I know she means well.
“I’m never going to get to the bottom of this.”
A pit bull bites the hand that feeds it, while a hot dog feeds the hand that bites it.
He re-Poe-ed them.
He said he wanted to make a Ghee Tar.
But she slowly started warming up to it.
But I don’t beat around the Bush
He was in a hole lot of doubt.
It was groundbreaking.
Now they don't even have a pit to hiss in
Myself: Watch out, you're playing with fire. Uncle: Oh I know, I feel the heat.
First.... You dig a big pit.
Like, a tiger pit, but big enough for an elephant.
Then, you fill it with leaves and debris and whatever...
Light the leaves on fire and let it burn all the way down to ash.
Next, open a can of peas (or fresh peas if you have them)...
Place the peas all along the outside of the pit, creating a ring around the whole thing...
That way, when the elephant goes to take a pea, you kick him in the ash-hole.
Feefiphobia.
It was the pits
Their method for hunting polar bears was the most interesting. They would start a fire out on a deep snow bank, and essentially melt a hole in the snow. Once the hole was big enough they would stop feeding it firewood and let it burnout on its own. Once the fire had gone down and was nothing more than smoldering ashes with a little bit of smoke, they would line the edge of the fire pit with snow peas.
All they had to do from there is hide and wait. Once a bear caught scent of the smoke and starts to investigate, the bear would eventually start eating some of the peas. Then they sneak up behind it and kick it in the ash-hole.
Back a few decades, I was working in a program with a local college in the Middle East.
The name of the program for ExPats has the clever acronym of "IDEA" (hey, I said it was clever); which stands for "Inter-Departmental Educational Adjunct". It's interdepartmental because my particular specialty not only covers field geology but also paleontology and a bit of archeology thrown in for good measure. Everyone hopes to have a good IDEA...
ahem...
Well, we saddle up and head for the Dune Sea out in the west of the country, where the Precambrian, Cambrian, Silurian, Cretaceous, Pliocene, Pleistocene, and Holocene crop out and access is relatively easy and non-injurious.
Well, we caravan out, some 30 Land Cruisers, Nissan patrol, and the odd Mitsubishi Galloper strong. We all get our maps, compasses and split up into 5 or 6 special interest groups ("SIG's"); where each IDEA has his own GPS and LIDAR laser ranging apparatus. Reason being, that there are very few benchmarks out in the desert, and even those are constantly at the mercy of the shifting and ever-blowing sands.
Since we're split into groups and at any one time, ranging up to and including some 50 km2, when a real find is located, a device called the "DIME" (Digital-Interface Monitor Encoder) is attached and programmed into the GPS for location later; it is a digital sort of low-frequency transponder, developed from technology used by offshore drillers and jacket setters where benchmarks are even more transitory.
The way it works is rather simple. When something is to be marked for later retrieval, a series of wooden posts are pounded in a triangular manner around the find and the DIME is set, programmed with the GPS and attached to one or more of the posts.
That's the theory, at least.
Everything works well, especially all the hardened electronics and computer gizmos, but attaching the DIME to the stakes is the real problem. It can't be nailed, screwed or fastened with any sort of metal contrivance as that farkles the magnetic field and causes all sorts of goofy spurious signals. Zip ties don't last long in the heat and duct tape is right out. Many sites have been lost to the shifting sands this way.
Velcro doesn't work too well, as the sand fills the hooks of the receiving piece of velcro and soon renders it useless. String or fishing line work, but that's temporary (they melt). Glue or mastic are out as these are supposed to be temporary. Even plastic sleeves don't work due to the heat out
... keep reading on reddit ➡Like, "Sir, you're gonna have to get out. The ball pit is for kids only Sir."...
A man gets a new job at the zoo.
On his first day, he still doesn't really understand what exactly he's meant to do, just that it involves the Gorillas. He goes and checks in and the manager sits him down to explain.
"Now look," says the manager, "We've been having some troubles lately with our gorilla. He was acting up, getting really agitated with the environment, so we had to send him away. We told the people that enclosure's being repaired, but we're actually looking for a new gorilla - can you do it for us?"
The man is unsure, but he needs the money, so he agrees, puts on a gorilla suit and goes out there. At first he's a bit mopey, so he sits around a lot.
After a couple of days he begins to warp up and eats a couple of bananas and wanders around a little.
Over the course of the next few weeks he becomes progressively more outgoing, moving around, playing in the jungle gym, hollering around and beating his chest. He's a big hit and everything's going really well for him, until one day he's on his monkey bars and getting really into it, but he slips and flies through the air, over the pit, clears the fence and lands in a pile of bushes in the next enclosure.
He is just beginning to pick himself up, when out of the corner of his eye, he sees something in the foliage.
A pair of eyes lock with his.
It moves closer.
He knows this is it.
He begins to pray.
Suddenly the creature leaps and tackles him - the biggest, ugliest lion he's ever seen!
It leans in close.
He can see every gleaming tooth in it's mouth
He can smell the lion's breath
It opens it's mouth
And from inside the lion he hears a whisper.
"Make this good or we'll both lose our jobs."
that’s the pits
One's a pale kit
The other's a kale pit
It ended up being the pits
They're the pits.
when the snake pit was accidentally filled in. The zoo keeper said "it's terrible terrible news, now the snakes don't even have a pit to hiss in.
There's a sign declaring it The Avocado Highway. My wife asked me why it was called that.
I said: "Because it's the pits."
- It's too deep
- It's the pits
- The places made me go "What the Hell"
- It took an eternity for anything to happen
- I didn't get a lot of it , because the devil was in the details
- The so-called "smart" people in Hell use too much circular reasoning
- The main character is too down-to-earth
- Lucifer is unlikable, even though he is a central character
- It uses too much inflammatory language
- A lot of the action is too sin-tilating for me
Ok, that last one was pretty bad. I should be punished. I'll go die in a fire now.
So we (my sister Shannen, my girlfriend Kallie, and my dad) are adopting a dog today and we are waiting in line for the centert to open.
Shannen: I hear they have a bunch of pit bull mixes.
Me: Do you guys want a pit bull?
Kallie: Pit Bulls are super sweet, it just depends on how they're raised
Dad: I don't know... I don't really like his music
So i made a pit stop at ol' GC to kill off a gift card from Xmas.
I needed one of those little plastic egg shakers (musicians will know) and some drum sticks. The two gentlemen were very rad & we stood around shootin' the shit for a bit.
Then the one who had my plastic shaker in his hand went to exhibit its shaker-y-ness only for it to fly out of his hands (on accident of course) and nail me in the chest.
The other gentleman responded with "That's not what he meant by drum throne!"
I swear I heard angels singing as they descended down a badly played Stairway to Heaven.
It's the Pits.
Get a shovel, a bucket of ashes and a pea. Dig a pit and cover the top with the ashes. Place the pea in the middle. Wait.
When the elephant goes to take a pea, kick him in the ash hole
Me: yeah, they really are the pits!
My dad was an auto mechanic with his own shop and often did work from inside a floor pit underneath the cars. One time my mom (who took care of the office) came over while he was working in the pit and remarked 'It's so dark down there, how can you see anything?' to which my dad replied, not missing a beat, 'I went to night school.'
it's the pits.
My wife and I were visiting family last week, and with my wife's older sister and 7-year-younger brother, he was asking us about forest fires. Discussing having a fire pit in your backyard during a fire ban:
younger brother: What's the penalty for starting a forest fire, like, if there's a ban?
wife: firing squad
me: =D
everyone else: ಠ_ಠ
MAN LAWS
The International Rules of Manhood
1: Under no circumstances may two men share an umbrella.
2: It is OK for a man to cry ONLY under the following circumstances:
(a) When a heroic dog dies to save its master.
(b) The moment Angelina Jolie starts unbuttoning her blouse.
(c) After wrecking your boss' car.
(d) When she is using her teeth.
3: Any Man who brings a camera to a bachelor party may be legally killed and eaten by his buddies.
4: Unless he murdered someone in your family, you must bail a friend out of jail within 12 hours.
5: If you've known a guy for more than 24 hours, his sister is off limits forever unless you actually marry her.
6: Moaning about the brand of free beer in a buddy's fridge is forbidden. However complain at will if the temperature is unsuitable.
7: No man shall ever be required to buy a birthday present for another man. In fact, even remembering your buddy's birthday is strictly optional. At that point, you must celebrate at a strip bar of the birthday boy's choice.
8: On a road trip, the strongest bladder determines pit stops, not the weakest.
9: When stumbling upon other guys watching a sporting event, you may ask the score of the game in progress, but you may never ask who's playing.
10: You may flatulate in front of a woman only after you have brought her to climax. If you trap her head under the covers for the purpose of flatulent entertainment, she's officially your girlfriend.
11: It is permissible to drink a fruity alcohol drink only when you're sunning on a tropical beach... and it's delivered by a topless model and only when it's free.
12: Only in situations of moral and/or physical peril are you allowed to kick another guy in the nuts.
13: Unless you're in prison, never fight naked.
14: Friends don't let friends wear Speedos. Ever. Issue closed.
15: If a man's fly is down, that's his problem, you didn't see anything.
16: Women who claim they "love to watch sports" must be treated as spies until they demonstrate knowledge of the game and the ability to drink as much as the other sports watchers.
17: A man in the company of a hot, suggestively dressed woman must remain sober enough to fight.
18: Never hesitate to reach for the last beer or the last slice of pizza, but not both, that's just greedy.
19: If you compliment a guy on his six-pack, you'd better be talking about his choice of beer.
20: Never join your girlfriend or wife in discussing a friend of yours, except if she's withholding
... keep reading on reddit ➡They were tasty, but apparently they were the pits to work with.
We just got a new propane powered fire pit for our back yard and we are switching propane tanks around to make it work. My mom asked: "so does the fire pit have gas?" My dad responded without skipping a beat: "Why? Did you give it beans?"
