Boss: Tell me about suzanne Me: *takes a drag of cigarette* ah, the one that got away
Boss: You're a zoo keeper, none of them should get away
I was involved in a one night stand that went horribly wrong...
We've been married 3 years now !!
What do you call a book club that's been stuck on one book for years?
I have created living numbers! In fact, one of them is psychic and told me that certain things will continue to happen for a long time.
At least for the four-seeable future.
Everyone tells me that I'm the king of dad jokes. Here's one...
What's the most common word that only contains one letter?
Today marks the 77th anniversary that my grandfather was responsible for bringing down 4 German bombers in one day during the war
He was the worst mechanic the luftwaffe ever had
Recently, I've been driving my wife crazy with how many friends named Fred I've been making, and they all look the same, no less. That said, one day a man rang our bell, and my wife, relieved that he did not look like my other friends, asked who he was, to which a replied:
"Don't worry, Honey, he's just another Fred of mine."
When visiting France, one has to go to the structure that allows sufficient observation to discover more than enough to be satisfied.
Oui, a visit to the Eyeful Tower is always recommended when vacationing in France.
Did you hear the one about the Irish mobster that was killed for stealing Little trinkets?
It seemed to be the first case of a NikNak Paddywhack
I went to the zoo the other day. One of the new exhibits was a piece of toast in a cage. I asked the zookeeper "what's that all about?" He said...
There is a religious veterinarian who has a strict rule that only one vet can work on large animals at a time
Because it is a sin to co-vet an oxen or donkey.
If there's one thing I own that's remarkable
I did knot see that one coming!
A woman entered an online pun contest. She submitted ten different puns in the hope that at least one would win.
Unfortunately, no pun in ten did.
What do the chefs call that one counter where all the veggies are kept?
We all have that one vegan friend.... I said to mine,"Do you have to mention vegetables every time you open your mouth?"
She said, "Not neccecelery."
I went to see my psychiatrist and told him that "no one understands me."
He said, "What do you mean by that?"
A Russian named Rudolph looked out of his window one day and told his wife not to go out without an umbrella. His wife asked ”What makes you say that”?
He replied ”Rudolph the red knows rain dear”.
What do you call a person with one eye that's sad all the time?
My 16 year old son was in the kitchen baking up a storm when my wife came downstairs. "What are you doing?" she asked him. "I'm going to have a bake sale to buy a car," he answered. "Where on earth did you get that idea? We're in a pandemic! No one is going to buy baked goods!" He said...
"I heard on Reddit that you need cake to get the car, ma."
Well I walked right into that one didn't I
If there is one genre of music that raises me up on some days and gets me down other days
Did you hear the one about the guy that hit his elbow?
I think it’s quite humerus
I keep forgetting the guitar tabs to that one Sublime song...
I guess you could say I dont practice Santeria.
One of my friends told me he was opening a clothing store that sold everything except for hats.
I thought he was pulling my leg, but when I asked him, he told me "Yeah man it's true, no cap."
When flying in V formation one side's often longer than the other. Do you know why that is?
That side has more birds on it
A man walks into a pet store and asks for a dozen bees. The clerk carefully counts 13 bees out onto the counter. “That’s one too many!” says the customer.
The clerk replies “It’s a freebie”
Snoopy AKA Snoop dogg AKA the Red Baron has been spotted flying his Dogg house today. It is understood that he defeated his enemies in one fell snoop.
All these years it was thought that Yoda only had one name. His family name is....
My buddy said 'There's only one thing about Halloween that scares me.'
I asked, 'Which is?'
'Exactly', he replied.
My one friend told me that even though I decorate the church for the holidays...
I probably shouldn't go around calling myself a proud cross dresser.
There's only one thing that scares me about Halloween
I am convinced that my friend helped someone steal one of my gloves.
He definitely had a hand in it.
That one will cost you
https://preview.redd.it/6f55higqzm061.jpg?width=788&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=a4d6801bbad07681e2a3170834a834e02b1e4d07
My grandfather always said that when one door closes, another one opens.
He was a terrible cabinetmaker.
I had one of the first computers that could talk.....
But this one day, the computer wouldn't stop talking, so I went out and got a Zip drive.
I said to the baker, "How come all your cakes are 50p & that one's £1?"
He said, "That's Madeira cake"
I did nazi that one coming
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