Get out if this one!!
π︎ 4k
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︎ Aug 22 2021
The wife told me this one through tears. βWhat did baby corn say to momma corn?β
π︎ 8k
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︎ Aug 19 2021
Only the real ones will get this.
π︎ 6k
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︎ Jul 14 2021
My 5 year old made this one up in the car
Daughter: "Daddy, this street is so windy and curvy"
Me: "Oh yeah? Is it exciting?"
Daughter: "Yeah, it's like a road-er coaster"
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︎ Aug 15 2021
My husband was so proud of this one yesterday...
If you start pooping at 11:59PM and don't finish until after midnight, that's the.... same shit, different day.
π︎ 6k
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︎ Jul 14 2021
My 5 y/o got me with this one... βDad, do you know what my favorite keys are?β
βAh... car keys???β
βNo, cookies!β
... Iβm so proud.
π︎ 530
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︎ Aug 13 2021
My 4 year old just came up with this one! What do sheep wear to bed?
π︎ 3k
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︎ Jun 25 2021
βWhat do you get when you put a penis on one eye and a vagina on the other eye?β (FYI My 5 year old daughter made this up)
π︎ 75
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︎ Jul 30 2021
My 8 year old gave me the look of death for this one: Whats a blind Seagull called?
π︎ 363
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︎ Jul 21 2021
Got an eye roll with this one
My daughter: Dad you're really going to town on those eggs with that fork.
Me:. You better stand back it's whisk-y business.
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︎ Aug 20 2021
I know we see a fair amount of reposts on this sub, but it's been a while since we've seen this one I think
π︎ 21
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︎ Aug 21 2021
My dad is not one for jokes, but he told me this yesterday.
βI got my vaccine and woke up the next morning with blurry vision. Then I put my glasses on.β
π︎ 149
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︎ Aug 21 2021
This one cracked me
π︎ 4k
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︎ May 13 2021
No one in my family got this one...
I left for the airport early despite the website saying there was very little line. I was worried that it may have given me a false sense of security.
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︎ Aug 15 2021
A police officer came to my door today. He told me he was looking for this man with one eye.
I told him it'd probably go a lot faster if he used both.
π︎ 306
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︎ Jul 09 2021
My Son just told me this one:
Son: I can spell Yacht!
Dad: Ok, spell Yacht
Son: Y-A-H-T
Dad: You forgot the C
Son: No, itβs under the Yacht
π︎ 2k
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︎ May 22 2021
Tricky dive this one...The reverse flip, 2.5 somersault with a pike....
π︎ 10
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︎ Aug 07 2021
My 7 year old came up with this one yesterday and I thought you guys would enjoy
Why should you never tell a window a joke?
They might crack up!
Iβm so proud of her.
π︎ 29
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︎ Aug 02 2021
This one really took my brain too long, might go to sleep
π︎ 102
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︎ Jun 11 2021
I actually managed to pull this one off in our law office βholiday planning committeeβ meeting today: do we have the budget to buy gifts for staff?
Because Iβm not going to any party without my lawyer present.
π︎ 29
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︎ Aug 04 2021
There's so many bad puns on this sub' it's making me just feel numb, and don't talk about the math ones..
..they make me feel even number.
π︎ 3k
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︎ Apr 14 2021
I'm not a very good person but I'm proud of this one.
Friend: Man my eye hurts so much.
Me: Aww what happened?
Friend: My little sister and I were playing around on the stairs. I slipped and my eye hit the back of her (points down to her ankle) leg.
Me: Awww that's sucks. I really hope your eye heels.
Friend: (Surprised Pikachu Face)
π︎ 7
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︎ Aug 25 2021
my grandfather said this today on the dinner table and i was the only one that found it hilarious for no reason at all
G : what type of apples grow on trees ?
my dumbass : idk red and green ?
G : all of them do
wheezes
π︎ 3k
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︎ Apr 30 2021
Wife says I wonβt get 5 upvotes for this, but... Did you hear the one about the dog and the tree?
They had a long conversation about bark.
Edit: Y'all are nuts! We're somewhere north of 10k upvotes now, so I'll direct any remaining attention to Boot Camp for New Dads.
π︎ 25k
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︎ Feb 18 2021
This one is good to play on children
Why did the chicken cross the road?
To get to the idiot's house
Knock knock
Who's there?
The chicken
π︎ 10
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︎ Aug 19 2021
My teen daughter walked right into this one
Me: There is a band playing today. Do you want to go?
Her: I donβt know. What is the band called?
Me: Mullet.
Her: Um, what kind of style is that?
Me: Kind of short in front, long in back.
π︎ 34
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︎ Jul 01 2021
My 6 year old told me this one today. Why do dogs carry bones in their mouths?
Because they don't have pockets.
π︎ 10k
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︎ Mar 14 2021
I hope this one doesnβt fly over your headβ¦
π︎ 39
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︎ Jul 08 2021
If you can't stand this one, don't forget to yell "Timber" before falling over
π︎ 71
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︎ Jun 29 2021
My dad sent me this one today:
Don't buy flowers from a monkβ¦
.
.
.
β¦only you can prevent florist friars.
π︎ 13
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︎ Jul 25 2021
7yo daughter told me this one; How do lazy people stay in shape?
π︎ 412
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︎ May 26 2021
My daughter dropped this one and made me do proud.
Someone asked her "Are you a philosopher?" And she responded, "No, but I brush my teeth every day."
π︎ 7
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︎ Jul 11 2021
My dad told this one at dinner ( not sure if its his or not)
Dad: You know what they should call the next Fast and Furious film?
Me: What?
Dad: FasTEN your seatbelts!
π︎ 12
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︎ Aug 03 2021
My dad lives long distance, so we text often. He got me with a good one this morning;
I recently had bone surgery in my left pinky, so I've been keeping him updated on the recovery. I sent him a photo of my swollen bruised purple pinky and he says, "Okay so none of that looks right. Is it your left hand?"
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︎ Jul 08 2021
This oneβs a little tender
π︎ 37
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︎ May 28 2021
My son told me this one today: Why did the man have no nose or body?
π︎ 19
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︎ Jul 12 2021
My daughter told me this one. Why can't pirates finish the alphabet?
Because they get lost at sea
π︎ 6
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︎ Jul 13 2021
Wicked proud of this one. I was at the store with my sister today and she showed me a lip gloss and asked if it compliments her.
I took it from her and put it up to my ear for a couple seconds, and told her "It says you look very pretty"
π︎ 30
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︎ Jul 23 2021
My son told me this one at dinner
Son: Why are the bigger rocks braver than the rest?
Me: I don't know, why?
Son: Because they're boulder
I am so proud of him for this.
π︎ 98
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︎ Jun 14 2021
My wife was real proud of this one
What do you call the richest people in the Americas?
>!Brazillionaires!<
π︎ 8
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︎ Aug 01 2021
This oneβs on a whole new level
π︎ 79
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︎ May 12 2021
This is one Pryce that never fluctuates in value
π︎ 2
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︎ Jul 05 2021
π︎ 30
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︎ Jun 15 2021
I'm shit at puns but I found this one i came up with funny af
What do you call a loaf of bread that is shaped like a jelly fish?
A Invertabread.
π︎ 6
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︎ Jun 27 2021
I was working my job at the coffee shop when one of the customers shouted: βThis coffee tastes like mud!β
βWell of course, sir,β I replied, βItβs fresh ground after all.β
π︎ 40
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︎ Jun 13 2021
9yo shared this one with me: What do you call a cow who just had a baby?
De-calf-inated!
Edit: it's been pointed out some people pronounce calf as cΔlf, so its taking a second. Pronounce it like decaffeinated coffee.
π︎ 2k
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︎ Feb 24 2021
Heard this one a while ago
How does a German surgeon say good morning?
Guten organ
π︎ 6
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︎ Jul 15 2021
(My Grandma called me just to tell me this one): Why did the farmer bury a lightbulb?
He wanted to grow a power plant
π︎ 252
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︎ Apr 23 2021
This one happened this morning and I am still grinning.
My daughter was doing a written assignment...
Daughter: Can someone tell me how to spell completely?
Me: You have to spend the time learning all the rules.
Daughter: loud groan follow by "Dad that is not what I meant. I want to know how to spell completely."
Me: Exactly you have to learn all the spelling rules.
Daughter: you're soooo annoying.
I am still grinning and it has been over an hour lol
π︎ 13
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︎ Jun 25 2021
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