What weighs more, a ton of feathers or a ton of bricks?
A ton of feathers. You have to carry the weight of what you did to those poor birds.
I have tons of unemployment jokes.
I'd tell you one but none of them work
Not the best joke, but it's not bad when you read it backwards.
Now that the Fall is officially here, I can't wait to make tons of extra money gathering leaves..
.. last year I raked it in.
There once was a man who would buy tons of buckets of roofing sealant, change the label then resell them.
Sometimes he would simply rename the brand. Sometimes he would name it a different product entirely. In a few horrific instances he repackaged it as food products. Eventually he was found, arrested, and brought to court. And though he admitted to doing all those things, he insisted that he had done nothing illegal and that moreover, his actions were protected by the law and the Constitution. His reasoning?
"I have the right to rename sealant!!!"
“I’m about to be in a crap ton of pain.” “Why?”
“I just ate spicy food, son.”
I know tons of dad jokes! Here’s one
Given social distancing regulations, a ton of condiment companies are being forced to cancel July 4th campaigns like sponsored concerts, where they planned to hand out signature color sunglasses to attendees.
Bad idea, Heinz-Sight 2020.
Wolverine delivered tons of gifts on Christmas
People called him Santa Claws
Geroge Washing Ton and Bill Clean Ton
My friend is a sushi chef and makes a ton of money.
I see a ton of people driving in automobiles by themselves and still wearing a mask, what are they afraid of?
What do you call a president that has a ton of laundry to do?
The NBA played it's first game in France yesterday. I decided to use that opportunity to make a ton of French puns. roto.life/nba-paris-game-…
A truck unloaded tons of hand tools into a river...
It is now a screwed river
What's called when people start buying tons of stuff "just in case" during a crisis?
I have tons of friends!
Jerry and Bob, my favorite sumo wrestlers.
A ton of milk weighs less in a car, because then it's a carton.
I eat a ton of corn everyday.
I guess that makes me a cornivore.
Did you know that TON spelled backwards is NUT
I saw tons of epic memers talking about how Shrek 5 will be grossing more than Endgame.
I can agree, how Shrek acts in the movies is really gross.
Light reflecting off Vietnamese soup should be called Pho tons
Why do ants never get sick? Because the have a ton of ant-i body’s
What do you call a machine that makes a ton of the letter s?
What is lighter: 1 ton of steel or 1 ton of feathers?
A potential fire-hazard...
I love using Anker cables, I bought a ton of them to charge all my devices. Although, I have so many of them now, it's hard to keep them in order.
I need to take an Anker Management class.
I’ve always wondered what a ton of bricks would feel like
Just wanted to let you all know you're a ton of fun.
I always wondered why my dog has to stop and sniff a ton of things for ages on our daily walks...
...and then it dawned on me she's just checking her peemail.
I suppose this morning's half-hearted squat to pee while moving was a reply-all.
What is the opposite of ton?
Me: I met a ton of people
Dad: You had them weighed?
I know a ton of halloween jokes
My grandma in Liverpool got scammed out of a ton of money.
Dracula is walking down a street in Transylvania when suddenly tons of sandwiches, mini sausage rolls, crisps, chicken wings and cocktail sausages fall on him...
Buried under all this food, his dying words were, "Oh no, it's Buffet the Vampire Slayer!"
Over the past 3 years I’ve lost a ton of weight at the gym.
I tried to pick up the navy's new mounted laser turret but it weighed more than a ton.
I thought a laser would be light.
I can pump a ton of iron.
Made a pun app with tons of puns. - Hundreds of puns - Submit your own! - Save and share your favorites Enjoy! play.google.com/store/app…
The Chinese government donates a ton of Viagra to the Austrian government.
They've heard that they can't get an election.
A lorry carrying 25 tons of Vicks Vapour Rub has overturned on the M6, near Birmingham, spilling it's load onto the carriage way.
The Police have said, there will be no congestion for at least 12hrs.
My friend bought 2 hot dogs from 7/11 and put a ton of chili on it...
After about 20 minutes of not eating one, my other friend asks him "Isn't it getting cold?". I said "Don't you mean it's getting chili?"
A ton of milk weighs less in the car.