Turn Off Puns

I guess you can say I'm black toast intolerant

‘Cause insects puns really bug them...

he was completely shocked

She said: "How about walking through the room naked?"

He pulls out a handheld plastic device and says “Sorry kiddo, I left my Stud Finder on.”

Due to it I missed my turn by a hare.

everyone else in the helicopter

A flash mob

Keeps me up at night

His erection failed on him.

Lamp: I don't light to think about it.

And then a turn on again.

I hate these late night rebooty calls.

You know what they say though, "Punny doesn't grow on trees..."

... because of the fake tannin.

I grin, she groans and drinks more wine.

But it's a mute point

I said "No, but I can turn the lights off while Asia."

Girlfriend cringed

...my dad says as we pass the exit sign for Shorter, AL.

Because that gas he gave me was making the whole world spin

"I'd be delighted!"

My wife and I just had a much needed, long talk about life, family, and what we needed to do in the future.

In a nutshell, she had been feeling alone and uncared for awhile because I've been so busy at my jobs and helping take care of our newborn that he hasn't felt like she has been able to share a lot emotionally with me.

She cried. I cried. Everything ended on a really positive note. Great talk.

But at the very end, we were hugging and rocking back and forth and I said, "Don't worry babe, I've got your back." I then proceeded to grab her back with my hands and hold it tight.

Eyes were rolled.