She’s kiln it
She definitely urned it
Please don’t make fun of my re-seeding hare line.
I asked, “Why are you doing that?”
He responded with, “I’m making music. I call this ‘death metal’”
Day after day, she was always kiln it.
It was a relief when I finished.
There with a company with a lot of travelling salespeople, and they had an accounting procedure that was somewhat unusual. Since the salespeople were driving around a lot, they had to pay a lot of highway tolls. They would get reimbursed for this. Since these expenses were so common, and different from other expenses, they had a series of ceramic tiles that represented the amount of money they paid to take these highways. At the end of the day, after travelling their routes, they would come back and put them in the cash register and take money out to reimburse themselves. But the highways all raised their rates, and so the salespeople would come back with hands full of their tiles. So one Friday, after raised rates and very busy travel, the boss came in to look at the receptionist and her overloaded cash register. He asked her what was going on, and she said:
"The tall tiles in the till tell a tale of tall tolls"
He replied that he was working on "Aqua-thermal treatment of ceramics, aluminum and steel under a constrained environment."
I was impressed...Upon further inquiry, I learned that he was washing dishes, with hot water, under his wife’s supervision.
While learning about atoms, my instructor said that covalent bonds were the strongest bonds. I said, "I always thought Sean Connery was the strongest Bond." So many groans. I could feel the eye rolls. I love being the old guy in class.
All he has for collateral is a ceramic statue. The loan officer, Patty Black, is unsure of what to do so she consults with her supervisor; "Oh fine", he says. "It's a knick knack Patty Black, give the frog a loan."
Today was the first day of his class, Special Topics in Poetry. We walk in and there is a guest with some ceramic art. We thought we were gonna write poems about it or some shit, but then the professor says, "Welcome to special topics in pottery."
The whole class is like wat...?
Then the guest lady starts showing a powerpoint of some of her work and then we literally spent the whole class mushing clay and making bowls and shit.
To make things even dadder, he chuckled "poetry pottery heh heh heh" like we didn't get the joke and he had to explain it to us.
The frog pulls out a small weird shaped item, made of ceramic. Ms. Black isn’t sure what to make of it, so she asks her manager. He takes one look at the item, and says, “Why that’s a knick knack Patty Black, give that frog a loan!”
My older sister recently had a new roommate move in and found that roommate to be a bit careless with shared items. She had recently just bought new ceramic knives and came home to find one of the tips broken off. Lamenting to my dad when she came home to visit she exclaimed "$80 knife I just bought is already broken", slamming the broken knife down on the counter.
My dad without missing a beat, looks up from his book, straight faced and says "Well, this is why you can't have knife things."
Backstory: I had bought a set of nice Nespresso coffee cups for my parents for Christmas (original, I know). But these aren't your standard, chunky, ceramic Christmas mugs with snowflakes or Santas, but actually something for the type of coffee fanatics that spend their money on Clooney's kind of blend, what else?
So - having dessert; cake, coffee, the whole shabang.
Me, inspecting one of said cups: "I'm glad I actually found a set that doesn't stay in the cupboard all year like literally every other mug you've ever gotten from anyone."
Mom, eating cake: "Mm-hmm."
Me: "Like, these are actually really nice. I like the pattern around the base and how they're round and square at the same time."
Mom, between bites: "They're very nice."
Suddenly, Dad, eating his cake completely silently up until this point: "You should take a picture of them. Might make for a pretty cool mugshot."
Cue me barely managing to swallow my coffee, Mom chuckling into her cup and both our subsequent groans
Years ago I used to use a LexisNexis database of companies that would give corporate information like name, address, and general business description. While most of them were pretty bland, there were a bunch of them with some really cheesy puns, and over a few years I built quite a collection.
Today I share with you "NEXIS IS RIDICULOUS.txt":