How to earn a ton of money in 1 easy step
Put 5 female pigs and 5 male deers in your backyard.
Congratulations, you now have ten sows and bucks!
There’s tons of liquidity in this market
A guy I know just bought a bunch (almost a shit-ton) of soft foam footballs and kerosene...
I think his plans are Nerfarious.
The skipper of a 40 ton trawler which ran aground in Hull during the early hours of Sunday was reported to be 6 times over the legal limit for sailing. Authorities said they had no idea what to do with a drunken sailor early in the morning.
a friend asked me to say won ton backwards ....
I said Not Now
Sorry , I had to do it
What weighs more, a ton of feathers or a ton of bricks?
A ton of feathers. You have to carry the weight of what you did to those poor birds.
I have tons of unemployment jokes.
I'd tell you one but none of them work
Now that the Fall is officially here, I can't wait to make tons of extra money gathering leaves..
.. last year I raked it in.
DAB TON
Not the best joke, but it's not bad when you read it backwards.
I know tons of dad jokes! Here’s one
There once was a man who would buy tons of buckets of roofing sealant, change the label then resell them.
Sometimes he would simply rename the brand. Sometimes he would name it a different product entirely. In a few horrific instances he repackaged it as food products. Eventually he was found, arrested, and brought to court. And though he admitted to doing all those things, he insisted that he had done nothing illegal and that moreover, his actions were protected by the law and the Constitution. His reasoning?
"I have the right to rename sealant!!!"
Given social distancing regulations, a ton of condiment companies are being forced to cancel July 4th campaigns like sponsored concerts, where they planned to hand out signature color sunglasses to attendees.
Bad idea, Heinz-Sight 2020.
Geroge Washing Ton and Bill Clean Ton
“I’m about to be in a crap ton of pain.” “Why?”
“I just ate spicy food, son.”
Wolverine delivered tons of gifts on Christmas
People called him Santa Claws
My friend is a sushi chef and makes a ton of money.
What do you call a president that has a ton of laundry to do?
The NBA played it's first game in France yesterday. I decided to use that opportunity to make a ton of French puns.
roto.life/nba-paris-game-…
A truck unloaded tons of hand tools into a river...
It is now a screwed river
What's called when people start buying tons of stuff "just in case" during a crisis?
A ton of milk weighs less in the car.
I eat a ton of corn everyday.
I guess that makes me a cornivore.
Did you know that TON spelled backwards is NUT
Light reflecting off Vietnamese soup should be called Pho tons
Why do ants never get sick? Because the have a ton of ant-i body’s
What do you call a machine that makes a ton of the letter s?
I love using Anker cables, I bought a ton of them to charge all my devices. Although, I have so many of them now, it's hard to keep them in order.
I need to take an Anker Management class.
I’ve always wondered what a ton of bricks would feel like
What is the opposite of ton?
I always wondered why my dog has to stop and sniff a ton of things for ages on our daily walks...
...and then it dawned on me she's just checking her peemail.
I suppose this morning's half-hearted squat to pee while moving was a reply-all.
Me: I met a ton of people
Dad: You had them weighed?
I know a ton of halloween jokes
My grandma in Liverpool got scammed out of a ton of money.
Dracula is walking down a street in Transylvania when suddenly tons of sandwiches, mini sausage rolls, crisps, chicken wings and cocktail sausages fall on him...
Buried under all this food, his dying words were, "Oh no, it's Buffet the Vampire Slayer!"
I tried to pick up the navy's new mounted laser turret but it weighed more than a ton.
I thought a laser would be light.
Over the past 3 years I’ve lost a ton of weight at the gym.
I can pump a ton of iron.
A ton of milk weighs less in a car, because then it's a carton.
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