Why do women have a difficult time working for the postal service?

It’s mail-dominated.

πŸ‘︎ 10k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/SecondRateHack
πŸ“…︎ Jan 06 2021
🚨︎ report
I hate working for what I want. Capitalism has ruined everything. Every time I dip my pen in the company ink, nine months later my wife hires a new employee.

I need a Plan B.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/godkingmaker
πŸ“…︎ Mar 05 2021
🚨︎ report
I spent so much time working on this
πŸ‘︎ 26
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/gh0stdog08
πŸ“…︎ Nov 22 2020
🚨︎ report
This Is A Paid advertisement: Have a home project you’re working on? For a limited time, Lowes Home Improvement is now selling Levels 2 for the price of 1!

Multi-level marketing

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/BHarcade
πŸ“…︎ Sep 28 2020
🚨︎ report
Once upon a time a postman was working at a new place

Oh wait don't worry the joke has been postponed

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/gamerxbykabil
πŸ“…︎ Aug 24 2020
🚨︎ report
A guy starts working at a submarine. In the first day he works as a cleaner, then helps at the kitchen. Next day he runs the ship. In the evening he’s absolutely exhausted so he asks his friend β€œWhy I have to change my position every time?”

He replies β€œI know, this sub is full of reposts”

πŸ‘︎ 223
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Aug 10 2019
🚨︎ report
I’ve been working a long time. My job is hard, unfulfilling and honestly, doesn’t pay that great. I think it’s time for a change of pace for me. I’ve decided to go into a completely different direction and become a pig rancher.

It’s the only way I can bring home the bacon.

πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/An_Imperfect_Guy
πŸ“…︎ Dec 09 2019
🚨︎ report
Two guys working as movers are short on time for their job and one guy is taking to many breaks.

β€œQuit STALLIN and start PUTIN things in the truck. We’re RUSSIAN over here.”

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/BrandNewLogic
πŸ“…︎ May 05 2018
🚨︎ report
All this time The Terminator was just have PTSD episodes from working retail
πŸ‘︎ 249
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/aznednacni
πŸ“…︎ Jul 24 2015
🚨︎ report
I flunked out of college because I spent all my time working on a time machine only to find out it's impossible.

I guess I have no future.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Threeatatime1
πŸ“…︎ Nov 10 2017
🚨︎ report
My wife called me at work and said β€œit’s time, the baby is coming”

I said that’s impossible, Labor Day is in September!

(New dad of a 3 week old, trying to step into my new role)

πŸ‘︎ 4k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Stairsmaster
πŸ“…︎ May 01 2021
🚨︎ report
In history class, the teacher taught said the Magna Carta was signed in 1215 and to write an essay on it. A student handed in his work with "The Magna Carta was signed in 1215" written 150 times.

The teacher asked the boy, "Why did you write this?" The boy replied, "Because you always say that history repeats itself!"

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/TheAzrael2013
πŸ“…︎ May 09 2021
🚨︎ report
Why couldn't the computer get to work on time?

It had a hard drive.

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/macuser06
πŸ“…︎ Apr 29 2021
🚨︎ report
At dinner time, talking about our days, I said work was busy because we're short staffed, and my 11yo boy says.....

Get some taller ones!

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/denandbil
πŸ“…︎ Apr 15 2021
🚨︎ report
We got a new microwave at work. After heating my food for the first time in the new microwave I go to my colleagues and say to them "I just cut my fingers on the new microwave!"

They all startled "what happened?" I reply "it's Sharp!"

They murmured something and left the room...

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/KM130
πŸ“…︎ Apr 15 2021
🚨︎ report
In college, I worked part time as a butcher's assistant.

You know, just to make ends meat.

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/kdlaz
πŸ“…︎ Feb 21 2021
🚨︎ report
There is a religious veterinarian who has a strict rule that only one vet can work on large animals at a time

Because it is a sin to co-vet an oxen or donkey.

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/glowing-fishSCL
πŸ“…︎ Feb 17 2021
🚨︎ report
Just started my new job as a security guard. The supervisor told me my job would be to watch the office at night.

I’m on season eight. Still not sure what this has to do with security.

πŸ‘︎ 10k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/FoldaHolda
πŸ“…︎ Apr 11 2021
🚨︎ report
I've an uncle who works for the symphonie part-time.

He's a semi-conductor.

πŸ‘︎ 11
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Jan 14 2021
🚨︎ report
An actual conversation between my wife and my son yesterday.

My wife has been teaching my son to fold his own laundry but he complains about it everytime. My wife, trying to convince my son, said to him "If you pick up this habit, your future wife will love you very much."

My son replied "I don't want my future wife to love me very much. I want my future wife to help me fold my laundry."

I busted out laughing. But the end result is that now I have to fold my own laundry going forward.

πŸ‘︎ 13k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/infinit9
πŸ“…︎ Mar 28 2021
🚨︎ report
I found pictures of Mt. Rushmore before it was carved

Its natural beauty was unpresidented

πŸ‘︎ 5k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/shiva8512
πŸ“…︎ Mar 07 2021
🚨︎ report
I gave my daughter a watch for her birthday. She thought it was so cool and when she showed it to the next door neighbor, he asked, "That's a pretty watch you've got there! Does it tell you the time?"

She laughed and said, "No, this is an old-fashioned watch! You have to look at it!"

πŸ‘︎ 11k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/honolulu_oahu_mod
πŸ“…︎ Mar 19 2021
🚨︎ report
What’s the worst thing about having a job at the unemployment office?

If you get fired, you still have to show up the next day.

πŸ‘︎ 9k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/2donutkid2
πŸ“…︎ Mar 31 2021
🚨︎ report
A blind man walks into a bar

And then a table... And then a chair...

πŸ‘︎ 6k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Geb69
πŸ“…︎ Feb 10 2021
🚨︎ report
I went to a job interview today and the interviewer asked me "what is your greatest weakness?". I said "I am too honest"

He said "I don't think that's a weakness"

"Well I don't give a f* what you think"

πŸ‘︎ 9k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Mar 09 2021
🚨︎ report
A technique that has been used for decades
πŸ‘︎ 5k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/AM10_
πŸ“…︎ Feb 26 2021
🚨︎ report
It works 83% of the time
πŸ‘︎ 20
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/seraphaye
πŸ“…︎ Sep 18 2020
🚨︎ report
My Dad(64) always shows up to every event 10 minutes after it's started. We bought him a watch, told him the start time was earlier than it was, we've tried everything, but nothing works...

We just have to accept that he's a Late Boomer.

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/QuestionableQuery
πŸ“…︎ Nov 01 2020
🚨︎ report
A person that works faster than expected always has extra time on their hands.

The same is true for clocks.

(PSA: Remember to correct yours tonight, as applicable.)

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/mrBELDING69
πŸ“…︎ Nov 01 2020
🚨︎ report
When I turned 16, my dad told me it was time to get a job. β€œWhen I was your age, my very first job I had I worked with over 500 people under me.”...

β€œWow!” I said. β€œWas it some big corporation?”

β€œNo.” He replied, β€œI mowed the lawn in the cemetery.”

πŸ‘︎ 11k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/mistermajik2000
πŸ“…︎ Jul 28 2019
🚨︎ report
I asked my eye surgeon if he has had a hard time finding work.

Since it's 2020.

πŸ‘︎ 17
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/sarcasticpremed
πŸ“…︎ Oct 04 2020
🚨︎ report
What do you call someone who works part time on a train?

A semi-conductor

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/rebelflag1993
πŸ“…︎ Oct 07 2020
🚨︎ report
An actual joke from my 8 year old - Why can’t you trust atoms?

They make up everything.

I was proud.

πŸ‘︎ 7k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/jaybird1905
πŸ“…︎ Jan 28 2021
🚨︎ report
Her: I’m leaving. I am sick of you wearing a different t shirt every half an hour.

Me: Wait. I can change.

πŸ‘︎ 13k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Jan 23 2021
🚨︎ report
My co-worker Nicholas is rarely late for work meetings, but it often shows up within 2 minutes of the meeting start time

I guess he likes to show up in the nick of time.

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/sarcasticpremed
πŸ“…︎ Sep 07 2020
🚨︎ report
I once worked at a place where I had to use a pay-to-cross bridge 10 times a day...

That took a toll!

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Jul 28 2020
🚨︎ report
Why are locksmiths allowed to remain open during lockdown?

They are key workers

πŸ‘︎ 13k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/CarBoobSale
πŸ“…︎ Oct 19 2020
🚨︎ report
There's not just leap years. A leap second is a one-second adjustment that is occasionally applied to Coordinated Universal Time (UTC)! Without it, GPS wouldn't work! Want me to really blow your mind?

There's also leap-frogs.

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/billbixbyakahulk
πŸ“…︎ Aug 26 2020
🚨︎ report
I recently got a new job!

A little bit of Background information:Β  When I was a young lad, my father was a professional glass cleaner.Β Β  Not just for a job, cleaning Glass was this man's passion!Β  He always wanted me to take over for him when I grew up, but I always thought it would be a pain, it was a silly job, really.Β Β  However, I knew that my father would be shattered if I didn't put an honest effort into the cleaning business.Β Β Β  The first time I perfectly cleaned a mirror, I realized I could really see myself doing this!Β Β  My father was wiping away tears of pride when I began to become as passionate as he was.

Anyways, fast forward to a couple months ago.Β Β  I have taken over my father's cleaning company, and was working a job at a publishing agency.Β  Now, due to the pandemic, this building had set up different entry points depending on the purpose of your visit, and each one was gated and stationed by an employee so you could have your temperature taken and go through a checklist to ensure you don't have any symptoms, etc.

After finishing the contract at this building, the owner was so impressed with my work that he said he would like to recommend me for a permanent job with a friend of his.Β Β  At first, I was skeptical (I had taken over the family business, after all), but it was becoming difficult to find regular clients anymore, so I agreed.Β Β Β  He gave me a single sheet from a notepad, and told me to write down something about myself that sets me apart from others in my line of work, and I should make it a very impactful statement,Β  his friend was a very busy man and wouldn't look at more than notes like these.Β Β Β  I wasn't sure what to write on the spot, so he told me to think about it, and return the note when I come back to leave the bill for my work.

So I came back a few days later, went through the gate to drop off my bill and my note about how I am much better than any other glass cleaner out there.Β Β Β  Well, it turns out the friend of the publishing agency's owner was a hiring manager for a well-known computer company, and my note really caught his eye, and I was offered the job!Β Β  Now I make more money every two weeks than I had with a month!Β Β  At first, I though my father would be upset by me leaving the family business behind, but he told me "As long as you are happy where you are, with what you are doing, then you are succeeding in life.Β  You are no longer a student of glass cleaning, you are my equal, and I am proud of you"Β  I never realized how freeing it

... keep reading on reddit ➑

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/terjulmar
πŸ“…︎ May 05 2021
🚨︎ report
I’ve recently discovered I’m terrified of elevators, so I’m taking steps to avoid them.

I was a little afraid of speed bumps too, but I’m slowly getting over them!

UPDATE: Thank you so much for all the upvotes and amazing responses, fellow Dad Joke lovers. You make the world a happier place! 🀩

πŸ‘︎ 17k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Whoopass_voice
πŸ“…︎ Nov 12 2020
🚨︎ report
πŸš€ β€πŸŒ•Cybertruck Prototype πŸŒ• β€πŸš€

β€πŸš€πŸŒ• ‍ELON TWEET HYPE, BUT WITH LEGIT LONG TERM DEVS . πŸŒ• β€πŸš€
Strap in and get ready to launch.

This was created by a professional dev team of HOGL And BUFFTOWN (Developers of HOGL and Shield) They are dedicating their spare time to launch this as a meme project that will explode. Get in. We’re going to run this long term for listings on both CMC and Gecko.
Cybertruck Prototype has an ambitious core team of experienced Crypto veterans, all working day and night ( I mean this, we actually forced one to stay up well past his bed time while in the voice channel. ) to make sure we get to the moon fast, and safe.

⭐️ ⭐️ ⭐️ 4.6MM 24Hour Volume⭐️⭐️ ⭐️
⭐️ Market Cap as of typing this 2.3MM⭐️

INCOMING CATALYSTS:

CMC LISTING: Coming soon.

COINGECKO LISTING: Coming Soon

SNL TONIGHT and the CyberTruckPrototype itself being the star of the show in NYC.

This is NOT a P&D. Liquidity is LOCKED, and ownership RENOUNCED.

CONTRACT RENOUNCED:
bscscan /address/0xf340e33aef552c836b4538ba09bbfccd5f42fa17#readContract

⭐️ Contract:

bscscan /token/0xf340E33aef552C836b4538BA09bBfCcd5f42fa17

⭐️ CHART:

poocoin /tokens/0xf340e33aef552c836b4538ba09bbfccd5f42fa17

⭐️ Website
Cybertruck . financial

⭐️ Telegram

t me /CyberTruckPrototypeOfficial

⭐️ Twitter

twitter /officialcybert

⭐️ Reddit
r /CyberTruckPrototype

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/lynseahoss
πŸ“…︎ May 09 2021
🚨︎ report
I tried to organize a professional Hide and Seek tournament, but it was a complete failure.

Good players are hard to find.

πŸ‘︎ 17k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Oct 05 2020
🚨︎ report
There's been a lot of people who aren't Dad's making Dad jokes on here recently. If you're not a Dad you shouldn't be making Dad Jokes.

It's a faux pa.

πŸ‘︎ 17k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/viky_boy
πŸ“…︎ Nov 05 2020
🚨︎ report
After all this home schooling, my kid finally lost control
πŸ‘︎ 59
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/PrettyPeeved
πŸ“…︎ Jan 28 2021
🚨︎ report
I have started carrying a piece of stone with me to throw at people who sing Christmas songs before Thanksgiving.

It’s my jingle bell rock.

πŸ‘︎ 17k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Oct 17 2020
🚨︎ report
I was gutted this afternoon when my wife told me my 5 year old son wasn't actually mine.

She then said I need to pay more attention at school pick up.

πŸ‘︎ 6k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Brucemoose1
πŸ“…︎ Sep 30 2020
🚨︎ report
I bought a new-build house!

When I walked in the place was great, everything was perfect apart from the kitchen. There were gas mains but no cooker! Work surfaces and water pipes, but no sink; empty plugs and spaces for where the fridge and freezer should sit.

When I bought the house I was told it was fully furnished! Furious, I called up intending to give whomever answered an earful.

I was told that everything should be arriving individually, and the house is being used as an experiment for completely autonomous, self thinking kitchen appliances!

Before I could reply there was a knock on the door. I opened it and a stove strolled in, tilted forward in a bow, slid past me and set itself into its spot! Even attaching itself to the gas mains!

Later that day another knock at the door signalled the arrival of the fridge and freezer.(who had travelled together) They bowed and sat themselves perfectly in place in my new kitchen. I was beaming!

That evening I was explaining to my wife how the appliances had arrived, when came another knock at the door. β€œThis technology is going to change the world, I swear it!” I told her. β€œCan you answer the door? I’ve been on my feet all day”

β€œYeah,” she replied, less enthusiastic than I,β€œbut it’ll get to a point when humans are completely inferior.” She explained β€œWhen these machines develop such sentience, what’s stopping them from overthrowing us?” β€œTreating us as slaves, like we to them now?” She asked, distraught at theses ideas.

Knock knock

β€œIt’s best not to worry about these things,” I said in an attempt to alleviate her fears.

β€œThere are people- professionals developing contingencies for any possible future robot uprising!” β€œThat future you’re frightened about is purely science fiction right now, and the way our collective knowledge and application of technology has advanced, (Even in the past 50 years!) our own scientists and engineers will be able to crush any worries we may have when the time comes.” I explained.

She sighed, agreeing somewhat reluctantly. β€œDon’t think on it now, have some faith!” I told her.

Knock knock

β€œNow let that sink in!”

πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/olemonheado
πŸ“…︎ Apr 29 2021
🚨︎ report
The other dads in my Zoom meeting today may have been a bit jealous. I mentioned how my adolescent daughter has been so generous and nice during quarantine while I use the family computer for work, instead of her wasting time all day, watching YouTube. I have to say,

I'm glad to have the no-vid kind teen.

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/xxUsernameMichael
πŸ“…︎ Apr 27 2020
🚨︎ report
I really don't like hanging around horses. Every time I come up with an idea, they say it won't work.

They're a bunch of neigh-sayers.

πŸ‘︎ 44
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/bobskimo
πŸ“…︎ Feb 12 2020
🚨︎ report
When people ask me if i've always been in the IT industry, i tell them "No, i used to be a diesel fitter."

"I worked at a factory that made women's undergarments, and i stood at the end of the line. Every time a pair came down, id put them on my head and say dees'l fit'r."

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/5L1mm
πŸ“…︎ Apr 21 2021
🚨︎ report

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.