Somebody threw a bottle of omega 3 pills at my head.
It's OK though as my injuries are only super fish oil.
When my wife found me playing with my son’s train set, I was so embarrassed that I threw a bedsheet over it.
I think I managed to cover my tracks.
Someone just threw a jar of mayonnaise at me!
so someone threw a bottle of mayo at me, ...
What did the queen say when a fellow threw some cheese at her?
What did the dog say when he threw his old chew toy away?
What if you threw an orgy
I was at the store yesterday and some dude threw a jug of milk at my head
When I moved into my new igloo, my awesome friends threw me a surprise house-warming party...
Did you hear the one about a guy who threw a pork dumpling at his friend for no reason?
I asked my dog Regina why she wouldn’t go and get the ball I threw...
She said, “Quit trying to make ‘fetch’ happen.”
I gave my wife a check from my plasma donations. She threw it back at me
She told me to keep my blood money
I threw an engagement ring at my girlfriend, but she dodged out of the way.
One day, as I was walking home, someone threw a block of cheese at my head. I thought-
“That’s not very mature!”
OMG... some guy just threw yogurt, cottage cheese and brie at me!
I threw a ball for my dog yesterday.
Well, it was his birthday and he looks good in a dinner suit.
Someone threw a piece of a brick through my window last night
The police aren’t helping because there isn’t enough concrete evidence.
Did you hear about the giant who threw up?
My wife just threw away my favourite herb.
She's such a Thyme waster
My four year old son threw his ball that landed on my laptop keyboard while I was typing
And said “I guess the ball is working today!”. His first real joke. I’m so proud!
Judge threw the book at her
My grandpa grew up during the depression, as a result, he never threw anything away.
He died in the war, holding a hand grenade.
My brother went to jail. He didn't take it well. Started insulting and attacking everyone and threw his own feces on the walls.
I don't think we'll play Monopoly with him again.
I threw some pills and accidentally broke one of my windows.
I didn’t realize they were pane killers.
I just threw a pee-filled water balloon at my son
What did the ska band say when they threw their mic on the ground?
pickitup pickitup pickitup!
My wife just threw out our computer, shattering all the glass.
I guess she doesn’t like windows.
Last night I was arguing to my wife about who should keep our children in the divorce and I got angry and threw some trifle at her
She ended up getting custardy
I had forgotten where I threw my boomerang...
...but then it came back to me
My kid just threw a tantrum.
I'm not sure where it landed. It might be lost.
The delivery guy threw my pizza at me.
Apparently I ordered uber yeets
My son just threw a milk carton at me
Did you hear about the guy who threw garbage at someone?
He got fired for being trashy
Do you guys want to know what I put in the wooden box I made and threw in the ocean?
Never mind it’s a sea-crate....
(I made this up please don’t murder me)
Did you hear about the cannibal who threw a pile of funny bones into a boiling cauldron?
He made himself a laughing stock
I recently found a round, black piece of plastic, with a hole in the middle and grooves on both sides. I picked it up and threw it. It flew for more than 300 yards.
I'm sure that must have been a record.
i went to a restaurant and the waitress threw a piece of meat on the ceiling. she offered me $100 to go and get it off and i replied:
No, the steaks are too high!
Minding my own business, when someone I thought was my friend threw a serving plate full of bumblebees at me.
I was walking down the street after leaving the pharmacy and noticed a casket was chasing me. Well all I had was a bottle off cough syrup so I threw it at the casket...
...and then the coffin stopped.
Someone just threw a squid at my car...
Now my windshield is kraken.
Some guy threw milk at me today.
I threw a boomerang a few years ago.
I now live in constant fear.
Someone threw a bottle of omega 3 pills at me
Luckily my injuries were only super fish oil
Someone threw a jar of mayo at me!
When I moved into my new igloo my friends threw me a surprise house-warming party.
My friends threw a house warming party in my new igloo.
I was really embarrassed when my wife caught me playing with my son’s train set, so I threw a bedsheet over it.
I think I managed to cover my tracks.
A guy threw a block of cheese at me in the supermarket
I said to him “now that’s no very mature now is it?”
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