So it turns out Dr. Pepper isn't a real medical doctor...
He has a doctorate in theoretical fizz-ics
Two Deer walk out of a gay bar. One of them turns to the other and says
“I can’t believe I blew 40 bucks in there”
My friend couldn't figure out why he kept getting wet on his deck when it rained. Turns out he wasn't standing under the awning.
Two giant windmills are out on a hilltop. One turns to the other and asks, "what kind of music do you like? "
The other one says, "I'm a really big metal fan."
I got tickets for the next Super Bowl plus hotel and airfare, but it turns out my wedding is on the same day!
If you'd like to go instead, it's at St. Peter's Church on Main Street at 6:00 pm. Her name is Melanie and she'll be wearing all white.
I'm trying to get better at making jokes from blending words together, but all my attempts turn out bad
Despite all my effort, I can't produce more than a poormansteau at best
I tried to become a stand up comedian, but it turns out that I am more of a "sit down" comedian.
After every joke I told, someone kept yelling "sit down"!
I had a crazy dream last night! I was swimming in an ocean of orange soda. Turns out it was just a Fanta sea.
Why did the highschool prom turn out to be such a joke?
The punchline was too long
Two thistles are arguing over who has the better yard The one turns to the other and says "your dirt is way too loose, man, look" and yanks him up and out of the ground Second thistle looks up at the first and goes
"I artichoke you for that"
2 snowmen out in a field, one turns to the other and says...
I just went the doctors, turns out I’m colourblind
The results came completely out of the purple!
A detective couple adopts a teenager who turns out to be a pyromaniac.
After spending a few days at a detective convention, they come home to find their house burned to the ground.
"What do you think caused this?" One asked the other.
The other just sighed and replied "It was most likely ourson (arson)."
Turns out all my exes had COVID for years.
I'm building my own guitar, but every time I look at the wood I've bought for it, I get overwhelmed by anxiety about how it will turn out.
I shouldn't have started with the fretboard.
My first attempt at making rye bread didn’t turn out great...
... guess something went awry
It turns out the capitol rioter did NOT accidentally kill himself with a taser to the balls and the story was just made up to disrespect him...
I don't think anyone is shocked.
(Source: https://www.snopes.com/fact-check/capitol-riot-taser-death)
Eight days in and this year looks like it might be as bad as last year. Possibly even worse. If it does turn out worse, well, you know what they say...
As a short guy, I was completely sure there was nothing to be done about my height. I went to the doctor, turns out I had scoliosis.
I asked my local locksmith why he's still open during these crazy times. Turns out he's a key worker.
So is the piano shop owner next door.
Turns out that Lance Armstrong was not only taking drugs...
Turns out there’s a group of people who believe the earth is just a rented apartment from galactic British overlords
I couldn’t figure out why my checkbook wouldn’t balance. It turns out I was adding instead of subtracting.
And that made all the difference.
We’ve just had a decorator in to do some work. I got chatting to him, and it turns out he is a pilot on furlough, earning a bit of cash.
He did a lovely job of the landing.
Turns out our washing machine DOES have a “baby poop” setting.
It’s called “Heavy Doody.”
I lost my watch at a party once, turns out there was a guy harassing a woman while stepping on my watch. I went over to him a punched him, saying, “No one does that to a woman...
I have had a decorator in this week. Turns out he is normally a Pilot for BA, but has been furloughed due to Corona.
He did a lovely job of the landing.
I put up a random movie, turns out it was about the invention of the tampon
I didn’t expect it to be a period piece
I am grilling tonight. I don't know how these sausages will turn out...
but I am expecting the wurst.
Before I became a dad, I was terrified I wouldn't know how to be a good one. Oddly enough, it turns out, it's in my blood!!
I come from a long line of fathers...
Last night in jail, they gave us mint chocolates for dessert. I thought they'd be be gross, but they were actually pretty good! Turns out...
...that in-prison mint isn't as bad as I expected!
I had a hard time figuring out how to turn on the lights in my new apartment.
I couldn't reserve a seat in library. Turns out they were...
Turns out that the coronavirus is set to cost the world 2.5% of the global GDP if it continues at the rate it's going.
It's very influenzial on the worldwide market.
Turns out our Lyft driver is a sheepherder
He said he'll be here in two shakes of a lamb's tailpipe.
I hope my home-baked breadsticks turn out okay.
Why did the breath freshener turn red and run out of the room?
It had a large amount of embarrass-mint.
Turns out that , the curvy girl I knew died yesterday . What a waist!
I just took a DNA test and it turns out I'm related to Egyptian royalty
If you leave a pear out too long does it turn into a parrot?
Just randomly thought of this, hope it's good and at least moderately original (ik there's a lot of pear puns in general)
So it turns out that one of my old friends might be going blind.
He’s not looking so good.
I thought the pony was speechless, turns out he was just a little hoarse
After a long time, I told my hot coworker how I felt. Turns out she felt the same way.
So I turned on the air conditioning.
We’ve just had a decorator in to do some work on the house. I got chatting to him and it turns out he is a British Airways pilot who’s been furloughed and earning a bit of extra cash.
He made a lovely job of the landing.
I couldn't reserve a seat in library. Turns out they were...
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