Coming soon to a theater near you
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πŸ‘€︎ u/KevlarYarmulke
πŸ“…︎ Oct 26 2020
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A pig and a horse walk into a movie theater.

The horse didn’t feel like buying popcorn so he brought some hay. A theater employee saw him and said. β€œAre you sneaking outside food into the theater?”

The horse said β€œnay.”

The pig squealed.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/JiminyKirket
πŸ“…︎ Jan 14 2021
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Has anyone seen the new movie that’s playing in all the theaters?

It’s called β€œCLOSED”.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Esus9
πŸ“…︎ Dec 31 2020
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Coming soon to a theater near you
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Ford456fgfd
πŸ“…︎ Oct 26 2020
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I asked the movie theater attendant for one admission.

He said he liked wearing his wife’s shoes when she wasn’t home.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/banditk77
πŸ“…︎ Sep 14 2020
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Why do poltergeists love haunting old theaters?

Because they can't wait to boo the performers.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/WhenIWannabeME
πŸ“…︎ Oct 27 2020
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I wanted to go see a theater piece comprised of puns...

...especially when I realized it was a play on words.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/MacItaly
πŸ“…︎ Jul 22 2020
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I can't wait until the pandemic is over, and I can see the pun-based show my local theater troupe has been rehearsing.

It's a play on words.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Xero19
πŸ“…︎ Sep 02 2020
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The business man opened a shadow puppet theater that should make a fortune!

But that’s just projected figures.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/banditk77
πŸ“…︎ Sep 14 2020
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Theaters
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Wildvine5000
πŸ“…︎ Jun 17 2020
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Equine Theater (or, Two Puns in One)
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πŸ‘€︎ u/MrShaunce
πŸ“…︎ Apr 17 2020
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A classically trainer theater performer just became a spy.

I guess you could say they perform... thespionage

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πŸ‘€︎ u/StrangeQuark32
πŸ“…︎ May 24 2020
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I had a job directing an elementary school theater production.

It wasn’t hard work, after all, it was child’s play.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/youtellmebob
πŸ“…︎ Jan 20 2020
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Sad news today. The owner of Regal theaters died today.

His viewing is at 11:00, 1:30, 3:00, 5:00, 7:00, and 9:00

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πŸ‘€︎ u/KingJiggaMan
πŸ“…︎ Dec 06 2019
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You know why theater people say "break a leg" instead of good luck?

Because if you do, you'll end up in a cast!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Trowj
πŸ“…︎ Nov 18 2019
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Thief goes into theater, steals spotlight
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Idkyou4
πŸ“…︎ Apr 26 2019
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Coming to theaters: the thrilling tale of a man who ate biographical books instead of turkey on Thanksgiving.

Baste on a true story.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/KairuSmairukon
πŸ“…︎ Oct 10 2019
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Abe Lincoln was shot in the Ford theater

Wouldn't have happened in a Chevy

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Captain_Karfuzzel
πŸ“…︎ Oct 15 2019
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Starring Chaff Miller, coming soon to a theater near you
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πŸ‘€︎ u/mattwinkler007
πŸ“…︎ Feb 04 2019
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Why the skeleton doesn't go to the theater?

Because he has nobody to go with.

And why he doesn't tell his wife about it?

Because he has no guts.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/alidrissiomari
πŸ“…︎ Sep 22 2019
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Saw a theater production called Talk About Puns...

...I guess you could say it was a play on words

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πŸ‘€︎ u/olbox_ofsox
πŸ“…︎ Jul 03 2019
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I always try to show my appreciation for the people at the movie theater who sell me my popcorn, soda, candy, etc.

After all, these people make a lot of concessions at work.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/gideonindc
πŸ“…︎ Jul 31 2019
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TIP FOR TODAY: Don't try to sneak popcorn in the movie theater.

They'll never let you use their microwave.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/UriahPeabody
πŸ“…︎ May 11 2019
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A friend of mine who worked at a movie theater died yesterday...

The funeral service will be held tomorrow at 4:15, 5:20, 6:40 and 7:30.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/YDAQ
πŸ“…︎ Mar 13 2019
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Shakespeare was hired by a theater to tend patrons' horses...

How did Shakespeare learn all about his new employer?

During its onbarding process.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/mookmerkin
πŸ“…︎ May 02 2019
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I'm doing a one man show about puns at my local theater.....

......it's a play on words.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/2donutkid2
πŸ“…︎ Oct 19 2018
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I recently bumped into someone at the movie theater...

He told me, β€œwatch the fuck out man!”

I walked up to the ticket counter and asked him when β€œthe fuck out man was playing”, but there sadly weren’t any showings in the area.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/MeetyK
πŸ“…︎ Nov 15 2018
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Cinemark won't allow big bags into the theaters now

Good thing I have a couple of Twix up my sleeve

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πŸ‘€︎ u/andrxdr
πŸ“…︎ Nov 12 2018
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The theater where we saw Hamilton was very cold.

Good thing I brought a sweater, or I would have been talking about Aaron Burrrrrrr the whole time.

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πŸ“…︎ Jun 30 2018
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Theater sign: it’s all fun and games until someone ends up in a cast.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/michUP33
πŸ“…︎ Jan 25 2018
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What happens when wolverine joins theater

He gets a huge actman

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πŸ‘€︎ u/The-better-driver
πŸ“…︎ Jan 03 2019
🚨︎ report
What does a Muslim Viking say at the movie theater?

Valhalla Snackbar!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/MayonnaiseUnicorn
πŸ“…︎ Dec 14 2018
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MRW I see My Neighbor Totoro is coming to select theaters

"Hey, let's go!"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/adelie42
πŸ“…︎ Sep 17 2018
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Should I go see Fifty Shades of Grey in a regular theater? Or...

... should I pay a little extra and see it in clIMAX?

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πŸ‘€︎ u/patriotminerva
πŸ“…︎ Feb 13 2015
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I gave someone directions to a theater today

I guess I am a movie director now

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πŸ‘€︎ u/excalibron
πŸ“…︎ Mar 07 2018
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I LOVE puns way too much. I love them so much I'm going to write a theater show about them - it's a play on words
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πŸ‘€︎ u/allanminium
πŸ“…︎ Nov 29 2012
🚨︎ report
As we were leaving for the theater today my husband says,

"Alright, this is the Last Jedi movie I'm seeing"

...We don't even have kids

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πŸ“…︎ Dec 20 2017
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I saw a movie at the theater the other day.

IT was pretty good.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/KevinsnotFunny
πŸ“…︎ Sep 20 2017
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Every single time we go to the movies and the theater is practically empty

"Aw man all the good seats are taken!"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/amroki96
πŸ“…︎ Jul 24 2013
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What do you call a theater production based on a dictionary?

A play on words

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πŸ‘€︎ u/FoxyGramps
πŸ“…︎ Mar 05 2017
🚨︎ report
So, a local theater is doing a performance about puns this weekend. Anyone want to go?

Never mind. I just read the reviews. It looks like it's just a bad play on words.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/corbantd
πŸ“…︎ Oct 08 2015
🚨︎ report
My wife asked me how I managed to sneak candy into the movie theater

I told her I had a few twix up my sleeve.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/thematt924
πŸ“…︎ Oct 19 2016
🚨︎ report
I wanted to go see a theater piece comprised of puns...

...especially when I realized it was a play on words.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/MacItaly
πŸ“…︎ Jul 22 2020
🚨︎ report
I was excited to see a theater piece about puns...

...but it was just a play on words.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/MacItaly
πŸ“…︎ Aug 01 2019
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A Thief walks into a theater and steals the spotlight
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πŸ“…︎ Jul 13 2018
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There needs to be a theater production about puns!

You know...like a play on words

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πŸ‘€︎ u/charliefoxtrot15
πŸ“…︎ Jul 24 2013
🚨︎ report

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