When I came to the cruise party with an eyepatch on and a cutlass only to see everyone in suits and ties,
I realized I was dressed inappropirately
My friend Ty came first in the Beijing marathon, but wasn’t awarded a gold medal.
The Chinese refuse to acknowledge Ty won.
Rope walks into the bar. Bartender says, Sorry we don’t serve ropes here. Rope walks out, messes himself up, ties himself in a knot, and walks back into the bar. Bartender asked if he’s a rope!
Rope replies I’m a frayed knot.
My Chinese friend refuses to believe that our friend Ty is now the state boxing champion.
The Chinese don’t want to recognize Ty won.
Did you hear about the race between two ties?
You heard about the British pig that ties shoe laces very well?
A rope walks into a bar & asks for a beer. The bartender says, “No, you’re only a rope.” So he decides to disguise himself. He ties himself into a knot & ruffles his edges a bit. The next day, he walks into the bar & asks for a beer. The bartender says, “Of course... Wait, aren’t you that rope?”
And the rope replies, “I’m a frayed knot.”
A string walks into a bar with a few friends and orders a beer. The bartender says, "I'm sorry, but we don't serve strings here." The string goes back to his table. He ties himself in a loop and messes up the top of his hair. He walks back up to the bar and orders a beer. The bartender squints at hi
I was telling my Chinese friend that our buddy Ty is now the local boxing champion, but he doesn’t believe it.
The Chinese refuse to acknowledge Ty won.
I ask my newborn son all the time if he's got ties to Russia.
What happened when the monster's football game was all tied up?
They went into ogre time.
A rope walks into a bar. The bartender looks up and says says, “Get out. We don’t serve rope in here.” So the rope goes out, cuts itself in two before tying the two sections together. It then pulls out a comb and combs its ends. The rope then walks back into the bar.
The bartender says, “Hey! Aren’t you the rope that I just threw out?”
The rope replied, “No. I’m a frayed knot.”
I didn't tie the knot till I was 38
I am hopeless with shoelaces.
A man wearing a tie fastner walks into the bar.
The barman says, "We don't like your tie pin here. "
A midget escaped from prison by using bed sheets tied together and scaled down the outside wall. He left a note detailing his escape plan, highlighting the prison guards stupidity and incompetence.
The Warden said "he's a little condescending"
What's the word for tying two cats together?
If I swallow two pieces of strings, they will come out the other end tied together
Found this glove zip tied to the stop sign across from my house.
Anyone remember the first Lennox Lewis - Evander Holyfield fight? I heard it was a black tie event.
A comedian would do a set, each show, where he sprinted to either side of the stage with his mouth tied up.
I have a great business idea but i need someone to help me. I go to the toilet and you tie up bits of string.
Have I told you about the time I tied my shoelaces with just the power of my mind?
A string walks into a bar and asks for a drink...
Bartender says, "we don't serve strings here."
The string goes outside, ties himself in a knot, frays his hair.
The string goes back inside. The bartender serves him a drink and says, "hey wait a minute, weren't you that string from earlier?"
And the string says, "I'm a frayed knot!"
Do You know how to tie the knot in space?
I'm floating away very quickly.
Why did the butter knife put on a bow tie?
Because he wanted to look sharp.
Missouri has the most bordering states (8, tied with tennessee) out of any of the 50 United States of America. You know what they say, Missouri loves company.
The metal hooks tied to my rope broke.
I'm having a hard time grappling with this.
If i were an executioner, i’d rather be the guy swinging an axe than the guy tying a rope.
What did the tie say to the hat?
"You go on ahead, and I'll hang around here."
A length of rope walks into a bar and orders two shots...
the bartender kicks him out on the daily making it known that they don’t serve ropes in his bar. One day he decides that he may have better luck with a disguise, so he ties himself up in a good tangle and frantically pulls all the fibers apart at both of his cut ends. He walks back into the bar and orders two shots. The bartender says to him, “ Hey...aren’t you that rope I kicked out of here yesterday?”. The rope looks at him confused and says, “ No, I’m a frayed knot”.
Son, can you tie this rope into loops while I go to the bathroom?
If you zip-tie a stick to a ladder the ladder becomes sticky
So the wife made me shred my favorite colored t-shirt, I named him Tie
I unfortunately had to tell the kids "Tie-Dyed"
A monastery decided to liven up their old clothes by tie-dying them, but the fabric became stiff and uncomfortable. When the Abbott asked a sister to explain, she gave a simple reply:
My father and I were setting up camp. As we were setting up, he said he had to take a dump and that while he does that, I need to finish tying up the tent. I asked “really?”. To which he replied:
A man who makes tie dye shirts was trying to borrow money to expand his small business. While filling out the paperwork, he had a heart attack and collapsed, spilling bottles of colored dye all over his documents.
The poor man dyed a loan.
You may think the best gifts are given on Mother's Day, but Father's Day is usually a tie.
I decided to tie up all the spaghetti together when I was drunk last night.
I ended up skipping dinner.
If I tie my golf partner on the back nine...
...what is the best kind of rope to use?
My friend Ty came first in the Beijing marathon, but he wasn’t given the gold medal.
The Chinese authorities refuse to recognize Ty Won.
My friend Ty won the Beijing marathon, but wasn’t awarded a gold medal.
The Chinese refuse to acknowledge Ty won.
My friend Ty came in first in the Beijing marathon, but was not given the gold medal.
The Chinese refuse to recognize Ty won.
A rope a walks into a bar and the bartender points to a sign, says "Can't you read?! No Ropes allowed". The rope leaves the bar, ties himself into a bow and messes up his hair and walks back in. The bartender says, " ain't you that rope again"?! The rope replies, "Nope, I'm a frayed not"!
I came home really drunk last night and decided to tie all the spaghetti together when I sat down to eat.
I ended up skipping dinner.
What did the tie say to the hat?
You go on ahead, I’ll hang around.
What did the hat say to the tie?
“You hang around here…I’ll go on a head.”
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