The Tab Puns

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I guess you could say I dont practice Santeria.

Can't drink

(spent a while designing that one. Really proud of it)

But my stylus is broken, so I can do neither.

Speaks into soda tab: "Calling all ducks"

My dad did this and it took me years to understand...

They said I wasn't putting in enough shifts.
I went straight to the bar, bought drinks for everyone there and asked them to put it on my tab.

We’re sitting in the chill out area at work and there’s an old Metallica guitar Tab book near us.

One of the girls says “That book smells like the 90’s”.

A guy laughs and says “What does the 90’s smell like?”

I say “Teen Spirit!”

While the nurse was getting me ready to go, she had to disconnect the wires and take off all tabs. She said there all wires removed. I said “thanks now I am wireless!”

The wife groaned

Me: I turned Pandora off, but it is still playing and I would have to completely close all my school work tabs to shut the stupid thing down. Several songs later, and it still won't go away. ):|

Him: You have opened Pandora's Box.

So a horse walks into a bar and the bartender asks if he wants a beer. The horse goes "neigh." So the bartender kicks him out for wasting space, and on top of it, horsing around. 30 minutes later, a donkey comes in, orders the most expensive drink and a round for the house. When it comes time to pay the tab, the donkey says, "oh, by the way, you kicked out my husband, a horse, earlier," then walks out without paying. The bartender was upset, but knew he'd serve the occasional horse's ass.

Dad sees someone drinking a can of soda pop. He points to the tab on the top and says, "ever seen one of those used as a duck call?"

Invariably they'll say "no."

He'll pull the top off, slightly bend it several times, each time blowing a practice puff through it, and then put it to his mouth and yell....

...."HERRRRRRRE DUCKY DUCKY DUCKY!!!!!"

The bartender says "Make sure to pay your tab before you split".

Wedding rehearsal dinner this past Friday. Father-of-the-groom is picking up the tab and the check arrives.

Father-of-the-bride: Hope you've got a good Visa!

Father-of-the-groom: Nope. I'm in the country illegally.

All dads in attendance laugh boisterously. Groom laughs while bride wonders what the hell she's gotten herself into.

I was drinking in an Irish pub on St. Patrick's Day a few years ago when the building suffered a malfunction. The register cover of the air conditioning vent was not secured to the wall and worked its way loose, hitting me and a friend. I ended up with a cut on my forehead, a spiffy blue bandaid from the kitchen first aid kit, and a comped bar tab.

My dad told me I should have duct.

When the tab came they pooled their money to pay.

The Duck had a bill

The Frog had a greenback.

The deer had a buck.

The Skunk had a scent.

Then the giraffe said,"Don't worry boys, the High Balls are on me."

A father walks up to his son and puts a post-it note on the son's shoulder.
Son: "Dad, what are you doing?!" He says as he tries to shimmy it off of his shoulder.
Dad: "Oh, don't worry, I am just keeping tabs on you."