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I told her that's none of her business and I just want some KFC
a moray.
(I sang this to my kids when they were young.)
(They're in their 20s now, which I consider young.)
I thought I had found it, but it was a fossil arm. Then upon searching the site further, I found a petrified sausage. It was the missing link.
Actually, sorry. I can't repeat it. It was far too dark.
I guess I'll just wing it
She apologized when he told her she got him hard enough to leave a bruise and she, jokingly, asked if he would leave her over it.
He replied, "No. Because you kneed me..." and winked.
-_-
bologna
They hate apart thighs.
I can’t say the same for his felony.
DisKnee, disLeg, disToe, disThigh and disAnkle
Does it have a bird's thigh view?
He gets in early at 11.55am, and tells the doctor his leg is sore.
He then explains that he’s also experiencing some other weird things with the leg.
The man explains to the doctor that every hour on the hour, his thigh asks for money.
The Doctor is a bit perplexed, but waits until 12.00 and uses his stethoscope to listen to the thigh.
Sure enough, at 12.00 the Doctor hears the thigh say “Have you got 10 bucks. Can I borrow 10 bucks, I really need the money”.
The Doctor doesn’t understand what’s going on. Then the man says, at every quarter hour, my knee also asks for money. At 12.15, the Doctor listens to the mans knee through his stethoscope where he hears the knee say “Have you got 20 bucks. Can I borrow 20 bucks, I really need the money”.
The Doctor is even more befuddled.
Then the man says, at every half hour, my ankle asks for money. At 12.30, the Doctor listens to the mans ankle through his stethoscope where he hears the ankle say ‘Have you got 50 bucks. Can I borrow 50 bucks, I really need the money”.
The doctor tells the man he doesn’t know what’s going on. It’s something he’s never encountered before.
The Doctor asks the man to come back in a week where the Doctor will do some research in the interim.
A week later the man comes back and asks the Doctor if he has any news.
The Doctor says yes – he’d done some research into the problem and found that the mans leg was broke in 3 places
Thigh...
So I said, that's because you have thunder thighs.
Yeah he's Wheely good at flying.
Thigh slaps
Thigh Food
What a waist
all his relationships were platonic.
I had so much fun I pulled a muscle
API - Clearwater Florida - Lorena Bobbitt's sister Luella was arrested yesterday for an alleged attempt to perform the same act on her husband as her famous sister had done several years ago. Sources reveal the sister was not as accurate as Lorena. She allegedly missed the target and stabbed her husband in the upper thigh causing severe muscle and tendon damage. The husband is reported to be in serious, but stable condition. Luella has been charged with one count of a misdewiener.
While visiting my school program for a multi-night trip, teachers asked how we would keep students dry in the rain. I talked about our classrooms and other indoor areas, and said they can easily make time to change clothes midday.
"I like to have my students change socks at lunch, hang them to dry, and then use them again the next morning. The socks still get worn 24 hours, but they have morning and afternoon socks."
One teacher got excited and agreed, pointed at her thigh, and said "These are my day jeans!"
I slowly looked around the room, making eye contact with all the teachers. "Does that make you a-" pause for effect "-day jean believer?"
To get to other other thighs.
Jessie is a friend,
Yeah, I know he's been a good friend of mine
But lately something's changed
It ain't hard to define
Jessie's got himself a grill and I want to make it mine
And he's grilling chicken thighs,
And he's smokin' racks of ribs, I just know it!
And he's holding pool parties late, late at night...
You know I wish that I had Jessie's grill...
I wish that I had Jessie's grill...
Where can I find a burger like that?...two small breasts, two large thighs, and a left wing.
And as I was driving, I accidentally dropped a cracker into my lap. Without even thinking I said, "Darn it, I knew these were going to go straight to my thighs!"
and I've done a bit of research so I was describing how to begin:
I said, "sit in a comfortable position, pay attention to breathing. Relax your calves, then your thighs, then your feet..."
She said, "hold on, shouldn't we start with feet first then move up to calves, then thighs and so on? Why are you starting with calves?"
I said, "we start with the calves because they're sacred in India."
Source - Pic Abridged version:
A man who dubbed himself Britain's biggest idiot after losing his wife after tattooing a comedy penis on his own leg is hoping to win back her heart by having it lasered off.
Hapless Stuart, 34, of Southsea, Hants, inked the six-and-a-half inch member on his left thigh, so the end pokes out of his boxer shorts.
"After I did it, my wife woke up in the morning screaming, because there was this massive penis poking out of the duvet. And the tattoo on my leg.
"It caused no end of rows, and she's now kicked me out of home. I deserve it, I suppose."
Whenever I say a complicated sounding word my Dad, about 90% percent of the time, replies with "Bless you!". Usually followed with laughter to himself and a slap on the thigh.
Anyone else?
We got fried chicken take-out tonight, when:
Wife: Are thighs white or dark meat?
Me: Dark.
Wife: Then what's the other white meat?
Me: Pork.
My mum and dad had separated by this point and he was picking me up from the town centre where I was with a girl I was seeing, named Jenni. After introducing herself my father paused for a second, let out a slight smirk and replied "What, from the block?" slapped his thigh and let out a hearty dad-chuckle.
My wife was showing me that she got bit by something, on her thigh and on her shoulder. I told her I got bit too, while pulling up my shirt.
"By the love bug."
She just turned away from me.
I walked up behind her, and whispered in her ear:
"Those are ant bites on you. You know why they bit you? Because you're so sweet."
I think she hurt her neck with how hard she rolled her eyes, and I've already got my pillow and blankets on the couch.
Dad: Did I tell you about the holiday party I went to last week?
Me: No...
Dad: I met a woman with a Merry Christmas tattoo on one thigh, and a Happy New Year tattoo on the other. She said that everyone was welcome to come up between the holidays.
I only got to see my grandpa on my mom's side about once a year usually growing up, but there was always one common factor of each visit.
At some point during the catching up conversations, Pa (what we called him) would get a real dejected look on his face. Then he'd face my mom:
"Oh Vicky... guess who died?"-Pa
"Oh no... Who?"-Mom
"Elvis." -Pa
He'd then giggle, finger fun, and slap his thigh. Every. Single. Year.
I have a feeling he used that one for the better part of 40 years.
He will always chime in "When I was in college, the big fraternity on campus was 'I felt a thigh.'"
So we went to the Wild's preseason game against the Blues last night and there was a blues player who fell down after blocking a shot with his inner thigh. It reminded me of this goal (http://www.reddit.com/tb/2i8prv) I saw on r/hockey yesterday that JvR scored off his weiner, and told my dad about it.
His response: That's nuts! Good thing it wasn't in their own goal, that would've been a dick move.
Me: So today in Acting class I managed to bruise my knee and cut my thigh.
Dad: Acting is dangerous. Perhaps you should do something less dangerous like football.
