I once saw a one-handed man in a second-hand store. I told him, β€œI don’t think they have what you’re looking for, sir.”

I told him, β€œI don’t think they have what you’re looking for, sir.”

πŸ‘︎ 194
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Dec 17 2020
🚨︎ report
I quit my job as a postman when they handed me my first letter to deliver.

I looked at it and thought, β€œThis isn’t for me.”

πŸ‘︎ 32
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Jan 16 2021
🚨︎ report
None of my Co-workers are left handed.

We get along all right.

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ffjuice
πŸ“…︎ Jan 12 2021
🚨︎ report
I asked my son to go get me a phone book. He laughed, called me a dinosaur, and handed me his iPhone.

The spider is dead, the iPhone screen is cracked, and my son is furious!

πŸ‘︎ 15k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/sierrasport
πŸ“…︎ Jul 04 2020
🚨︎ report
As I handed my Dad his 50th birthday card, he looked at me with tears in his eyes and said,

β€œYou know, one would have been enough.”

πŸ‘︎ 24
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/MattTheFirst
πŸ“…︎ Jan 10 2021
🚨︎ report
I'm left handed. You know who else is left handed?

I don't

πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/oneshock1
πŸ“…︎ Nov 22 2020
🚨︎ report
What do cops do when handed a cold case?

They work on it undercover.

πŸ‘︎ 24
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/mickerallen100
πŸ“…︎ Dec 06 2020
🚨︎ report
I was at a local store buying a shitty old CD for $9.95. When I handed the cashier my $10, he handed me my change and said:

"Here's your Nickleback."

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Jessieface13
πŸ“…︎ Dec 17 2020
🚨︎ report
Why did the one-handed man cross the road?

To get to the second hand store.

πŸ‘︎ 27
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Timsonater
πŸ“…︎ Nov 20 2020
🚨︎ report
I accidentally handed my wife a glue stick instead of chap stick this morning.

She's still not speaking to me.

πŸ‘︎ 72
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/tim_naduvilath
πŸ“…︎ Oct 04 2020
🚨︎ report
She handed me a jar and said, "This herb goes well with pork, beef, duck and chicken recipes, and fatty meats in particular."

I looked at the label and thought, "That is some sage advice."

πŸ‘︎ 15
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/DINC44
πŸ“…︎ Nov 08 2020
🚨︎ report
I saw a one handed man go into a second hand store.

He left disappointed

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ItsYoAzz
πŸ“…︎ Oct 03 2020
🚨︎ report
I went into a pet shop and asked for twelve bees. The shopkeeper counted out thirteen and handed them over.

Me- β€œYou gave me one too many”

Shopkeeper- β€œthat one is a freebie”

πŸ‘︎ 910
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/shadynasty94
πŸ“…︎ Jun 13 2020
🚨︎ report
There are very few left-handed people on Earth.

But I think that’s all right.

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/sudoku12
πŸ“…︎ Nov 11 2020
🚨︎ report
My coworker handed me a brochure on anger management this morning.

I just lost it.

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Oct 20 2020
🚨︎ report
My son needed a history tutor, so I handed him some cereal and a scale

β€œTime to learn about Chex and balances”

πŸ‘︎ 11
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/UncleIroh_MD
πŸ“…︎ Oct 13 2020
🚨︎ report
This thing has been handed over
πŸ‘︎ 35
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/AJSaporno
πŸ“…︎ Jul 14 2020
🚨︎ report
Left handed people are so unfairly marginalised

They don't have any rights.

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/lemonsarethekey
πŸ“…︎ Aug 16 2020
🚨︎ report
My sarcastic teacher handed back my final exam..

I was told I was intelligen’t

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/CakeRedditor
πŸ“…︎ Jun 14 2020
🚨︎ report
My wife handed me a bag of dried apricots and I started crying

It said "tear to open"

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/invisible_being
πŸ“…︎ Jul 29 2020
🚨︎ report
I really hate being left handed,

They never make products for us! We always get left out.

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/brainpain152
πŸ“…︎ Jun 16 2020
🚨︎ report
I told my wife I was going to make her an affogato for dessert and then handed her this.
πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/bigphokinsoupguy
πŸ“…︎ May 10 2020
🚨︎ report
I was caught read handed in the Library.
πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Kuma_Paws_376
πŸ“…︎ Mar 24 2020
🚨︎ report
Do not trust left handed people

They are not right

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/moose2021
πŸ“…︎ May 31 2020
🚨︎ report
After my director friend finished shooting his scene, I handed him a sandwich.

I said, β€œThat’s a wrap.”

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Jun 08 2020
🚨︎ report
How are one handed people so independent?

Because they do everything single-handedly.

πŸ‘︎ 64
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Aditya_Bhargava
πŸ“…︎ Feb 04 2020
🚨︎ report
Today I was wearing a shirt with the family crest of my favorite painter Frida Kahlo. After a few hours I started to get hungry and ordered takeout. When my delivery person arrived he handed over my food without taking any money for bringing it to me. I asked him β€œHow come there’s no charge?”

He replied: I was going to charge you, but I noticed you had Frida Livery”

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/linknt01
πŸ“…︎ Mar 13 2020
🚨︎ report
"I'm sorry but your wife didn't make it," A doctor said as he handed a man his newborn baby.

The man handed the baby back to the doctor. "Then bring me the one my wife did make."

πŸ‘︎ 2k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/SailorJaywah
πŸ“…︎ Nov 28 2018
🚨︎ report
I told my wife I was going to make her an affogato for dessert and then handed her this:
πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/bigphokinsoupguy
πŸ“…︎ May 10 2020
🚨︎ report
If two right handed people kill eachother who’s left.
πŸ‘︎ 20
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/AMswag123
πŸ“…︎ Sep 15 2019
🚨︎ report
I asked the bartender for the WiFi password but he told me to buy a drink first. So I ordered a Moscow Mule and asked him again. He handed me a card with the password. It said:

"Buy a drink first" ... no spaces, all lowercase.

πŸ‘︎ 58
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Jan_Tik
πŸ“…︎ Sep 03 2019
🚨︎ report
I hate watching left handed quarterbacks throw

It just never looks right

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Jan 07 2020
🚨︎ report
As I handed my Dad his 50th birthday card, he looked at me with tears in his eyes and said,

β€œYou know, one would have been enough.”

πŸ‘︎ 903
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Sunken-ship-daddy
πŸ“…︎ Sep 22 2020
🚨︎ report
As I handed my dad his 50th birthday card, he broke down into tears.

He turned towards me and said, "One would've been enough, son."

πŸ‘︎ 927
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/_joshi_
πŸ“…︎ Aug 31 2020
🚨︎ report
As I handed my dad his 50th birthday card, he looked at me with tears in his eyes and said:

Y’know, one would have been enough.

πŸ‘︎ 64
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/meditate_medicate
πŸ“…︎ Aug 22 2020
🚨︎ report
I quit my job as a postman when they handed me my first letter to deliver.

I looked at it and thought, β€œThis isn’t for me.”

πŸ‘︎ 333
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ May 28 2020
🚨︎ report
I once saw an one handed man in a second hand store

I said to him, β€œI don’t think they have what you’re looking for sir.”

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Lord_Aarsh
πŸ“…︎ Sep 08 2020
🚨︎ report
As I handed my dad his 50th birthday card he looked at me with tears in his eyes and said:

"you know, one would have been enough"

πŸ‘︎ 42
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/zekesnack
πŸ“…︎ Jul 29 2020
🚨︎ report
As I handed my dad his 50th birthday card, he looked at me with tears in his eyes and said

Y'know, one would have been enough.

πŸ‘︎ 8k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/nikatnite825050
πŸ“…︎ Aug 04 2019
🚨︎ report
I accidentally handed my wife a glue stick instead of her chapstick this morning

I think she's mad, because she still hasn't spoken to me.

πŸ‘︎ 178
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ValkornDoA
πŸ“…︎ Mar 12 2020
🚨︎ report
I quit my job as a postman when they handed me my first letter to deliver.

I looked at it and thought, β€œThis isn’t for me.”

πŸ‘︎ 9k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Mar 29 2019
🚨︎ report
As I handed my Dad his 50th birthday card, he looked at me with tears in his eyes and said,

β€œYou know, one would have been enough.”

πŸ‘︎ 32k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Jun 18 2018
🚨︎ report
As I handed my dad his 50th birthday card, he looked at me with tears in his eyes and said

"You know, one would have been enough."

πŸ‘︎ 135
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/JustMy2Coppers
πŸ“…︎ Jan 24 2020
🚨︎ report
I quit my job as a mailman when they handed me my first letter to deliver.

I looked at it and thought, β€œThis isn’t for me.”

πŸ‘︎ 19
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Mar 11 2020
🚨︎ report
I accidentally handed my wife a glue stick instead of a chapstick.

She still isn’t talking to me.

πŸ‘︎ 8k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Mar 20 2018
🚨︎ report
I quit my job as a mailman when they handed me the first letter to deliver.

I looked at it and thought, β€œThis isn’t for me.”

πŸ‘︎ 98
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Sep 09 2019
🚨︎ report
I accidentally handed my wife a glue stick instead of her lipstick.

She still isn't talking to me

πŸ‘︎ 14
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/cotswoldboy
πŸ“…︎ Oct 13 2019
🚨︎ report
As I handed my dad his 50th birthday card, he looked at me with tears in his eyes and said:

You know, one would have been enough.

πŸ‘︎ 210
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/VacuumPanic
πŸ“…︎ Apr 08 2019
🚨︎ report

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