A list of puns related to "The Skinny"
I said, “Who is this guy?”
My grandfather: That’s my hip replacement.
Now things are Hunky Dory.
One is a night light, and the other is a light knight.
Slim to nun
It’s night.
Fausting
Light green
She must be in-Seine!
I couldn’t get into it.
Because it’s got a marrow waistline.
Always nice to help fellow gym goers
A friend asked "What does it mean if your palm itches?" I replied "I'm sorry I don't make rash decisions."
Euripides, you pay!
"You're a liar" said the Deaf Man.
Did you hear about the magician who grabbed Eminem so hard his SnapBack fell off?
He pulled a rabbit out of his hat
What do you call a magician who is an administrator at a college, but nobody knows what students he is in charge of?
Whose dean’s he?
A magician went out to the store and bought a big metal structure so he could hang upside down and do situps. He also loved painting, but because of his style he often knocked the canvas around while dabbing on the paint. So he bought another, wooden structure, like an easel, but with clamps to hold the painting in place while he prodded it with the paintbrush. His wife asked, as he brought them in, what the hell he had just bought. He replied:
“Ab rack and dab rack”
What do you call a magician with very skinny fingers?
Slight of hand
The magician’s wife brought him to the store to buy gifts for a birthday party. She picked out a lovely candle, but wanted to include a nice note. The magician knew just what to do. He brought her down an aisle, found a section marked “birthday,” and said:
“Pick a card, any card”
The Russian magician, in 1932, found an amazing new piece for his act: a giant, wooden sarcophagus in the shape of a beautiful woman. The piece had giant, metal blades inside at waist level. They were locked in place while it was open, but retracted as it closed, making it seem as though the magician had escaped death. But one day, while he was practicing, the great sarcophagus fell over - door still open - right on the magician. When he was found, he was cut right in two. Moral of the story:
In Soviet Russia, box woman saws you.
Okay that’s it. I’m so sorry, I have nothing better to do.
For the first time in my life I’m not skinny. For those of you who have held out this long for a fat joke, the weight is finally over.
Who’s the skinny one?
I been fooling around with this girl who's 5'9" and 110lbs.
Me: I don't understand how you're so skinny; we both eat the same unhealthy garbage
Her: It's hereditary, everyone in my family is real skinny.
Me: So I guess you've got skinny genes!
I laughed hysterically. She was mildly amused.
We felt so sorry for him because the poor guy was completely covered in snow, but this morning, he had just vanished!
Not a word, not even a goodbye or a thank you for sheltering him!
The last straw was when I realized he had peed all over the living room floor!
That's the thanks we get for being good to people?!
I'm warning all of you to watch out for this man!
He is a heavy set, white guy, wearing nothing but a scarf.
He has a nose that looks like a carrot, two black eyes, and his arms are so skinny, they look like sticks.
Whatever you do, don't bring him into your house!
There's this crackhead in my neighborhood who is so skinny, everyone calls him "Ribs." Overall he's pretty harmless, but one day we were sitting in the front yard with our toddler in the playpen and he wanted to make the case that we should hire him to babysit. He picked up my son and started making his pitch. Most people would probably freak out as this point, but I just calmly looked at him and said politely, "I want my baby back, Ribs."
He decides to get something to eat. Two lines exist, one with skinny men and the other with men with beer guts. He asked the pastor if there was a difference between the lines.
"Yes," the pastor said. "The one with thin men in it is to get to the food booth. The other is for beer. It is the paunch line."
Mom: You really need to eat more, you're too skinny.
Dad: Don't worry about her, I had the same body when I was her age.
Me: What, you had boobs?
Dad: What, you do?
Oh my God dad.
My mother was talking about a friend of hers who is really skinny because she works out all the time.
Mom: All she does is bike and exercise, she doesn't even have a stomach.
Me (with a purposely bewildered look): Then how does she eat anything?
Many eye rolls and groans were had and my wife just glared at me.
My sister was complaining that all she could buy for underwear was ugly ones because she has wide hips even though the rest of her is skinny. I wasn't really paying attention and said "aw yeah..that's a bummer."
She looked at me like "oh haha very funny." I was confused for a half a second until I thought about what I had just said.
What did the skinny jar of peanut butter say to the fat jar of peanut butter?
You're Chunky...
Context: My dad is not exactly what you would call skinny...
Dad: Do you want a hand moving them (the massive pot of potatoes that had been on the boil)
Mum: I should be okay
Dad: Are you sure? They're hot and heavy. Just like me!
Dad proceeded to make this face: http://i.imgur.com/UT69wID.gif
So my boyfriend andi have been together for almosta year, and he has really spent a lot of time with my kids. We were ata birthday party for my son, and my cousin was wearing this shirt. She and I were talking and I told her she was too skinny and she was saying that she wasn't, was finally gaining weight, etc, when my boyfriend looked at her and said "That's not true, I can see your bones!" Took a second for everyone to realize it was a joke, and a room full of adults groaned while my boyfriend and I laughed.
Yup, he's definitely got a handle on the dad thing already.
We were outside and I was so cold I was shivering. Being the good friend he is, he offered me his leather jacket.
Now, my friend is this skinny little dude, and I'm a heavier set guy.
Me: What is it a medium? Sorry, but I'm an XL dude.
My friend: Really, I always pictured you as a powerpoint kinda guy.
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