I just started a business where we specialize in weighing tiny objects.
It’s a small scale operation.
Today morning when I stood on the weighing scale it didn't move at all
Why should you eat your meals from a weighing scale?
So you can have a balanced diet.
It's literally a weighing machine
My job is making sure that the cow weighing scales are accurate
You could say my position is tare-a-bull
After weighing myself...
Full disclosure, I'm just a guy in his mid-20s - not a dad, though with my cheesy sense of humor I may as well be. Wanted to share one of my prouder examples of that today.
Anyways, a couple friends and I were visiting another friend out of town, and we'd been eating quite a bit on our trip (and not the healthiest stuff either). I randomly decided to weigh myself and found that I was 158 lbs, which was a bit alarming because I had just been around 150 a week or two prior.
Came downstairs and the topic of how much we'd been eating came up. I mentioned my weight of 158, and one of my friends went "Damn, how did that happen?" And I swear to god, without even thinking, this just came out:
"Well I was 150... and then I eight."
Why are fish so easy to weigh
Because they come with there own scales
If you want to weigh a whale you take it to a whale weigh station. So where do you go if you want to weigh a pie?
Somewheeere over the rainbow...
What weighs more 10 pounds of bricks or 10 pounds of feathers?
Feathers because you have to carry the weight of what you did to those poor birds
How much does a dumpling weigh?
How much does Dwayne Johnson weigh?
What's blue and doesn't weigh much?
I had to weigh my options
How much did a single pyramid stone weigh?
I was wondering who weighed more, cows or horses
Sure, the horse is bigger, but the cow looks BEEFY
“Mom,” I asked curiously, “how much do you weigh?”
“Tread lightly,” my father warned, “because your mother can’t.”
Where do you weigh whales?
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
At a whale-weigh station.
How much does a hipster weigh?
Where would you weigh a pie?
Somewhere over the rainbow.
How do you determine the mass of a red hot chili pepper?
Give it a weigh, give it a weigh, give it a weigh now
Where's the best place to weigh a pie?
Somewhere over the rainbow. It even says in the song, "Somewhere over the rainbow, weigh a pie"...
The urge to sing “The Lion Sleeps Tonight” is always just a whim away...
A whim away, a whim away, a whim away
Fishes are pretty easy to weigh
They have their own scales
Last night I had a dream that I weighed less than a thousandth of a gram.
Imagine Americans switched from Pound to Kilograms overnight
There would be mass confusion
Cant weigh to see their face
Which weighs more, a gallon of water or a gallon of butane?
A gallon of water. Butane is lighter fluid.
I asked my wife to rate my listening skills and she said, “You’re an 8 on a scale of 10.”
I still don’t get why she wanted me to urinate on a skeleton...
Did you hear about the party held for devices used to weigh tractor trailers' loads?
It was a large scale celebration.
What does a 7ft tall butcher weigh?
What is as big as a hippopotamus but weighs nothing at all?
Where do you go to weigh a pie?
Somewhere over the rainbow.
(sing it, and you’ll get it)
My sword doesn't weigh much.
What is blue and doesn't weigh much?
Light blue.
Edit : Thanks for the silver and gold
Edit 2 : Wow that blue up
Edit 3 : I never type "thanks for the ..." line, but since silver is also a colour, I did.
Dad: What weighs more? A gallon of water or a gallon of butane? Son: they both weigh the same.
Dad: wrong. Water is a fluid and butane is a lighter fluid!
Edit: credit to u/Kelly240361
Why are fish so easy to weigh?
Because they come with their own scales.
Why are fish so easy to weigh?
They come with their own scales
Why are fish so easy to weigh?
They come with their own scales.
Last night I had a dream that I weighed less than a thousandth of a gram.
Last night I had a dream that I weighed less than a thousandth of a gram.
What's blue and doesn't weigh very much?
How much do dumplings weigh?
Today I had a dream that I weighed less than a thousandth of a gram
Which weighs more, a gallon of water, or a gallon of butane?
A gallon of water. Butane is a lighter fluid.
What's blue and doesn't weigh very much?
Where is a good place to weigh a pie?
Somewhere over the rainbow
Where do you weigh a pie?
Somewhere over the rainbow...
What weighs more; a gallon of water or a gallon of butane?
The water weighs more. Butane is the lighter fluid.
My friend and I started a business where we weigh tiny objects.
It’s a small scale operation.
Last night I had a dream that I weighed less than a thousandth of a gram.
Which weighs more, a gallon of water or a gallon of butane?
A gallon of water. Butane is lighter fluid.
What weighs more, a ton of feathers or a ton of bricks?
A ton of feathers. You have to carry the weight of what you did to those poor birds.
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