Given social distancing regulations, a ton of condiment companies are being forced to cancel July 4th campaigns like sponsored concerts, where they planned to hand out signature color sunglasses to attendees.

Bad idea, Heinz-Sight 2020.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/DeusJZ
πŸ“…︎ Jun 26
🚨︎ report
I started an Etsy shop with tons of custom graphic tees. Feel free to take a look. I would love any feedback :)

https://www.etsy.com/listing/827477171/youre-my-jam-unisex-jersey-short-sleeve

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πŸ‘€︎ u/TheGroovyGiraffe
πŸ“…︎ Jun 22
🚨︎ report
I know tons of dad jokes! Here’s one

1

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πŸ‘€︎ u/dandan_56
πŸ“…︎ May 29
🚨︎ report
Geroge Washing Ton and Bill Clean Ton
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Safinkodyr
πŸ“…︎ Apr 15
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My friend is a sushi chef and makes a ton of money.

He drives a Rolls-Rice.

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TheTeddly
πŸ“…︎ Jun 04
🚨︎ report
I see a ton of people driving in automobiles by themselves and still wearing a mask, what are they afraid of?

Car-onavirus?

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Elon_Muskmelon
πŸ“…︎ Apr 11
🚨︎ report
What do you call a president that has a ton of laundry to do?

Washington

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/_Skylar_11
πŸ“…︎ Feb 05
🚨︎ report
A truck unloaded tons of hand tools into a river...

It is now a screwed river

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πŸ‘€︎ u/dubaidadjokes
πŸ“…︎ Feb 13
🚨︎ report
The NBA played it's first game in France yesterday. I decided to use that opportunity to make a ton of French puns. roto.life/nba-paris-game-…
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πŸ‘€︎ u/bathrobeDFS
πŸ“…︎ Jan 25
🚨︎ report
I have tons of friends!

Jerry and Bob, my favorite sumo wrestlers.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Tien2707
πŸ“…︎ Feb 16
🚨︎ report
A ton of milk weighs less in a car, because then it's a carton.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/KairuSmairukon
πŸ“…︎ Nov 06 2019
🚨︎ report
I eat a ton of corn everyday.

I guess that makes me a cornivore.

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Azikiro
πŸ“…︎ Jul 04 2019
🚨︎ report
I saw tons of epic memers talking about how Shrek 5 will be grossing more than Endgame.

I can agree, how Shrek acts in the movies is really gross.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/davebob3103
πŸ“…︎ Jun 06 2019
🚨︎ report
Did you know that TON spelled backwards is NUT

No it’s not

πŸ‘︎ 156
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Stardust4242
πŸ“…︎ Dec 23 2018
🚨︎ report
Why do ants never get sick? Because the have a ton of ant-i body’s
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πŸ“…︎ Jun 09 2019
🚨︎ report
Light reflecting off Vietnamese soup should be called Pho tons
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πŸ‘€︎ u/snuzet
πŸ“…︎ Jan 30 2019
🚨︎ report
What is lighter: 1 ton of steel or 1 ton of feathers?

Correct answer: A potential fire-hazard...

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Nico_Walentine
πŸ“…︎ Mar 24 2019
🚨︎ report
I love using Anker cables, I bought a ton of them to charge all my devices. Although, I have so many of them now, it's hard to keep them in order.

I need to take an Anker Management class.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/uabassguy
πŸ“…︎ Mar 26 2019
🚨︎ report
I’ve always wondered what a ton of bricks would feel like

And then it hit me.

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/MeTrickulous
πŸ“…︎ Jan 19 2019
🚨︎ report
What do you call a machine that makes a ton of the letter s?

A s lot machine.

πŸ‘︎ 61
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πŸ‘€︎ u/takemytwixbyforce
πŸ“…︎ Dec 28 2017
🚨︎ report
Just wanted to let you all know you're a ton of fun.

Metrically speaking.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/watersofserenity
πŸ“…︎ Feb 18 2019
🚨︎ report
Me: I met a ton of people

Dad: You had them weighed?

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πŸ‘€︎ u/luna-love-good
πŸ“…︎ Nov 04 2018
🚨︎ report
I always wondered why my dog has to stop and sniff a ton of things for ages on our daily walks...

...and then it dawned on me she's just checking her peemail.

I suppose this morning's half-hearted squat to pee while moving was a reply-all.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Batshit_Betty
πŸ“…︎ Jun 18 2018
🚨︎ report
I know a ton of halloween jokes

A sekele-ton

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πŸ‘€︎ u/barwhalis
πŸ“…︎ Oct 31 2018
🚨︎ report
What is the opposite of ton?

No, it's not.

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πŸ“…︎ Feb 02 2018
🚨︎ report
My grandma in Liverpool got scammed out of a ton of money.

2000 pounds.

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Freklred
πŸ“…︎ Feb 19 2018
🚨︎ report
Over the past 3 years I’ve lost a ton of weight at the gym.

I am now being sued.

πŸ‘︎ 14
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Kavotch
πŸ“…︎ Mar 13 2018
🚨︎ report
Dracula is walking down a street in Transylvania when suddenly tons of sandwiches, mini sausage rolls, crisps, chicken wings and cocktail sausages fall on him...

Buried under all this food, his dying words were, "Oh no, it's Buffet the Vampire Slayer!"

πŸ‘︎ 17
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πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ Oct 13 2017
🚨︎ report
I tried to pick up the navy's new mounted laser turret but it weighed more than a ton.

I thought a laser would be light.

πŸ‘︎ 49
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Calthropstu
πŸ“…︎ Oct 05 2017
🚨︎ report
I can pump a ton of iron.

It runs in my blood.

πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Threeatatime1
πŸ“…︎ Jan 22 2018
🚨︎ report
George Washing a ton
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πŸ‘€︎ u/CrazyFox1337
πŸ“…︎ Feb 06 2015
🚨︎ report
Made a pun app with tons of puns. - Hundreds of puns - Submit your own! - Save and share your favorites Enjoy! play.google.com/store/app…
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πŸ‘€︎ u/nickex77
πŸ“…︎ Feb 11 2017
🚨︎ report
The Chinese government donates a ton of Viagra to the Austrian government.

They've heard that they can't get an election.

πŸ‘︎ 18
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πŸ‘€︎ u/stephanplus
πŸ“…︎ Sep 12 2016
🚨︎ report
A lorry carrying 25 tons of Vicks Vapour Rub has overturned on the M6, near Birmingham, spilling it's load onto the carriage way.

The Police have said, there will be no congestion for at least 12hrs.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/mykeuk
πŸ“…︎ May 11 2017
🚨︎ report
So my wife said there's a ton of ISO's on Facebook for girl guide cookies.

I said we should post it at a boosted price because they are mint in box.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/DarkOdeon
πŸ“…︎ Sep 25 2017
🚨︎ report
Ordered some won ton soup from the Chinese last night.... The bowl was huge
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πŸ‘€︎ u/akjohnston87
πŸ“…︎ Nov 27 2016
🚨︎ report
My friend bought 2 hot dogs from 7/11 and put a ton of chili on it...

After about 20 minutes of not eating one, my other friend asks him "Isn't it getting cold?". I said "Don't you mean it's getting chili?"

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/AgniloOfAstora19
πŸ“…︎ Feb 14 2016
🚨︎ report
How much does wonton soup weigh? One ton, but I don't know anyone that'd wantonly order it.
πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/marcuccione
πŸ“…︎ Jan 03 2017
🚨︎ report
Why'd the stoner take a ton of laxatives while high?

Oh, just shits and giggles

πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Maimedbystander
πŸ“…︎ Apr 29 2014
🚨︎ report
My dad stacked a ton of bacon on his plate...

He took a bite, smirked and said, "This bacon is great Sarah. It's hard to believe it's sodium free!"

My wife looked at me with a quizzical look on her face and responded, "Ummm... Bruce...this isn't sodium free bacon."

"I know!" My dad exclaimed. "That's why it's so hard to believe!"

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ“…︎ Aug 03 2016
🚨︎ report
My dad parked next to a campsite on a lake that had tons of ducks

He asked me what I thought of it, I told him "it looks fowl"

πŸ‘︎ 18
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πŸ‘€︎ u/SparkyDogPants
πŸ“…︎ Sep 18 2015
🚨︎ report
I got a ton of them. This one happened today.

Dad drives me to campus this morning so he can use the car later. At a crosswalk a police officer is always waving his hand, either toward students who want to cross or the other direction for cars to come through. Every time he says "hey man, if you want to fly you need both hands." (with the windows closed)

While waving to our car with one hand he actually started waving hello to someone else. We cracked up when he finally took my dad's advice.

πŸ‘︎ 18
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πŸ‘€︎ u/piclemaniscool
πŸ“…︎ Nov 11 2013
🚨︎ report
So I have a ton of red itchy bumps on my face and chest, I can't decide what I should do, can somebody help me out.....

I don't wanna make any rash decisions....

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/PineappleTrees21
πŸ“…︎ Jan 16 2015
🚨︎ report
A ton of milk weighs less in the car.

Then it's only a carton.

πŸ‘︎ 40
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πŸ‘€︎ u/KairuSmairukon
πŸ“…︎ Aug 03 2019
🚨︎ report

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