23 Hilarious Ze Puns - Punstoppable 🛑

A german tourist jumped in the freezing water to save my dog. After he climbed out, he said, “here is ze dog, dry him off and keep him warm, he vill be fine. I asked him, “are you a vet?”

He said, “vet? I’m fucking soaking”

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👤︎ u/rohanlahiri05

📅︎ Jan 07 2020

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Hans whats ze time?

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👤︎ u/netdoppler

📅︎ Oct 19 2019

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Hitler: “It’s getting cold. What is ze Wetter forecast?”

“Hail, Hitler.”

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👤︎ u/Toberoni

📅︎ Apr 12 2018

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One time a German tourist dove into a river to save someone's dog. When he came back, he said to the owner, "Here iz ze dog, put him in a blänket so he iz dry and warm." The owners ask him, "How do you know, are yoy a vet?" The German looks at them blankly, "Vet? Im fucking soaking!"

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👤︎ u/SpillsMcDribble

📅︎ Mar 25 2019

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Which size bra holds the most salty water?

A sea-cup!

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👤︎ u/serialcompliment

📅︎ Feb 02 2021

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What...what...where...

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👤︎ u/KrissiKross

📅︎ Apr 29 2020

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Why are ghosts alcoholics?

They drink too much booo-ze

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👤︎ u/Vapid_Potato

📅︎ Oct 10 2020

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Why did the ghost haunt the liquor store?

They had his favorite BOOze.

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👤︎ u/KarpGrinder

📅︎ Oct 22 2020

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What's a zebra for?

(French accent) To support ze boobies.

👍︎ 32

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👤︎ u/Bigfoothobbit

📅︎ Jul 30 2020

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The Bacon Tree

The year is 1541 and the French have just begun colonization in North America. Young Jean-Luc is in his newly crafted home when suddenly his friend Jean-Pierre bursts through his front door. 'Jean Luc!' he exclaims. 'You weel nevar believe! I 'ave 'eard word of a bacon tree!'. Jean-Luc looks confused and scoffs 'Imposseeble! You cannot grow BaycON on a tree!'. 'Come! And I weel show you ze bacon tree!'. So Jean-Luc & Jean-Pierre set off down the river, with Jean-pierre providing direction to the enigmatic 'bacon tree'. Finally, they pulled over onto a small beach that lead to a large forest. 'Stay 'ere and watch ze canoe, and I weel bring ze bacon back from ze bacon tree!' said John-Pierre. Hours go by and John-Pierre hasn't returned. As night falls, and Jean-Luc is about to enter the forest to look for his friend, he hears a rustling in the nearby brush, to which Jean-Pierre stumbles out, bloody and with arrows through his legs and arms. 'Jean-Pierre! What 'appened!!' exclaimed Jean-luc. 'Turns out it was not a bacOn tree.....it was an 'AMBUSH!!!'

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👤︎ u/kickypie

📅︎ Dec 13 2019

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My dad recieved a phone call from the magazine "Runner's World"

women on the phone asks:

"is (mother) home?"
dad: "no, she just ran off"
women: "oh, ok"

I dont think she got it.

edit: This is actually funnier how he said it in dutch (our native language). his words were "ze heeft ze benen genomen" which literally means " she has taken the legs".

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👤︎ u/fireflaai

📅︎ Mar 11 2015

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What’s a German underwear model’s favourite animal

Ze-bra

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👤︎ u/mcsabas

📅︎ Mar 30 2019

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What do zebras hold?

Ze boobs.

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👤︎ u/SladackasaurusRex

📅︎ Jul 07 2019

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I aced my test on my knowledge of cheese

It was a brie-ze

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👤︎ u/aparks1437

📅︎ May 08 2018

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Did you hear the one about the German anesthetist?

Yeah he could never get a girlfriend because he was so bad at ze dating

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👤︎ u/anymaninamerica

📅︎ Oct 26 2012

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What do ghosts drink at the pub?

Boo-ze

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👤︎ u/PotatSalaed

📅︎ Oct 25 2018

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If you use reddit late at night...

you should probably stop hitting that snoo-ze button.

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👤︎ u/JungleTreetops

📅︎ Jul 29 2017

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Why was the French lion aroused?

Because he didn’t see ze-bra

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👤︎ u/Pythonidaer

📅︎ Jul 25 2018

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Why did the ghost go into bar

For the boo-ze

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👤︎ u/Okcnumber0

📅︎ Oct 21 2015

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Not so much a "joke" but I think it fits. Decorating for a Halloween Party

We have a minifridge we stocked with beer for the party, and I put a sign on the fridge that says "BOO-ze"

My roommate just shook his head and walked away.

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👤︎ u/walkingcarpet23

📅︎ Oct 27 2015

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This app/game has really put my Dadjoke skills to the test, but I love it!

The app is called "Punfound".

http://imgur.com/zesPnQZ

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👤︎ u/calix_xto

📅︎ Sep 05 2014

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My dog jumped into some freezing water. A random German tourist jumped in to save him. He told me "Here is ze dog. keep him varm and he vill be just fine". I asked if he was a vet.

"Vet? I'm fucking soaked!"

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👤︎ u/nakedurlrobot

📅︎ Nov 10 2018

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A German tourist jumped off to the freezing water to save my precious dog who was drowning.

After he climbed out he said, "Here is ze dog, dry him off and he vill be fine." I said, "Are you a vet?" To which he replied, annoyed; "Vet? I'm fucking zoaking."

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👤︎ u/im_not_geih

📅︎ Nov 14 2020

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