When I came to the cruise party with an eyepatch on and a cutlass only to see everyone in suits and ties,
I realized I was dressed inappropirately
My friend Ty came first in the Beijing marathon, but wasn’t awarded a gold medal.
The Chinese refuse to acknowledge Ty won.
I finally cut ties with a friend who was dragging me down
Mountain climbing with a friend is very hard.
Rope walks into the bar. Bartender says, Sorry we don’t serve ropes here. Rope walks out, messes himself up, ties himself in a knot, and walks back into the bar. Bartender asked if he’s a rope!
Rope replies I’m a frayed knot.
Please vote here: When a prince ties fabric around his neck, is it a scarf, cravat or an ascot?
Voting has ended. It's a tie.
I finally cut ties with a person that was holding me back
Mountain climbing with friends is hard.
Sounds like a huge Oper-TUNA-ty!
Which country manufactures ties?
My friend ties fishing line to the zipper of his bitches then throws homemade lures into the water...
He says fly fishing is great fun!
My Chinese friend refuses to believe that our friend Ty is now the state boxing champion.
The Chinese don’t want to recognize Ty won.
Did you hear about the race between two ties?
You heard about the British pig that ties shoe laces very well?
A rope walks into a bar & asks for a beer. The bartender says, “No, you’re only a rope.” So he decides to disguise himself. He ties himself into a knot & ruffles his edges a bit. The next day, he walks into the bar & asks for a beer. The bartender says, “Of course... Wait, aren’t you that rope?”
And the rope replies, “I’m a frayed knot.”
A string walks into a bar with a few friends and orders a beer. The bartender says, "I'm sorry, but we don't serve strings here." The string goes back to his table. He ties himself in a loop and messes up the top of his hair. He walks back up to the bar and orders a beer. The bartender squints at hi
i collect ties with chickens on them
i brag to friends about my hen tie collection at home.
....a friend pointed out that one of my hen ties actually has a cock and not a hen.
i quipped that in tie land, it can be hard to tell them apart.
What do you call a Fish convicted of Murder? GILL-ty
My wife keeps taking way too much time cleaning my ties
She needs a lesson in tie management
Where do hair ties come from?
My dad went a bit overboard; he bought ten different silk ties during his stay in China.
I think he should have stopped at Taiwan.
Grandfather’s ties
My grandfather was a farmer and he loved getting dressed up every year for the local fair and exhibiting his prize chickens.
For this occasion, my grandmother would spend the entire year searching through thrift shops looking for silly neckties for him to wear, and she loved finding ones with chickens on them.
When he died a couple of years ago, he bequeathed them to me in his will. When my grandmother handed me the bag full of them, my eyes welled with tears and I smiled thinking about my grandfather looking in the mirror and straightening his tie.
Why am I telling you all of this back story? Because the last time I tried to tell this to someone and I didn't give context, they thought it was weird that I was so excited about inheriting my dead grandfather's hen tie collection.
I was telling my Chinese friend that our buddy Ty is now the local boxing champion, but he doesn’t believe it.
The Chinese refuse to acknowledge Ty won.
I had to cut a bunch of zip ties using a dull pair of scissors
Sadly they weren't cutting it
Jews are an ethnic menorah-ty...
...which might explain why they get to take so many challah-days.
Shirts and ties
Just got back from shopping for new work clothes with my girlfriend. She picked out two button-down shirts for me to consider. The first was a blue-green color. I told her it wouldn't work because it doesn't match most of my ties.
The second shirt was solid gray. "You could wear a lot of your ties with this color," she said.
"True," I said. "But wearing more than one would look kind of silly."
I ask my newborn son all the time if he's got ties to Russia.
My friend Ty came first in the Beijing marathon, but he wasn’t given the gold medal.
The Chinese authorities refuse to recognize Ty Won.
I finally cut ties with someone who was dragging me down
Mountain climbing with a friend is hard.
I finally cut ties with someone who was dragging me down
Mountain climbing with a friend is hard
My friend Ty won the Beijing marathon, but wasn’t awarded a gold medal.
The Chinese refuse to acknowledge Ty won.
My friend Ty came in first in the Beijing marathon, but was not given the gold medal.
The Chinese refuse to recognize Ty won.
I finally cut ties with someone who was dragging me down.
I learned that mountain climbing solo is a lot easier.
My friend Ty came first in a swimming competition in Beijing, but he wasn’t given a gold medal.
The Chinese refuse to acknowledge Ty won.
I finally cut ties with someone who was dragging me down.
Mountain climbing with a friend is hard.
A rope a walks into a bar and the bartender points to a sign, says "Can't you read?! No Ropes allowed". The rope leaves the bar, ties himself into a bow and messes up his hair and walks back in. The bartender says, " ain't you that rope again"?! The rope replies, "Nope, I'm a frayed not"!
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