So, earlier I was replanting my succulents and I offhandedly mentioned to my fiancΓ© I'd like to do gardening shit with my sis...

He replied, "She'd be super helpful since she's a HOE."

#mypunssucc #punnyshit

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πŸ‘€︎ u/queefyqueen_j
πŸ“…︎ Feb 28 2021
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Why are succulents less selfish when in teams?

Because it's Cactus not cacti

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πŸ‘€︎ u/waldo06
πŸ“…︎ Nov 08 2019
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The man's wife asked him why he put succulents in front of all the windows.

He said "Because, honey. Aloe view."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/iiWizrius
πŸ“…︎ Jul 28 2019
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What did the succulent say when it meets new plants?

Aloe there

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πŸ‘€︎ u/HanaSora94
πŸ“…︎ Aug 05 2019
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Someone stole my succulent plant.

That was aloe move.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Lum1nar
πŸ“…︎ Aug 10 2018
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I told my dad that I'm having trouble with caterpillars eating my succulents...

He said, "you know what you need to do?"

"Maybe use some vinegar spray?"

"Chase them off with dog-erpillars!"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/TARDISandFirebolt
πŸ“…︎ Dec 29 2017
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such a prick to talk to
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πŸ‘€︎ u/sssuuurrreeee
πŸ“…︎ Sep 04 2020
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I tried grilled Aloe Vera at a restaurant today.

It was succulent.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/thedrivingcat
πŸ“…︎ Aug 17 2020
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My friends "Cactie"...
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ododorktheke
πŸ“…︎ Jan 25 2019
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Steak and Shrimp

Late at night is a terrible time to show succulent steak and shrimp advertisements, especially when you are on a diet. As one came on the TV, I swiftly turned it off.

β€œWhat are you doing?!” My wife asked.

β€œWe shouldn’t watch that. It’s prawn-ography.”

😏

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πŸ‘€︎ u/coastin32
πŸ“…︎ Oct 09 2018
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Got the wife her response is why I love her.

So we were talking about plants and I randomly come up with:

If you stab a vampire with a cactus doesn't that make it a succulent steak?

She groans and can't help but giggle as she literally face palms, but complains none the less "I thought you loved me!". I laugh even harder. "You're proud of that aren't you, why you are so proud of that? When you shit in your hand and throw it at strangers that is nothing to be proud of".

Tell you fellers she's a keeper :D

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πŸ‘€︎ u/kactusotp
πŸ“…︎ Dec 26 2015
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