I tried to visit the house where the guy who invented toothpaste was born.
Sadly, there was no plaque on it.
I just went to go visit my late grandmother buried in the cemetery, but when I went there I found her dancing!
It was quite the Plot Twist
Just what is it about all the Psychics that I visit, they're either totally depressed or too excitable..
..it's really hard to find the happy Medium.
After the borders reopen I am going to visit Greenwich, England!!!
There is a lot that I want to accomplish in The Mean Time!!
My wife can't function unless she visits the chiropractor...
I'm afraid she is addicted to crack.
Why did the paladin have to visit the tire shop after killing an innocent bystander?
Because he was out of alignment.
I had to reschedule a work meeting today to bring my son to the orthodontist. My coworker said she was thinking the same thing because she has to visit the dentist.
I told her that was quite coinciDENTAL.
Dora and Diego visit the North West in winter
Dora and Diego travel to the Pacific Northwest in the middle of winter. Suddenly they realise that there is a problem with their car, so they quickly pull into a nearby garage. The mechanic comes out and asks them "so what's wrong with your car?" Dora replies:
"Wiper no Wiping!!"
What's the place people want to visit the most?
The graveyard people are just dying to go there
Why did Odysseus visit the marijuana dispensary?
He was sailing for Indica
I had a really disappointing visit to the zoo. They only had one animal, and that was only a dog.
Every time I visit my Dad in St. Louis, he walks into the room looking depressed until whatever girl I've brought home for the holidays asks what's wrong...
His reply: "Oh, I live in a state of Missouri."
When is the best time to visit the dentist?
Loosing weight using the internet is so damn difficult. Like every weightloss website I visit,
I’ll never forget my first visit to the rodeo.
What's a cat's favorite place to visit while in the middle East?
Once I decided to visit my old friend who is a world chess champion just to see how he's doing. This is how I became the next champion.
All I did is "check mate".
My wife's sister and her family came to visit but I was hiding in the den. She came in and told me not to be antisocial.
I reminded her that I'm a guy.
That would make me uncle social.
Danger, Fear, and Panic came knocking at my door. It'd been ten years since the last visit, and all holding clipboards, were ready to begin the inquisition. Nervously, I opened the door and prepared myself to answer their calling.
My dog was terrified to see the vet again after his first visit
A man visits the doctor because he swallowed his watch
He's in the bathroom a really long time. The nurse knocks on the door and asks him if he's okay. He responds "yes, I'm just passing the time."
There are two types of gay tourists, the ones who visit Netherland, and the ones who visit Iran. Despite such a difference between these places, they go to these countries for the same reason
Why did the chef always visit the bathroom before making his signature dish?
Because the recipe said "First, take a leek..."
I was just reminiscing with my family about our last visit to the Clock Museum.
I tried to visit the Panama Canal
But it was all locked up.
What road did the Three Wise Men take to visit baby Jesus?
The highway to the manger zone.
A student visits the principal’s office one day and the principal says to him, “What’s your name, son?” He replies, “D-d-d-dav-dav-david, sir.” The principal looks up and asks him, “Oh, do you have a stutter?”
The student replies, “No sir, my dad has a stutter, but the guy who registered my name was an asshole.”
There was an accident in the Paleontology section of a Natural History Museum where multiple dinosaur skeletons collapsed and were broken beyond repair. The directors of the museum were concerned that visitors wouldn't visit that section anymore ...
but visitors still showed up to view the
Tyrannosaurus Wrecks.
My mother-in-law always wanted to visit the Valley of a Thousand Hills, so I've booked her trip -
Why did the astronaut refuse to fly home to visit his girlfriend?
Visiting Minnesota, family wanted to visit the Mall of America
“Ehh, you’ve been to one, you’ve been to the mall”
A Visit to the Monastery
I visited a monastery and as I walked past the kitchen, I saw a man frying chips.
I asked him "Are you the friar"?
He replied "No, I'm the chip monk."
I never go to the bathroom when i visit the midwest.
Today I went to a college visit, and in order to speed up the line for food I just grabbed some butter for my bagel and put it in my pocket
My sister said, oh no, it almost fell out! You butter watch it! ;D
I’m so proud of her, I’ve raised her well
Among all the subreddits I visit everyday, I enjoy r/citrus the most.
News channels when Boris Johnson visits the Queen of the United Kingdom...
What kind of tropical fruit wants to visit the moon?
I went to visit my pregnant friend in the hospital and found a parking spot in the C section of the parking lot.
I had to climb out of the sunroof.
What country does the guy from A Flock of Seagulls not want to visit?
I would visit this restaurant on the daily
What's the mountain that hikers are reluctant to visit?
I need to visit my mother in the hospital before it’s too late.
Because it’s already 8pm.
Why did the coach visit the bank??
My wife and I are finally going to visit San Francisco to see the Golden Gate in person.
Her: What are you going to do when we see it?
Me: We’ll cross that bridge when we get there.
What’s that Nevada city where all the dentists visit?
A Rabbi paid a visit to the village of "Trid," where they were being relentlessly kicked by an angry troll. The troll completely avoided the Rabbi, kicking only the locals. He finally approached the troll, and asked why.
The troll replied, "Silly Rabbi, kicks are for Trids!"
What do you call the colleagues who visit the restrooms together?
Went to visit my brother in the city and noticed he had cute little statues in his garden that lit up and moved around with the music he had piped out there.
He said they were metro gnomes.
Make sure to visit the tire store on black Friday.
They always have a blowout!
Visit to the Doctor’s Office
Carol hated going to the Doctor’s office, she was afraid she would see he ex-Ray.
My wife was in jail, so I decided to go for a conjugal visit. The kids started freaking out, though.
Best game of Monopoly ever.
What do you call a scientist that never visits the tanning salon?
People who visit the Sistine Chapel are literally ceiling fans
When calm, why is it bad to visit cafes on an island in the South Pacific Ocean?
My daughter did NOT get a visit from the Tooth Fairy last night.
Daughter: "The tooth fairy couldn't find it because it wasn't under my pillow because I found it sticking to my butt this morning."
Me: "So, what you're saying is that your lost tooth came back to bite you in the ass?"
My wife was being helpful. A visit from Dad made sure we never got rid of the note
Cop 1: You really think the murderer will come back to visit the body of his victim?
Dad Cop: Remains to be seen.
Why did the Queen visit the dentist?
Her: Don’t you wish we could throw a dart randomly at the globe and go visit the place where it lands?
Me: Not really. There is a 70% chance we will be in the middle of the ocean.
Her: This is why no one hangs out with us anymore.
When I visit the ocean, I can never locate any dolphins.
I guess I've lost my sense of porpoise.
I enjoy my visits to the local herb garden...
But you have to know when it's thyme to leaf.
So my friend and I visit a vegetable shop. The clerk says "You want to buy anything?"
I said "Lettuce see the selection, please"
The kids and I went to visit a historic light house in Maine...
But I don't get it, that house seemed pretty heavy to me
Why did the pelican visit Alaska?
Wife: Let’s go visit the Sistine Chapel sometime.
Me: Are you sure it’ll make sense? I haven’t seen the first fifteen.
The other day I was second guessing my decision to book time to visit a Native American community...
It was a reservation reservation reservation.
If you ever get a chance to visit the Middle East...
Beware of shopping in Israel. It Israeli expensive.
I work on a nature reserve in the UK. My dad came to visit today.
Why don't the Leaning Tower of Pisa and Big Ben ever visit each other?
One lacks the time and the other lacks the inclination.
Why did the number of hospital visits quadruple after China started manufacturing glassware?
Because they make bad tempered glass.
How does the Devil visit heaven?
I've had whiskey dick when I drink too much. But recently I got painkillers after a visit to the dentist...
and I got poppycock. What nonsense is that!?
Every time my dad is in the kitchen when I visit...
Dad: Can I make you a sandwich?
Me: yes please.
Dad:(uses a utensil as a magic wand) Poof, you're a sandwich.
Went to the beach last summer to visit my dad.
I ended up getting my first tattoo, a sun on my left shoulder. After getting it done my dad says
"Be sure to tell everyone you got a little sun on your shoulder while you were at the beach!"
The whole family went to visit my grandpa...
My mom asked my grandpa as a greeting, "What's new?"
His responded: "No, everything here is old."
He owns and runs an antique store.
Went to visit the in-laws and on the way my wife made a dad joke
As we are driving we come up to a hill and half way up we see a man on a longboard trying to make his way up, when my wife points at him and says that guy fighting an uphill battle! Eyes rolled and knees were slapped.
Got dadjoked by the farmer when we went to visit a pig
My parents invested in a pig, as in we buy it as a baby and the farmer lady fattens it, butcher it, etc.
We went to visit the pig and she gave them their feed and they weren't eating until we were walking away. To that she said:
"They just don't want to look like hogs"
What is the best time to visit a dentist?
Every time I visit my dad in St. Louis, he will walk into a room looking depressed until whatever girl I've brought home for the holidays asks what's wrong.
His reply: "Oh, I live in a state of Missouri."
I went to visit a friend at the hospital and found a spot in the “C” section of the parking lot.
I had to climb out of the sunroof.
What's that Nevada city where all the dentists visit?
When is the most popular time to visit the dentist?
When's the best time to visit the dentist?
Every time I visit my dad in St. Louis, he will walk into the room looking depressed until whatever girl I brought home for the weekend asks what's wrong.
Lol, jk I'm a redditor, I've never brought a girl home, and that is why I'm the one in a state of Missouri.
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