10
๐
︎ Jul 02 2020
Why canโt ants get sick?
They have little Anty-bodies
๐︎ 32
๐
︎ Jun 06 2020
Why donโt ants get sick?
Because of their antybodies
๐︎ 80
๐
︎ May 15 2020
How do you tell the sex of an ant
Drop it in water.
If itโs a girl: girl ant.
If itโs a boy ...
๐︎ 56
๐
︎ Mar 19 2020
Why donโt ants get sick
Because they have little anty bodies
๐︎ 5k
๐
︎ Nov 14 2019
Ants do not seem to get the coronavirus.
Maybe, because they have the antibodies.
๐︎ 4
๐
︎ May 31 2020
How to tell the sex of an ant. Drop it in water. If it sinks, girl ant. If it floats....
๐︎ 74
๐
︎ Mar 24 2020
Why donโt ants get sick?
Because they have little anty bodies.
๐︎ 4
๐
︎ Apr 27 2020
Why donโt ants get sick
Because they have little ant-i-bodies
๐︎ 23
๐
︎ Apr 13 2020
Did you know you can tell if an ant is a boy or a girl by dropping it in water?
If it sinks it's a girl ant
If it floats it's boy ant
๐︎ 157
๐
︎ Jan 25 2020
You can tell an ant's gender by putting it in water
If it sinks, girl ant and if it floats, buoyant
๐︎ 92
๐
︎ Jan 09 2020
Saw 10 homeless ants
Decided to build them a house to live in and charge them rent. Now I collect rent from my tenants
๐︎ 27
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︎ Feb 09 2020
What did Pink Panther say when he stepped on an ant?
Dead ant. Dead ant. Dead ant, dead ant, dead ant.
๐︎ 624
๐
︎ Sep 29 2019
How do you tell the gender of an ant
Drop it in water
If it stinks: girl ant
If it floats: ......
๐︎ 6
๐
︎ Apr 09 2020
How do you tell the difference between a boy ant and a girl ant?
You throw them in water, if it sinks, itโs a girl ant, and if it floats, itโs a...
Buoyant!
๐︎ 5
๐
︎ Mar 21 2020
You can tell an ant's gender by putting it in water
If it drowns, girl ant. If it floats, buoyant.
๐︎ 78
๐
︎ Jan 08 2020
How do you identify the gender of an ant?
If it sinks, it's a girl ant If it floats, it's buoyant.
๐︎ 170
๐
︎ Dec 09 2019
Whatโs worse than ants in your pants?
๐︎ 17
๐
︎ Mar 03 2020
I was in my room and saw 10 ants running frantically. I felt bad for them, so I built a house for them. This kinda makes me their landlord and that kinda makes them my...
๐︎ 11
๐
︎ Jan 04 2020
Why donโt ants get sick?
Because they have little antibodies
๐︎ 8
๐
︎ Dec 25 2019
You can tell an antโs gender by putting it in the water.
If it sinks, itโs a girl. If it floats, itโs buoyant.
๐︎ 25
๐
︎ Nov 09 2019
Why donโt ants get sick?
Because they have little anty bodies.
๐︎ 43
๐
︎ Dec 03 2019
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