Tiling Puns

My next trip to the bathroom could spell disaster.

I got angry,

'Calm down Dad, it's just a game' he said

Well, I replied

'It's all fun and games until somebody loses an 'I' '

I Am Grout

When I asked him how much I owed him, he said, "Don't worry. It's on the house."

And suddenly I’m the idiot....

And my dad said, "I told you that method would be fewtile"

Is all fun and games until someone loses an "i".

They’re on the house

I lost it.

He had 4 tiles left but they meant nothing to me:

"O", "V", "N", "R".

I was checking out a chequered Czech check-out chick who was checking out some chicken at the checkout.

Probably because he has lost his marble(s).

He has square feet.

Depends how thinly you slice them.

Not looking forward to my next vowel movement.

I was floored when I found out.

Erect Tile Dysfunction

On the ground cry so i took it home and fed it and loved it as my child. When the tile moved out I was alone and asked myself "what do I do now my whole life was about raising the roof"

Trevor loved tractors. And I mean, really loved tractors. Forget any obsessions or high-level interests you may have, chances are they pale in the face of Trevor’s love for tractors.

Every day Trevor would get up, in his tractor-themed bedroom in his tractor-themed house, with its tractor-themed wallpaper and tractor-themed carpets, and he would make his bed with its tractor-themed duvet and tractor-themed sheets. He would go downstairs in his tractor-themed pajamas into his tractor-themed kitchen, with its tractor-themed tiles and cupboards, and he would eat his breakfast while perusing the latest tractor-themed magazine or annual.

Trevors’s degree in Agricultural Engineering hung on his living room wall, along with a copy of his thesis, which centred around (you guessed it) tractors. The living room was decorated with all sorts of tractor-related trinkets, including die-cast models, paintings and drawings.

The hedges in Trevor’s front garden were trimmed in the shape of tractors. His lawn was vividly decorated with tractor-driving garden gnomes, and his garden furniture was constructed from various parts from vintage tractor designs.

Trevor just had one thing missing from his otherwise tractor-centric life; he had never actually owned, nor driven, a real tractor.

Not for his lack of trying, of course. Trevor had been to many tractor shows over the years, and visited many farms with friends of his, but none of the tractors he had seen had ever been quite right. Trevor was so knowledgeable about tractors that every single one he had come across had possessed some hidden trait that he wasn’t keen on. His first experience of driving a real tractor had to be perfect.

One day, Trevor was flicking through one of his favourite publications, Powertrain Quarterly, when there was a knock at the door. Trevor answered, and it was his friend and fellow tractor enthusiast, Jeff.

Trevor welcomed Jeff in, and over tea and crumpets served on tractor-themed crockery, they discussed the merits of aluminium drawbars and front-end loaders. Eventually Trevor pressed Jeff to explain the reason for his visit.

“Well” said Jeff, “As I’m sure you know the convention comes to town later”.

The convention. Trevor had been thinking of little else the past three weeks. The neighbouring town annually threw a convention for farmers, particularly farmyard machinery. There would be combine harvesters, lawnmowers, and of course, tractors.

“Yes of course” replied Trevor

It's called "I Am Grout"

I got floored

For days he kept leaving little messages around the house.

I’m in for some vowel movement later.

It was a hoes-tile situation.

Nevermind I'm still working on it.

That's almost floor.

It was a separation of church and slate.

My next trip to the bathroom could spell disaster.

My next trip to the bathroom could spell disaster.

My next trip to the bathroom might spell disaster.

The next trip to the bathroom is going to spell disaster

I fear my next bathroom visit could spell DISASTER.

My next trip to the bathroom could spell disaster.

My next trip to the bathroom could spell disaster.

…my next trip to the bathroom could spell disaster.

And suddenly I’m the idiot.....

My next trip to the bathroom could spell disaster.

His next poop could spell disaster.

The next diaper change could spell disaster.

My next trip to the bathroom could spell disaster.

My next bathroom trip could spell disaster!!!

My next trip to the bathroom could spell disaster.

My next trip to the bathroom could spell disaster.

It’s all fun and games until someone loses an i.

His next poop could spell disaster.

My next poop could spell disaster.

I ate some Scrabble tiles the other day. My next shit could spell disaster.