Coming soon to a theater near you
A pig and a horse walk into a movie theater.
The horse didn’t feel like buying popcorn so he brought some hay. A theater employee saw him and said. “Are you sneaking outside food into the theater?”
The horse said “nay.”
The pig squealed.
Has anyone seen the new movie that’s playing in all the theaters?
Coming soon to a theater near you
I asked the movie theater attendant for one admission.
He said he liked wearing his wife’s shoes when she wasn’t home.
Why do poltergeists love haunting old theaters?
Because they can't wait to boo the performers.
I wanted to go see a theater piece comprised of puns...
...especially when I realized it was a play on words.
I can't wait until the pandemic is over, and I can see the pun-based show my local theater troupe has been rehearsing.
The business man opened a shadow puppet theater that should make a fortune!
But that’s just projected figures.
Equine Theater (or, Two Puns in One)
A classically trainer theater performer just became a spy.
I guess you could say they perform... thespionage
I had a job directing an elementary school theater production.
It wasn’t hard work, after all, it was child’s play.
Sad news today. The owner of Regal theaters died today.
His viewing is at 11:00, 1:30, 3:00, 5:00, 7:00, and 9:00
You know why theater people say "break a leg" instead of good luck?
Because if you do, you'll end up in a cast!
Thief goes into theater, steals spotlight
Coming to theaters: the thrilling tale of a man who ate biographical books instead of turkey on Thanksgiving.
Abe Lincoln was shot in the Ford theater
Wouldn't have happened in a Chevy
Starring Chaff Miller, coming soon to a theater near you
Why the skeleton doesn't go to the theater?
Because he has nobody to go with.
And why he doesn't tell his wife about it?
Because he has no guts.
Saw a theater production called Talk About Puns...
...I guess you could say it was a play on words
I always try to show my appreciation for the people at the movie theater who sell me my popcorn, soda, candy, etc.
After all, these people make a lot of concessions at work.
TIP FOR TODAY: Don't try to sneak popcorn in the movie theater.
They'll never let you use their microwave.
A friend of mine who worked at a movie theater died yesterday...
The funeral service will be held tomorrow at 4:15, 5:20, 6:40 and 7:30.
Shakespeare was hired by a theater to tend patrons' horses...
How did Shakespeare learn all about his new employer?
During its onbarding process.
I'm doing a one man show about puns at my local theater.....
......it's a play on words.
I recently bumped into someone at the movie theater...
He told me, “watch the fuck out man!”
I walked up to the ticket counter and asked him when “the fuck out man was playing”, but there sadly weren’t any showings in the area.
Cinemark won't allow big bags into the theaters now
Good thing I have a couple of Twix up my sleeve
The theater where we saw Hamilton was very cold.
Good thing I brought a sweater, or I would have been talking about Aaron Burrrrrrr the whole time.
Theater sign: it’s all fun and games until someone ends up in a cast.
What happens when wolverine joins theater
What does a Muslim Viking say at the movie theater?
MRW I see My Neighbor Totoro is coming to select theaters
Should I go see Fifty Shades of Grey in a regular theater? Or...
... should I pay a little extra and see it in clIMAX?
I gave someone directions to a theater today
I guess I am a movie director now
I LOVE puns way too much. I love them so much I'm going to write a theater show about them - it's a play on words
As we were leaving for the theater today my husband says,
"Alright, this is the Last Jedi movie I'm seeing"
...We don't even have kids
I saw a movie at the theater the other day.
Every single time we go to the movies and the theater is practically empty
"Aw man all the good seats are taken!"
What do you call a theater production based on a dictionary?
So, a local theater is doing a performance about puns this weekend. Anyone want to go?
Never mind. I just read the reviews. It looks like it's just a bad play on words.
My wife asked me how I managed to sneak candy into the movie theater
I told her I had a few twix up my sleeve.
I wanted to go see a theater piece comprised of puns...
...especially when I realized it was a play on words.
I was excited to see a theater piece about puns...
...but it was just a play on words.
A Thief walks into a theater and steals the spotlight
There needs to be a theater production about puns!
You know...like a play on words
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