What do you call a tipped over cow?
When I saw how much she tipped me...
A tipped my psychic an extra $20.00 the other day...
She was a very happy medium.
After buying grocers, I sat on the San Francisco pier and pondered life. My laundry detergent tipped over... now I’m
Sittin on the dock of a bay, watching my Tide roll away.
I went to what I thought was a christening but halfway through the vicar tipped a load of pish tasting lager over the poor baby.
Turns out he was being fostered.
Why do cab drivers expect to be tipped?
I just don't think that's fare.
Today when I was driving a manure truck tipped over.
Guess you could say that guy... Lost his shit
My cat tipped over her litter box
This was a shitty thing to wake up to
I would have tipped if I had cash.
What's the appeal of round-tipped knitting needles?
I tried googling tips to stop procrastinating but I ended up reading about photography
Chinese take out: 8 dollars. Tip: 2 dollars. Getting home to find out they forgot part of your order...
Pri-tip for you
Prison is easier if you stay incell
And that’s not the tip of the iceberg
So, if Ani is short for Anikan, and Ben is short for Obi-Wan, and Fives is short for CT-27-5555, and Artoo is short for R2D2, and Chewy is short for Chewbacca, what is Luke short for?
Did you know if you and your buddy fart at the same time it makes you Egyptian?
Because you have a Tutankhamun.
Note:I thought of this today I really hope the joke lands.
My dad always said, “ Find a girl with an embarrassing tattoo and try to convince her to marry you.”
“She knows how to make bad decisions and stick by them.”
My Vegan girlfriend left me over the meal I cooked last night.
What can I say? M'steaks were made.
Oh damn guess I get to keep my tip
I kept telling my brother not to put the Q-tip in too deep, but he never listens to my words.
It goes into one ear, and out the other.
My kid said he didn’t want the tri tip I bought him for dinner
So I told him if he didn’t eat, his life would be at steak
I lost my job at the bank on my very first day. A woman asked me to check her balance, so I pushed her over.
I tried to give the Uber Eats driver another tip for my Vietnamese soup.
What’s the oldest age someone could get a circumcision?
I just want to know the cutoff date.
If you have ever get locked out of your house, talk to your lock calmly
Because communication is key
Edit: it's from here, so please give the op credit
I’ve got a tip for a horse in tomorrow’s big race, it’s won all its races, it’s called “dusty carpet”
Life Pro Tip ~ Don't ever put ducks in a cement mixer because…
You'll get quacks in the pavement!
Don’t forget to tip the waitress
Pro tip: If you are looking for a cheap way to work out at home, consider using milk jugs as weights.
But be sure to use almond or soy milk, I’ve heard they’re the healthier alternatives.
How do parents lose their kids in the mall?
Seriously, any tips are welcome
My friend worked at the zoo to circumcise elephants, the pay was bad but...
I was in the betting shop
and my friend told me to put all my money on a horse named 'Landfill'.
Turns out it was a rubbish tip.
What is a thief’s house made out of?
Steal.
Courtesy of my daughter.
Want to hear a circumcision joke?
Did you hear about the lettuce farmer who was murdered on his way to the farmers' market?
They found his romaines at the scene of the crime.
The tall guy who tips off the ball to start basketball games was found deceased at mid-court...
Those tips should never be foresakeskin.
What do the Titanic and the Sixth sense have in common?
Icy dead people
Credit to b3ta
I have a great safety tip for Halloween this year
Why did the egg tip the waiter
Because the food was eggcellent
Is there some way to describe reading Braille incorrectly?
The words are right on the tip of my tongue.
The blockage of the Suez shipping canal is going to cause a worldwide shortage of toilet paper....
Unfortunately I ran out of toilet paper already so started using lettuce leaves. Today was the tip of the iceberg.
Customers always ask if I take tips
But I say no since I don't like change
They gave me a fork because I'm not Chinese.
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