A cull-de-sack
Confused and upset, I asked why.
The vet advised he was too heavy to hold any longer.
Because it is a sin to co-vet an oxen or donkey.
The vet replied, "Nothing major, he's just really heavy!"
But I’m not worried, since he doesn’t have the balls to do anything
Vet: "I'm sorry, I don't understand. It's toucan fusing."
Look, sometimes you have to call a spayed a spayed.
During a recent password audit by a company, it was found that an employee was using the following password:
"MickeyMinniePlutoHueyLouieDeweyDonaldGoofySacremento"
When asked why they had such a long password, the employee rolled their eyes and said "Hello! It has to be at least 8 characters and include at least one capital!"
My dog was delighted.
...he has chirpes.
'What's that?'
'It's a cararial disease... and, by the way, it's untweetable.'
bronco-die-laters
Vet: "are you picking up what I'm putting down"
Me: "Hello, I need to make an appointment for my pet Ostrich."
Vet: "Ok what's the problem?"
Me: "He's holding his head to one side."
Vet: "Hmm, maybe neck's weak?"
Me: "Haven't you got anything sooner?"
Yesterday, I took a herd of cows out for drinks.
Guess we’ll call him Eggplant now
He said, “vet? I’m fucking soaking”
She was a bit scared a very confused until we showed up at grandmas house as usual. Happy Veterans Day to my mom and those who served ! and thanks to all of you that are AD | NAD | TRS | TAMP for your service.
Sorry, that we were unable to reattach it to your duck.”
I don’t understand. Don’t people take their pets to the vet to get fixed all the time?
"Hamster?" she laughed, "That's a snake".
Thankfully, he’s in a stable condition.
She says I have a reptile dysfunction.
I told him that I would be happy to consider LASIK, but wondered how it would help us potty train him?
I took my Rottweiler to the vet because it’s cross eyed, he lifted it up to look at it then said:
“I’m going to have to put this dog down.”
“What!? Why!” I exclaimed. “Because it’s cross eyed?”
“No, because it’s heavy”. He replied.
Apparently he has a reptile dysfunction.
Cat litter's more common.
It was ill-eagle.
When I walked in, I saw a lady holding a leash attached to a miniature pony. I asked what was wrong with it, she said "he's just a little hoarse."
Yep, he’s nut free.
I guess he had no balls.
The vet said it had a reptile dysfunction.
“Well,” the vet says, “Let’s have a look at him.” The vet picks up the dog and looks into his eyes. After a few second the he says, “I’m afraid I’m going to have to put him down.”
The shocked owner replies, “what?! Because he’s cross-eyed?!”
“No, because he’s heavy.”
She confirmed my worst fears. Diagnosis: Barkinson's disease.
We recently discovered mice in our pantry. Everyone’s advice? Get a cat. Apparently they are stone cold killers.
We made some calls and learned from our vet that they had two cats that need to be rehomed. I agreed to take them sight unseen. I think it’s a boy and girl but I don’t actually know. We pick them up next week.
We want to instill the right spirit into our mercenaries by naming them after famous murderers, but want to lighten the mood with puns.
So far we have come up with Jeffrey Paw-er but we are certain our Reddit friends can do better. We need male and female options. I understand one cat is black and the other is a brown mix.
We need help coming up with names, anyone up for the challenge??
He came down with a stellar case of lunar tics.
A dogtor.
He was a little hoarse!
Update: I’m very sad to announce that he has been diagnosed with hay fever. Please send him your best wishes for a speedy recovery.
Thankfully, he’s in a stable condition.
