The day I turned 42, my daughter walked up to me and said "happy...", and started timing on her watch. After a long silence she said...
"...40 second birthday".
I was so proud.
What’s the most important part of a joke timing?
A good pun requires periodic timing
Coming up with dad jokes is all about Vice Presidential timing.
There is an Al Gore rhythm.
The timing of the Corona virus is perfect for St. Patrick’s day
Because the cases keep Dublin.
I know it’s all about timing, but
Perfect Storm of Perfect Timing
What's the difference between a good joke and a bad joke timing
Why can’t drummers tell jokes timing
They say that the most important part of a joke is timing...
...But I've always thought it was pun-tuality.
Perfect Dad timing
Wife and I go to lunch and a movie. She wants to sneak her soda in under her sweater hoping it looks like an insulin pump.
I tell her it's more like a COLAstomy bag.
I told the timing joke to my family and they were all like "What?" "I don't get it".
It's too bad there's no Q in timing
What's the most important part of telling a joke right timing
If someone gets their timing wrong during Karaoke...
...it can now be called "Mariah Carey-oke"
You’re about to deliver a punchline to a blues-rock legend, but you pause for comedic timing.
This post in perfect timing
http://www.reddit.com/r/perfecttiming/comments/4y0e8j/_/
By /u/rhi_draw
"Timing"
"Hey, Chris, do you know the secret to good comedy?"
Time puns - The future, the present and the past walked into a bar. Things got a little tense.
My wife called me at work and said “it’s time, the baby is coming”
I said that’s impossible, Labor Day is in September!
(New dad of a 3 week old, trying to step into my new role)
My favourite time of day is 6:30
I gave my daughter a watch for her birthday. She thought it was so cool and when she showed it to the next door neighbor, he asked, "That's a pretty watch you've got there! Does it tell you the time?"
She laughed and said, "No, this is an old-fashioned watch! You have to look at it!"
Time flies like an arrow.
Fruit flies like a banana.
One time I posted 10 jokes in a row, hoping at least one would make Dads laugh on r/dadjokes
Sadly, no pun in ten did.
Sir Lance Sir Lance Sir Lance Sir Lance Sir Lance Sir Lance Sir Lance Sir Lance Sir Lance Sir Lance Sir Lance Sir Lance Sir Lance Sir Lance Sir Lance Sir Lance Sir Lance Sir Lance
Sir Lance Sir Lance Sir Lance Sir Lance Sir Lance Sir Lance Sir Lance Sir Lance Sir Lance Sir Lance Sir Lance Sir Lance Sir Lance Sir Lance Sir Lance Sir Lance Sir Lance Sir Lance Sir Lance Sir Lance Sir Lance Sir Lance Sir Lance Sir Lance Sir Lance Sir Lance Sir Lance Sir Lance Sir Lance Sir Lance Sir Lance Sir Lance Sir Lance Sir Lance Sir Lance Sir Lance Sir Lance Sir Lance Sir Lance Sir Lance Sir Lance Sir Lance Sir Lance Sir Lance Sir Lance Sir Lance Sir Lance Sir Lance Sir Lance Sir Lance Sir Lance Sir Lance Sir Lance Sir Lance Sir Lance Sir Lance Sir Lance Sir Lance Sir Lance Sir Lance Sir Lance Sir Lance Sir Lance Sir Lance Sir Lance Sir Lance Sir Lance.
TLDR; I wanted to say Sir Lancelot
I remember a time when plastic surgery was a taboo subject, but nowadays when you mention botox..
..no one even raises an eyebrow.
(Warning: Morbid dad joke) True Story -- My family were planning my mum's funeral. We always try to keep things light and try to stay positive, just as Mum would have it...
The funeral director was asking us what we think Mum should wear in her casket.
Mum always loved to wear sarongs (fabric wraps that go around the torso and drape downward a bit like a long skirt would), so my uncle suggested that she wear a sarong in there.
The funeral director looked a bit confused, as did some of our family members, to which my uncle added:
"What's sarong with that?"
I started laughing like an idiot. He was proud of it too. The funeral director was rather shocked. We assured her, and our more proper relatives, that Mum would've absolutely loved the joke (which is very true).
His delivery was perfect. I'll never forget the risk he took. We sometimes recall the moment as a way help cushion the blows of the grieving process.
--Edit--
I appreciate the condolences. I'm doing well and the worst is behind me and my family. But thanks :)
--Edit--
Massive thanks for all the awards and kind words. And the puns! Love 'em.
What do you call a man with a rubber toe?
Did you know that 10+10 and 11+11 are the same thing?
Because 10+10 is twenty and 11+11 is twenty too..
Edit: thank you for awards, I have never gotten one before. I apologize that this is a repost, I did see it on TikTok and thought that it was cute and wanted to share. In the future I will check the sub for similar content before I post anything.
After I long time I told my hot coworker how I felt,
She felt the same way.
So I turned on the air conditioner
Doc, every time I smell Mexican food my heart races.
Doc: Sounds like tacocardia.
Did you hear about the french general who stepped on a landmine?
You picked a fine time to leave me...
What cheese is the greatest of all time?
You know I was gonna tell a joke about time travel
But you guys didn’t like it very much
Lance is an uncommon name nowadays but in medieval times...
people were called Lance a lot.
My nephew was released from jail on the condition that I am aware about his whereabouts at all times.
If you slap Dwayne Johnsons butt
You officially hit rock bottom
Ughh..shut up and bill my purchase...
What time is best for visiting the dentist?
There will be point in the future when Canada will take over the world.
And then you will all be sorry.
My Bluetooth speaker wasn’t working so I threw it into the lake.
In surgery my doctor said, "So what do we have here?" I replied that I broke my arm in 12 places."
He replied, "Well, stop going to those places then!"
I could never date a woman wearing makeup all the time.
They'd think something was wrong with me.
I've started a boat building business in my attic...
...sails are going through the roof.
Why did the butterfly have such a hard time with his marriage?
He didn’t get along with his moth-er-in-law.
I googled 'lost medieval servant boy'
The result was 'This page cannot be found.'
What do you call a drunk person fumbling with their car keys?
Did you know if you and your buddy fart at the same time it makes you Egyptian?
Because you have a Tutankhamun.
Note:I thought of this today I really hope the joke lands.
Why is Dark spelled with a ‘K’ and not a ‘C’?
Because you can’t ‘C’ in the dark
My whole life I thought Chewbacca was an Ewok....
I've told this joke 21 times
When I was a single man, I had tons of free time.
Now that I started listening to full albums, I hardly ever leave the house.
If you're having a hard time peeing,
Aquaman backed into my car multiple times yesterday
"Fool me once - I'm mad. Fool me twice - How could you? Fool me three times - You're officially that guy, okay?"
6:30 is the best time on a clock.
Did you know 10+10 and 11+11 are the same
Because 10+10 is 20 and 11+11 is 20 too
I was gonna tell a time travelling joke
but you guys didnt like it
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