My son was lamenting that he couldn't remember what the Ukrainian watercourse Uchan-su is and didn't win a prize...

I replied, "oh, Crimea river!"

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Mar 25 2021
🚨︎ report
What do you call a crime committed using a Su-57?

A Felon-y

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/djiuh
πŸ“…︎ Mar 24 2021
🚨︎ report
πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/asianmochii
πŸ“…︎ Sep 08 2019
🚨︎ report
Thousands of people are waiting outside of Nadame Tussauds in London

They are waiting to get waxinated...

Edit: misspelled Madame, but can't change the title

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Viktooos
πŸ“…︎ Apr 04 2021
🚨︎ report
I sued the airlines after they lost my luggage

They lost the case

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/minamo99
πŸ“…︎ Nov 01 2020
🚨︎ report
I sued the airport authorities because they misplaced my belongings

I lost the case

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/off-sp
πŸ“…︎ Sep 04 2020
🚨︎ report
I tried suing the airline that lost my luggage

I lost the case

πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/sarcasticpremed
πŸ“…︎ Jul 28 2020
🚨︎ report
My optometrist was sued for giving bad prescriptions.

When asked about the lawsuit, he claimed he "never saw it coming".

πŸ‘︎ 13
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Whlightning
πŸ“…︎ Aug 10 2020
🚨︎ report
A man sued an airline after losing his luggage

Let's just say he lost his case

πŸ‘︎ 36
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πŸ‘€︎ u/X_Tbull
πŸ“…︎ Jul 20 2020
🚨︎ report
I sued my local pet shop for selling dogs for $10 apiece.

I wanted a dog that was all put together.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Guyshu
πŸ“…︎ Jul 03 2020
🚨︎ report
We will never run out of puns now!

A giant list of puns

What do you call a fake noodle? An Impasta.

I would avoid the sushi if I was you. It’s a little fishy.

Want to hear a joke about paper? Nevermind it’s tearable.

Why did the cookie cry? Because his father was a wafer so long!

I used to work in a shoe recycling shop. It was sole destroying.

What do you call a belt with a watch on it? A waist of time.

How do you organize an outer space party? You planet.

I went to a seafood disco last week... and pulled a mussel.

Do you know where you can get chicken broth in bulk? The stock market.

I cut my finger chopping cheese, but I think that I may have greater problems.

My cat was just sick on the carpet, I don’t think it’s feline well.

Why did the octopus beat the shark in a fight? Because it was well armed.

How much does a hipster weigh? An instagram.

What did daddy spider say to baby spider? You spend too much time on the web.

Atheism is a non-prophet organisation.

There’s a new type of broom out, it’s sweeping the nation.

What cheese can never be yours? Nacho cheese.

What did the Buffalo say to his little boy when he dropped him off at school? Bison.

Have you ever heard of a music group called Cellophane? They mostly wrap.

Why does Superman gets invited to dinners? Because he is a Supperhero.

How was Rome split in two? With a pair of Ceasars.

The shovel was a ground breaking invention.

A scarecrow says, "This job isn't for everyone, but hay, it's in my jeans."

A Buddhist walks up to a hot dog stand and says, "Make me one with everything."

Did you hear about the guy who lost the left side of his body? He's alright now.

What do you call a girl with one leg that's shorter than the other? Ilene.

I did a theatrical performance on puns. It was a play on words.

What do you do with a dead chemist? You barium.

I bet the person who created the door knocker won a Nobel prize.

Towels can’t tell jokes. They have a dry sense of humor.

Two birds are sitting on a perch and one says "Do you smell fish?"

Do you know sign language? You should learn it, it’s pretty handy.

What do you call a beautiful pumpkin? GOURDgeous.

Why did one banana spy on the other? Because she was appealing.

What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef.

What do you call a cow with two legs? Lean beef.

What do you call a cow with all of its legs? High steaks.

A cross eyed teacher couldn’t control his pupils.

After the accident, the juggler didn’t have the balls to do it.

I used to be afraid of hu

... keep reading on reddit ➑

πŸ‘︎ 20
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πŸ‘€︎ u/communist_scumbag
πŸ“…︎ Nov 26 2020
🚨︎ report
Why was the duck sued for medical malpractice?

He was a quack.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/salamanderoil
πŸ“…︎ Sep 13 2019
🚨︎ report
Okay so recently I sued a airport about luggage security

Yeah, I lost my case.

πŸ‘︎ 34
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Thor_kingofasgard
πŸ“…︎ Aug 26 2019
🚨︎ report
Quasimodo is suing Notre Dame Cathedral for the damage to his back from all the Bell-ringing.

I think he might be getting a big lump sum.

πŸ‘︎ 15
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πŸ‘€︎ u/cotswoldboy
πŸ“…︎ Nov 20 2019
🚨︎ report
I got sued once... the plaintiff brought in a rabbit as his key witness...

The judge dismissed it as hare say.

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Oct 12 2019
🚨︎ report
In America, you can register a domain name at Godaddy.com, but...

insovietrussiadomainregister.su

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Dec 01 2020
🚨︎ report
Did you hear about the scientist who is suing the earth?

He discovered the earth has deep pockets.

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/AaronKClark
πŸ“…︎ Jan 17 2019
🚨︎ report
Mrs Rosenfeld is suing Mr Ramsay for calling her a pig

Mr Ramsay asks the judge: "is it illegal for me to call Mrs Rosenfeld a pig?"

The judge replies: "yes, of course it's illegal."

Mr Ramsay asks again: "ok, but am I allowed to call a pig 'Mrs Rosenfeld' your honor?"

The judge says: "well yeah, there is no law against that."

Mr then goes to Mrs Rosenfeld and says: "Hi Mrs Rosenfeld".

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TheOmerAngi
πŸ“…︎ Mar 15 2019
🚨︎ report
Did you hear the one about the mallard that got sued for medical malpractice?

It turns out he’s a quack

πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Gonzo377
πŸ“…︎ Mar 24 2018
🚨︎ report
I talked to a lawyer about suing for the doctor cutting off the wrong leg in my surgery before they cut off the correct one.

The lawyer said I didn't have a leg to stand on.

πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Serpardum
πŸ“…︎ May 17 2018
🚨︎ report
Did you hear about the man who slipped on a banana and sued?

He won the trial but got overturned on a peel.

πŸ‘︎ 19
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Pauls2theWall
πŸ“…︎ Sep 20 2018
🚨︎ report
I'm suing Ex-Lax...

...for defecation of character. That is of course my constipational right. It's better than sitting on my stool and doing nothing.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Spotted_Lady
πŸ“…︎ Mar 25 2018
🚨︎ report
What are the sweetest birds?

Su-CROWS!

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/throwaway2032015
πŸ“…︎ Sep 07 2020
🚨︎ report
If a parsley farmer is sued...

does that mean they can garnish his wages? -George Carlin

πŸ‘︎ 39
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Believeinthis
πŸ“…︎ Nov 03 2012
🚨︎ report
How do lawyers say goodbye ?

I'll be suing ya !

πŸ‘︎ 24
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πŸ‘€︎ u/HellsJuggernaut
πŸ“…︎ Jul 16 2020
🚨︎ report
A small hospitality firm was recently sued by one of their female employees.

She claimed they created a hostel work environment.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/bobbymack44212
πŸ“…︎ May 04 2017
🚨︎ report
Some chick named Susan threw herself at me.

Four days later and I still can’t believe I got sued.

πŸ‘︎ 19
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πŸ‘€︎ u/jlionbad
πŸ“…︎ Apr 11 2020
🚨︎ report
How does Mike Rowe (Host of Dirty Jobs) cook most of his meals?

In his Mike-Rowe-Wave.

πŸ‘︎ 851
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πŸ‘€︎ u/terribleivan22
πŸ“…︎ Dec 20 2014
🚨︎ report
Which kind of sushi is really b-aaaaa-d?

Su-sheep

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/FactorManTCE
πŸ“…︎ Jun 24 2019
🚨︎ report
An alcoholic is trying to decide where to live

He finally settles on a su-bourbon area

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/dragonslayer2689
πŸ“…︎ Jul 15 2018
🚨︎ report
What do you get if you cross a mammal with a reptile?

Most probably sued by the Humane Society.

πŸ‘︎ 32
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Apr 02 2018
🚨︎ report
A man sued an airline company after it lost his luggage.

Sadly, he lost his case.

πŸ‘︎ 17
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πŸ‘€︎ u/kickypie
πŸ“…︎ May 20 2020
🚨︎ report
I sued an airline for losing my luggage

I lost my case.

πŸ‘︎ 87
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Lunarsee
πŸ“…︎ Aug 08 2019
🚨︎ report
A giant list of puns from r/copypasta

A giant list of puns

What do you call a fake noodle? An Impasta.

I would avoid the sushi if I was you. It’s a little fishy.

Want to hear a joke about paper? Nevermind it’s tearable.

Why did the cookie cry? Because his father was a wafer so long!

I used to work in a shoe recycling shop. It was sole destroying.

What do you call a belt with a watch on it? A waist of time.

How do you organize an outer space party? You planet.

I went to a seafood disco last week... and pulled a mussel.

Do you know where you can get chicken broth in bulk? The stock market.

I cut my finger chopping cheese, but I think that I may have greater problems.

My cat was just sick on the carpet, I don’t think it’s feline well.

Why did the octopus beat the shark in a fight? Because it was well armed.

How much does a hipster weigh? An instagram.

What did daddy spider say to baby spider? You spend too much time on the web.

Atheism is a non-prophet organisation.

There’s a new type of broom out, it’s sweeping the nation.

What cheese can never be yours? Nacho cheese.

What did the Buffalo say to his little boy when he dropped him off at school? Bison.

Have you ever heard of a music group called Cellophane? They mostly wrap.

Why does Superman gets invited to dinners? Because he is a Supperhero.

How was Rome split in two? With a pair of Ceasars.

The shovel was a ground breaking invention.

A scarecrow says, "This job isn't for everyone, but hay, it's in my jeans."

A Buddhist walks up to a hot dog stand and says, "Make me one with everything."

Did you hear about the guy who lost the left side of his body? He's alright now.

What do you call a girl with one leg that's shorter than the other? Ilene.

I did a theatrical performance on puns. It was a play on words.

What do you do with a dead chemist? You barium.

I bet the person who created the door knocker won a Nobel prize.

Towels can’t tell jokes. They have a dry sense of humor.

Two birds are sitting on a perch and one says "Do you smell fish?"

Do you know sign language? You should learn it, it’s pretty handy.

What do you call a beautiful pumpkin? GOURDgeous.

Why did one banana spy on the other? Because she was appealing.

What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef.

What do you call a cow with two legs? Lean beef.

What do you call a cow with all of its legs? High steaks.

A cross eyed teacher couldn’t control his pupils.

After the accident, the juggler didn’t have the balls to do it.

I used to be afraid of hu

... keep reading on reddit ➑

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Nov 26 2020
🚨︎ report
Did you hear about the traveler who sued the airline over his missing luggage?

He lost his case

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/djkp7211
πŸ“…︎ Nov 25 2019
🚨︎ report
A man sued an airline company after it lost his luggage.

Sadly, he lost his case.

πŸ‘︎ 19
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Quint_Cordewener
πŸ“…︎ Jun 05 2019
🚨︎ report
I showed my damaged luggage to a lawyer, and said, β€œI want to sue the airline!”

The lawyer said, β€œYou don’t have much of a case.”

πŸ‘︎ 10k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ May 17 2019
🚨︎ report
A man sued an airline company after it lost his luggage.

Sadly, he lost the case

πŸ‘︎ 47
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Jan 23 2018
🚨︎ report
A guy was suing the airlines for losing his luggage

Sadly, he lost his case

πŸ‘︎ 17
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/dalphus1
πŸ“…︎ Jul 21 2018
🚨︎ report
Did you hear about the guy suing the airline for losing his luggage?

Unfortunately he lost his case.

πŸ‘︎ 32
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/arthritictongue
πŸ“…︎ Aug 26 2017
🚨︎ report
A guy recently sued an airport because they lost his luggage

He lost his case, but much like the track star who was afraid of hurdles, he got over it.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Eptar
πŸ“…︎ Feb 16 2018
🚨︎ report
514 Dad Jokes

What do you call a fake noodle? An Impasta.

I would avoid the sushi if I was you. It’s a little fishy.

Want to hear a joke about paper? Nevermind it’s tearable.

Why did the cookie cry? Because his father was a wafer so long!

I used to work in a shoe recycling shop. It was sole destroying.

What do you call a belt with a watch on it? A waist of time.

How do you organize an outer space party? You planet.

I went to a seafood disco last week... and pulled a mussel.

Do you know where you can get chicken broth in bulk? The stock market.

I cut my finger chopping cheese, but I think that I may have greater problems.

My cat was just sick on the carpet, I don’t think it’s feline well.

Why did the octopus beat the shark in a fight? Because it was well armed.

How much does a hipster weigh? An instagram.

What did daddy spider say to baby spider? You spend too much time on the web.

Atheism is a non-prophet organisation.

There’s a new type of broom out, it’s sweeping the nation.

What cheese can never be yours? Nacho cheese.

What did the Buffalo say to his little boy when he dropped him off at school? Bison.

Have you ever heard of a music group called Cellophane? They mostly wrap.

Why does Superman gets invited to dinners? Because he is a Supperhero.

How was Rome split in two? With a pair of Ceasars.

The shovel was a ground breaking invention.

A scarecrow says, "This job isn't for everyone, but hay, it's in my jeans."

A Buddhist walks up to a hot dog stand and says, "Make me one with everything."

Did you hear about the guy who lost the left side of his body? He's alright now.

What do you call a girl with one leg that's shorter than the other? Ilene.

I did a theatrical performance on puns. It was a play on words.

What do you do with a dead chemist? You barium.

I bet the person who created the door knocker won a Nobel prize.

Towels can’t tell jokes. They have a dry sense of humor.

Two birds are sitting on a perch and one says "Do you smell fish?"

Do you know sign language? You should learn it, it’s pretty handy.

What do you call a beautiful pumpkin? GOURDgeous.

Why did one banana spy on the other? Because she was appealing.

What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef.

What do you call a cow with two legs? Lean beef.

What do you call a cow with all of its legs? High steaks.

A cross eyed teacher couldn’t control his pupils.

After the accident, the juggler didn

... keep reading on reddit ➑

πŸ‘︎ 75
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Josvys
πŸ“…︎ Oct 03 2019
🚨︎ report
Here goes nothing...

I sued an airline for losing my luggage. Well, I lost the case

πŸ‘︎ 15
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/FlatEarther113
πŸ“…︎ Feb 28 2020
🚨︎ report

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