56 Puns

The officials said it was "a big red flag".

Just some ballpark figures for you.

(My own joke!)

How'd you find the car?

And while I was working a nice old lady came to my til. I scanned through all her items and it came to £56.83, but after counting up all her change she had just shy of £40.

So I offered to help her, to which she refused but I eagerly insisted. I thought this is probably someone’s Nan, and I’d like to think someone would help my Nan in the same situation.

So after no time at all, we had all her shopping back on the shelves!

“One would have been enough.”

He replied, “Dammit! Some asshole’s got my pen!”

I’ll tell ya later

and tells the doctor,

Moth: Doc, I've got a terrible problem. My wife left me. I hate my job. I'm so depressed that I often contemplate suicide.

Doc: I don't know how to help you. You need to see a psychiatrist. Why do you come to my office?

Moth: The light was on.

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I was looking through pictures of my dad in the 70s, surprised how long his hair was. Made me wonder what was the longest he had ever had it.

Me: How long have you had your hair?

Dad: 56 years

I am at the salsa bar at Rubio's (here is what it looks like if you don't know http://www.urbanspoon.com/rph/56/611245/130623/fresno-rubio-s-fresh-mexican-grill-salsa-bar-lemons-limes-peppers-photo). There is a teenage girl there getting salsa as well. We keep getting in each other's way as we are going back and forth across the bar getting cups, then filling the cups, then getting lids and so forth. After we go around each other about 4-5 times. I stopped, looked at her and said, "Did we just salsa dance?" The look on her face had to have been complete shock at my hilarity, or utter disgust, maybe both.