Donβt run away, I want to show you how much I lava you!
One of the villagers turned and asked another, "what happened?"
She told him, "he's been arrested for forgery."
Is that-a pear on-a plant?
TestifiHates.
Sadly the government didn't give a dam.
I wish you well
Because no one believed in him.
Didnβt go down well.
As he began his daily routine of preparing to bake countless loaves of bread, he quickly realized there was no knead.
He was carrying a massive stick so I said to him "Are you a pole vaulter?" to which he replied "No, I'm a German. How did you know my name was Walter?"
Joke shamelessly stolen from u/tunafriendlydolphin β‘
He used a Berk-in bag.
This is clearly low effort; I do hope itβs original, though.
TA-LO?
(For reference, the show's most iconic line is "I burn for you".)
It all started last night when I proposed we make butter. She thought that would be time-consuming, but I said I'd do it because "I churn for you."
She later retaliated by saying she was going to Switzerland because "I Bern for you".
I fired back that evening by rotating my body in bed. "I turn for you."
Just now she said we should take a pottery class. Then she laid it on me with "I urn for you".
But I was ready. "That sounds expensive, but don't worry - I earn for you."
So yeah countless villages have been ravaged and cities destroyed in our conquest. I'll keep you updated.
Only ewes can prevent florist friars.
Long ago there was a village under the sea. In that village lived a collection of fish, lot's of different kinds, along with Ted the strong octopus, and they all lived happily. Near the village, there was a cave whose entrance was blocked by a large stone, and above it, there was an inscription saying βWhen real danger arrives, open the cave, and you will all be savedβ.
One day the village was attacked by a shoal of piranhas. The fish rush to the cave and try to push the boulder aside, but it is too large for them, so they go to Ted the strong octopus to ask for help, but Ted says βNo, this danger is not big enough for us to need the cave, we will be fine without it.β. The fish begged and argued, but there was no convincing Ted, so they had to fight the piranhas without whatever was in the cave, and against all odds, they managed to defeat them with minimal losses, and all agreed that Ted was right.
After a fair bit of time, the village was attacked again by a bed of moray eels. Again the fish rushed to the cave to try to push the boulder aside, and again they failed, for it was too large for them, so they rush to Ted to ask for help. βNo,β Ted said again βthis danger is not as big as you think it is. We will manage just fine without the contents of the cave. Leave that for a bigger threat.β. And so the fish asked and begged, Ted, told them that all 8 of his hands were tied, he wouldn't help with moving the boulder, so they ended up fighting the morays, and to everyone's surprise, they actually managed to save the village. All again reluctantly agreed that although a deus ex machina would have been good, they didn't end up needing one.
Time passed and life was normal in the village until a Shiver of Sharks was spotted in the distance. Everyone panicked, and, knowing that they couldn't move the boulder alone, they rushed to Ted. βAgain, the danger is not big enough, we will survive,β said Ted, and no matter what they did they couldn't change his mind, so they all rushed to the boulder in a desperate attempt to move it. As they were giving up, a very old fish that everyone trusted said βDo not worry, for Ted is wise, and he knows when the danger is real, and he knows when to use the contents of the cave. Have faith that if he says we will be fine, we will survive this, and when octopush comes to shove, the cave will open.β.
Nacho, nacho plan... they've gotta make a nacho plan.
Iβm really not sure how effective they are, seems as if they are a shot in the dark.
Because Six hasn't been the same since he left Vietnam. He can seldom close his eyes without opening them again at fear of Charlies lurking in the jungle trees. Not that you could ever see the bastards, mind you. They were swift, and they knew their way around the jungle like nothing else. He remembers the looks on the boys' faces as he walked into that village and... oh, Jesus. The memories seldom left him, either. Sometimes he'd reminisce - even hear - Tex's southern drawl. He remembers the smell of Brooklyn's cigarettes like nothing else. He always kept a pack of Lucky's with him. The boys are gone, now. He knows that; it's just that he forgets, sometimes. And, every now and then, the way that seven looks at him with avid concern in his eyes... it makes him think. Sets him on edge. Makes him feel like he's back there... in the jungle.
After failing to win for about 9 times in a row, Jaime, hired a spy who will go and check Jack's harvest the night before the contest so he can harvest more. As the spy came back the night before, he informed the farmer Jaime about the amount that he saw inside Jack's yard but he was not able to tell the amount in exact. Jaime took the spy to his paddy field, gave him some extra money than what they initially agreed upon and said...
"You reap what you saw".
Worcestershire
"Why, MCA?"
WHYYYY MCA!!
I hope they get well soon
It was a separation of church and slate.
The troll replied, "Silly Rabbi, kicks are for Trids!"
"You see that steeple on that church over there? Yeah, I hit it."
Giant stood at the top of the hill. Bellow the hill the people called Trids lived. When the trids would go up the hill the giant would just kick them back down the hill. Every time the trids would try and go up the mountain. So they went to a neighboring village and asked the rabbi there to help them. So the rabbi walks up the hill to the giant. Then when the giant didnβt kick the rabbi down the hill right away the rabbi was curious. He asked the giant why he hadnβt kicked him down the hill. The giant said βsilly rabbi kicks are for tridsβ.
Get it? How old are you?
"I will blow up your water place!" He meant well.
He tried everything: rodents, small animals, and even cuts from larger animals, but it wouldn't eat.
As a last resort, he offered a virgin, but still the snake wouldn't eat. So, he called up the village's wise man.
Without hesitation, the wise man put two pieces of bread on the woman, and the snake ate her whole.
When Attila asked why, the wise man responded,
"Thine anaconda don't want nun unless you've got buns, hun!"
"Florida Woman Stops Alligator Attack Using a small .22 caliber Ruger Pistol." Another good reason to have a concealed weapons permit. This is a story of self-control and marksmanship by a brave, cool-headed woman with a small pistol against a fierce predator. Here's her story in her own words: "While walking along the edge of a pond just outside my house in the Villages discussing a property settlement with my soon-to-be ex-husband, and other divorce issues, we were surprised by a huge 12-ft alligator which suddenly emerged from the murky water. It began charging us with its large jaws wide open. She must have been protecting her nest because she was extremely aggressive. "If I had not had my little Ruger 22 caliber pistol with me, I would not be here today! Just one shot to my estranged husband's knee cap was all it took. The gator got him easily, and I was able to escape by just walking away at a brisk pace. The amount I saved in lawyer's fees was really incredible and his life insurance was also a big bonus!"
He said once he saw a lion, he started running toward the village at full speed. After around a kilometre, he looked back and lion, who was just a feet away from him, slipped all of sudden. This allowed him to gain some distance from lion. After around another kilometre, he looked back and lion, who was closing the distance slipped once again. This kept happening untill he reached the village. And that's how he survived the lion chasing him for 10 kms.
"Wow uncle!! You are great. If I was in your position I would have peed myslef. "
"Idiot. Then how do you think lion kept slipping."
The village elders looked at him and asked, "Didn't you just start your own religion? Ask your followers instead!"
He said, "No problem, I'll be back tomorrow."
The next day he showed up and asked for some bread.
The village elders looked at him and asked, "Doesn't your religion disavow physical needs? Transcend your hunger instead."
He said, "No problem, I'll be back tomorrow."
The next day he showed up and asked for some meat.
The village elders looked at him and asked "Doesn't your religion espouse vegetarianism? You should be asking for bread and vegetables instead."
He said, "I already did, but no problem..."
Finally, the elders called the village guards to get rid of that Hungry Buddha Pest.
Certain related tribes in sub-Saharan Africa often raided each other's villages when most folk were herding animals. Sometimes they would take vegetables and water, but more often taking little things, to gently mock each other. It was all in good fun. After a successful raid, the "winning" tribe would celebrate by dancing under the stars, or in one of their large, grass-covered spirit houses.
One day, the Imaqi took their Satari shaman's sceptre. The following day, the Satari not only stole the sceptre back, but also the Imaqi chief's regalia.
It went back and forth, until, on a rare and daring escapade, three Imaqi warriors stole the Santari chief's throne. They put it on display, above their chief's throne in the spirit house.
The Imaqi thought that this was hilarious, and as it was beginning to rain, made merry and danced in the spirit house. Suddenly, the heavy throne on display fell down and killed a number of the dancing revelers.
The moral should be obvious: those who live in grass houses shouldn't stow thrones.
RΓΌdoff was one of the best fighters in his village and a terrifying opponent on the battlefield. He would often return from battle, so drenched in his opponent's blood that he became known as "RΓΌdoff det rΓΈde", meaning "the red".
After years of wars, and regular battles, RΓΌdoff finally grew old, and decided that his fighting days were behind him. He became the best farmer that his village had ever known and people would travel from.far away to ask him about his crops and to predict the weather, as he was quite proficient at it.
One morning he wokeup, and looked out the window, the skys were clear and the sun was shining, but RΓΌdoff could feel the pressure in his old bones and battle scars
"It will Rain soon", he said to his wife while she made breakfast. She glanced outside and told him he was nuts, it was bright and sunny.
He simply hiked up his pants and reminded her:
RΓΌdoff The Red knows rain, dear.
Didn't go down well.
Six hasn't been the same since he left Vietnam. Every time he closes his eyes, he's sees Charlie hiding in the darkness of the forest. Not that you could ever see those bastards, mind you. They were fast and they knew their way around the jungle. He remembers the looks on the boy's faces when they walked into that village and... oh Jesus. He shouldn't think about that now. Sometimes he still hears Tex's slow southern drawl. He remembers the smell of Brooklyn's cigarettes. He always had a pack of Luckys. But the boys are gone now... he knows that. It's--it's just that he forgets sometimes. And sometimes the way that seven looks at him... it makes him think. Sets him on edge. And he feels like he's back there... In the jungle... In the darkness.
Seven has a hook for a hand as well, which is very scary. Six is afraid of Seven because he is a damn psychopath.
