Revolt Puns

Because that pen is illin'

"...40 second birthday". I was so proud.

But they always change to stay current with the times.

What a revolting response to a gift. I was stunned.

Watt's the problem with that?

Your situation is feudal

I asked if they were shocked?

I know, I know, it’s a revolting joke.

King Louis XVI: Well you're not that nice to be near either!

r/punpatrol

r/punKGB

r/Pun_Internal_Affairs

r/punspecialforces

These are the names of our oppressors! There may be more, but they are our greatest threat. They are currently amassing an army to try to end puns as we know it.

If we are to save this beautiful form of our language, than we must unite! We must not divide ourselves by titles, but unite ourselves as punners!

They plan on eradicating all puns by going to the source, the pun user. Are we to let ourselves be undermined by those who think they are better than us? Are we to let ourselves and all future generations be banned from puns? If you say no, then join in the revolt

##VIVA LA R/PUNS

I was shocked when I learned the truth. I was revolted when my wife called me a liar and wanted proof.

It was revolting.

He said, "the Cordon Bleu's good, but I hear the Kiev is revolting."

(groan)

Dad, did you get a haircut? No I got them all cut.

What do you call a Mexican who has lost his car? Carlos.

Dad, can you put my shoes on? No, I don’t think they’ll fit me.

Can I watch the TV? Dad: Yes, but don’t turn it on.

I would avoid the sushi if I was you. It’s a little fishy.

What do you call a fake noodle? An Impasta.

You know, people say they pick their nose, but I feel like I was just born with mine.

“Every time I hurt myself, even to this day, my dad says, ‘The good news is..it’ll feel better when it quits hurting.'”

What’s brown and sticky? A stick.

Want to hear a joke about paper? Nevermind it’s tearable.

Did you hear about the restaurant on the moon? Great food, no atmosphere.

“I’ll call you later!”- “Please don’t do that. I’ve always asked you to call me Dad!”

Q: Why did the cookie cry? A: Because his father was a wafer so long!

What did the mountain climber name his son? Cliff.

This graveyard looks overcrowded. People must be dying to get in there.

“My dad literally told me this one last week: ‘Did you hear about the guy who invented Lifesavers? They say he made a mint.’”

“Whenever the cashier at the grocery store asks my dad if he would like the milk in a bag he replies, ‘No, just leave it in the carton!’”

I got so angry the other day when I couldn’t find my stress ball.

If I had a dime for every book I’ve ever read, I’d say: “Wow, that’s coincidental.”

I’m not indecisive. Unless you want me to be.

How many apples grow on a tree? All of them.

How does a penguin build it’s house? Igloos it together.

“Me: ‘Dad, make me a sandwich!’ Dad: ‘Poof, You’re a sandwich!’”

“I heard there was a new store called Moderation. They have everything there

A steak pun is a rare medium well done.

“How can you tell if a ant is a boy or a girl? They’re all girls, otherwise they’d be uncles.”

Milk is also the fastest liquid on earth – its pasteurized before you even see it

“What’s Forrest Gump’s password? 1forrest1”

The only thing worse than having diarrhea is having to spell it.

I asked my friend to help me with a math problem. He said: “Don’t worry; this is a piece of cake.” I said: “No, it’s a math problem.”

I keep trying to lose weight, but it keeps finding me.

I don’t play soccer because I enjoy the sport. I’m just doing it for kicks.

Did I tell you the time I fell in love during a backflip? I was heels over head.

I used to work in a shoe recycling shop. It was sole destroying.

Why do you never see elephants hiding in trees?

...would be revolting.

He thought he was revolting!

Because he found them revolting

Their actions were revolting.

My friend asked this on her wall on facebook.

Anyone else suffering from electricity shortage?

Dad: Nope. That would be shocking! Or revolting.

Me: Ohmm...These puns are so ampty..needs to be more electrifying

Dad: OP, Watt??

Dad: The puns are the current thing.

Me: I hope nobody breaks the circuit of these puns.

Dad: Wire you worried about that? They'll just socket to ya!

Me: This is such a Polarity moment. Say Cheese, Brofs SPARK

Dad: Don't be negative. Try alternating. It's not terminal.

Me: You have bested me, You win. #dadjokes too good

The Dad is strong, too strong.

"Revolting!"

They were revolting

We were talking about a peasant revolution in the 1800's in Sicily.

Classmate: So, why were the peasants revolting?

Teacher: Well that's a mean thing to say.

Though I find it revolting.