Has anyone seen the new movie that’s playing in all the theaters?

It’s called β€œCLOSED”.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Esus9
πŸ“…︎ Dec 31 2020
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A pig and a horse walk into a movie theater.

The horse didn’t feel like buying popcorn so he brought some hay. A theater employee saw him and said. β€œAre you sneaking outside food into the theater?”

The horse said β€œnay.”

The pig squealed.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/JiminyKirket
πŸ“…︎ Jan 14 2021
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I asked the movie theater attendant for one admission.

He said he liked wearing his wife’s shoes when she wasn’t home.

πŸ‘︎ 151
πŸ‘€︎ u/banditk77
πŸ“…︎ Sep 14 2020
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I always try to show my appreciation for the people at the movie theater who sell me my popcorn, soda, candy, etc.

After all, these people make a lot of concessions at work.

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ‘€︎ u/gideonindc
πŸ“…︎ Jul 31 2019
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A friend of mine who worked at a movie theater died yesterday...

The funeral service will be held tomorrow at 4:15, 5:20, 6:40 and 7:30.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/YDAQ
πŸ“…︎ Mar 13 2019
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TIP FOR TODAY: Don't try to sneak popcorn in the movie theater.

They'll never let you use their microwave.

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ‘€︎ u/UriahPeabody
πŸ“…︎ May 11 2019
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I recently bumped into someone at the movie theater...

He told me, β€œwatch the fuck out man!”

I walked up to the ticket counter and asked him when β€œthe fuck out man was playing”, but there sadly weren’t any showings in the area.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/MeetyK
πŸ“…︎ Nov 15 2018
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I saw a movie at the theater the other day.

IT was pretty good.

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ‘€︎ u/KevinsnotFunny
πŸ“…︎ Sep 20 2017
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My wife asked me how I managed to sneak candy into the movie theater

I told her I had a few twix up my sleeve.

πŸ‘︎ 15
πŸ‘€︎ u/thematt924
πŸ“…︎ Oct 19 2016
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Why do tornados never strike movie theaters?

They hate the trailers

πŸ‘︎ 12
πŸ‘€︎ u/TheRadViper
πŸ“…︎ Jul 04 2017
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Tonight I was at the movie theater snack bar with my fiancΓ©...

Me: I'll have a cheeseburger, hotdog, 2 tater tots, 1 popcorn and a large soda.

Cashier: Will that be all?

Me: (turn to fiancΓ©) I dont know, do you want anything?

Her eyes have never rolled so fast.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/RedneckHippie111
πŸ“…︎ Dec 03 2016
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Dad sits in an empty seat at the movie theater

and the lady in the seat next to him says, "Excuse me, there's someone sitting there". Dad gets up, turns around, looks at the seat more closely and says, "Oh gosh, I hope I didn't hurt him".

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πŸ‘€︎ u/LunarLadle
πŸ“…︎ Jun 24 2015
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Dad joked my husband at the movie theater

Me: Did you put butter on the popcorn?

Him: Yeah, I must have been pouring butter for a solid minute.

Me: Thank god it wasn't a gaseous minute!

Him: That would have been very unpleasant for the people around me.

We make a good team :)

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πŸ‘€︎ u/persephone11185
πŸ“…︎ May 24 2015
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Wife got me in the movie theater...

We were watching the newest Hunger Games movie a couple of weekends ago. Throughout the film she was (very quietly) whispering interesting things that were in the books but not the film.

Mild Spoilers

There is a certain part where a character goes back for a cat.

End Mild Spoilers

She leans over and I think she was going to tell me another interesting things about the scene. She whispered a little louder than the other times, "You've gotta be kitten me right meow!"

You could hear the slight chuckle from the people in front of us and I had to stifle my laughter. I probably shouldn't find it that funny, but I love good timing and a corny joke.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/blackdragon8577
πŸ“…︎ Dec 10 2014
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We went to a Carmike movie theater together.

Me "What's a Carmike?"

Dad "It's what we drove here in, and my name isn't Mike."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/BSackett23
πŸ“…︎ May 20 2016
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Went to a movie with my wife in a new big theater

Wife: It has 5 stories or something!

Me: That's funny, usually the movies I see only have 1 story.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/partyeh
πŸ“…︎ Aug 06 2015
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At the movie theater.

My brother and I were watching this movie called Nonstop. For those who don't know, it's about Liam Neeson and he has to stop killings on a plane every twenty minutes.

So there's a scene where the plane depressurizes and I leaned toward my brother and whispered, "You know, if I was in that situation, I'd be under a lot of pressure too".

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ‘€︎ u/Asdfbleh
πŸ“…︎ Apr 23 2014
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I was working the ticket drop at the movie theater last night...

Dad spends 35 dollars on tickets for him and his family to see Divergent.

As the group approaches the ticket drop, I hear the dad ask the mom what half of 35 is. She says "17 and half" and the dad gets this big shit eating grin. I rip their ticket stubs and the dad puts on a serious face and says "All right, I'd like $17.50 back please."

The whole family proceeds to groan and tell him to stop as I reluctantly play along and pretend to find some cash.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/gurame21
πŸ“…︎ Mar 26 2014
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