28 Hilarious Cactus Puns - Punstoppable 🛑

I heard a cactus fell in love with a fruit tree.

They make a prickly pear.

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👤︎ u/kadunk25

📅︎ May 23 2021

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I met a beautiful cactus today, so I told it, " you're looking sharp today ".

" I'm just a cactus " , it said. " You have a point there ", I replied.

👍︎ 9k

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👤︎ u/Magnusfeli

📅︎ Dec 08 2020

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What do you call a cow in a cactus field?

Holy cow.

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👤︎ u/dlongwell

📅︎ Apr 26 2021

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I think there's something wrong with the cactus I'm growing,

but I can’t put my finger on it.

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👤︎ u/leave_it_to_beavers

📅︎ Aug 22 2020

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Whats the difference between a daisy and a cactus?

One is a plain flower, the other is a self-raising flower!

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👤︎ u/Dantr1x

📅︎ Nov 17 2020

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How do you color a cactus?

With a Sharpie.

👍︎ 80

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👤︎ u/gngwarlord

📅︎ Jul 10 2020

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My family tree is a cactus,

it's full of pricks

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👤︎ u/shirul

📅︎ Aug 12 2019

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Smart Cactus

👍︎ 2k

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👤︎ u/sabrinalynn1983

📅︎ Oct 11 2017

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What do you call a cactus that lives on Sesame Street?

Prickle me Elmo

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👤︎ u/duckparrot

📅︎ Dec 30 2019

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I ran into my enemy named cactus the other day

What a prick

👍︎ 7

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👤︎ u/lZombieChaserl

📅︎ Jan 09 2020

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Why did the cactus cross the road?

Because it was stuck to the chicken.

👍︎ 11

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👤︎ u/cat_lives_matter_too

📅︎ Oct 05 2019

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I fell into a cactus.

I'm making sure to pay attention more sharply next time.

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👤︎ u/SmyleKyleSmyle

📅︎ Oct 03 2019

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Even in school, I never understood the cactus.

I mean, what's the point?

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👤︎ u/bennekles23

📅︎ Nov 03 2019

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Your family tree must be a cactus ...

... because everyone on it is a prick

👍︎ 8

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👤︎ u/saam_h

📅︎ Aug 28 2019

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This cat trying to blend in as a cactus. In other words a catcus [OC]

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👤︎ u/CluKInCok

📅︎ Mar 22 2019

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What did the cactus order from Outback?

Desert

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👤︎ u/MF62SW

📅︎ Sep 02 2019

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My wife’s name is Vera. Every morning I wake up and say “Cactus..!!!!”

Well it’s quicker than saying “‘Allo Vera...!”

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👤︎ u/robbiebrown64

📅︎ Apr 23 2019

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I took an arts class specializing on cactus photography. It was a thorny subject.

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👤︎ u/gargolito

📅︎ Jun 08 2018

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Two balloons are floating through the air. One balloon says to the other, “watch out for that cactus!”

The other balloon says, “what cactusssssssssssssssssssssssssssss”

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👤︎ u/RoyTheShip

📅︎ Aug 28 2018

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Cactus Farmers Shouldn't Be Parents

They're only good at raising pricks.

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👤︎ u/TimTheRandomPerson

📅︎ Nov 23 2018

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What is the difference between a boy and a girl cactus?

A boy cactus has one spike more.

Edit: Fixed wording

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👤︎ u/NamesNeedNoNumbers

📅︎ Jul 24 2018

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Did I tell you guys about the extremely rude cactus I met the other day?

He was a real prick.

👍︎ 5

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👤︎ u/t3rrapins

📅︎ Nov 09 2017

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This group of kids ambushed me and pushed me into a cactus.

Those little pricks.

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👤︎ u/jhabibs

📅︎ Jun 05 2018

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What did the cactus wear to the job interview?

A cactie

👍︎ 8

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👤︎ u/AntidoteYYMBR

📅︎ Apr 28 2018

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Where did the cactus go for an abortion?

Plant Parenthood.

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👤︎ u/MarkShapiro

📅︎ May 05 2018

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I think there’s something wrong with the cactus I’m growing.

But I can’t put my finger on it!

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👤︎ u/Bakedschwarzenbach

📅︎ Aug 18 2020

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Why did the cactus cross the road ?

It was stuck on the chickens butt.

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👤︎ u/JustinN301

📅︎ Oct 31 2019

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My family tree is a cactus

Full of pricks

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👤︎ u/Ozboz3000

📅︎ Sep 26 2018

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