Next time you go to the eye doctor say its nice to see you again
My 7 year old nephew showed me with pride the "telephone" he had just made from a string and two tin cans. I pulled out my iPhone and said, "That's nice, but..."
"Look at what kids your age make in China!"
Dwayne Johnson is a really nice guy, so he always makes sure he's as close to the wall as possible...
He hates putting anyone between The Rock and a hard place.
I got fired from the shoe factory, but they were nice enough to leave me with a parting gift.
The waiter pillar is very nice, 5 starr
When I was young, my parents used to buy all my sports gear but now that I’m an adult I figured I should splurge and buy myself a nice hockey stick. When I went looking at the store I realized that my parents would only buy me low quality, inexpensive sticks to save money.
Cheapskates!........cheap helmets, cheap gloves...
My wife got mad at me when I opened the window and yelled "Nice rack!"....
... But that buck must have been a 6 pointer!
Man was selling a really nice JBL speaker for just $1! Said the volume was stuck at max volume permanently. But what a deal!
How could I turn that down!?
So I wanted to buy my wife a nice yellow orchid for her birthday, but then I swapped it for a red rose in the last second...
You could say it was a quick change of plants
Me: *arriving at the office after lunch in a nice red dress.*
My boss: Why are you dressed as a woman?!
Me: What do you mean? You asked me if i could join the meeting with the Chinese as a trans later?
Nice and dead behind the eyes for my own pun
I walked into the kitchen to help my wife prepare dinner and exclaimed, "That’s a nice ham you’ve got there honey! It’d really be a shame if someone..."
"...put an ‘s’ at the front and an ‘e’ at the end!"
Nice pun from the local barber shop
Yesterday I saw a very nice car with a handicap sticker on the back.
It must have cost an arm and a leg.
The average person isn't nice to other people.
People say the back of my head looks really nice
7, 8, and 9 are the only members of their gang. 7 is the fighter, small but tough; 9 is the conman, big but nice; and 8...
is between 7 and 9, average and mean.
Nice valentines card from the us navy
With the nice warm weather last weekend, a neighbor was enthusiastically diggin' in the dirt planting his garden!
He was so excited about it, he wet his plants.
The other dads in my Zoom meeting today may have been a bit jealous. I mentioned how my adolescent daughter has been so generous and nice during quarantine while I use the family computer for work, instead of her wasting time all day, watching YouTube. I have to say,
I'm glad to have the no-vid kind teen.
To all the Nice Guys our there
I was talking to a friend the other day, he said to me "wow it must be nice to have big hands"
"Yeah, it comes in handy" I replied.
Nice new car son.. What's that thing on the trunk?
Al Gore was tapping his foot impatiently while waiting for the elevator to arrive. The guy next to him said "Nice Algorithm!"
Al Gore responded: Al Gore take the stairs.
What did the spanish talking cow say when someone does something nice for him?
My son and I both have Honda's and he's a photographer. I told him it would be nice to get a photo of the cars.
He took one, but not of his own accord.
Today at the store the cashier gave me 2 pennies in change and said have a nice day, don’t spend it all in one place.
I said thanks for your 2 cents.
Away on vacation and got the card to our hotel room. Told my wife: “ nice we’re staying in the pie room.”
“What’s a pie room?” she replies, Room 314. We’re staying in room 314. Should have seen the look on her face.
My girlfriend and I were looking at a new apartment today. It seemed nice, but I was disappointed by the lack of furniture in the dining room. "What do you think?" She asked.
I Need help coming up with an August pun! Each month I write something nice on our calendar to my wife using the month as a pun. Can’t think of one for August! Can anyone help?
I found a really nice chair on sale the other day, but I wasn't sure it was worth buying
I decided to sit on it for a while and decide later
During the summer you can normally say it's a nice day. But during winter...
...its usually an ice day.
Some context: so some guy thought that a close up picture of a fig was the inside of a vagina and then some dude told him that and this guy on Reddit made a nice little pun
After trying out floss for the first time, I couldn't believe how nice it felt.
It truly was a breath of fresh air.
I remember an era when the temperature was always nice in summer; but we had deep snowfall in winter...
It was the best of climes; it was the worst of climes.
My three kids thought it was nice that I would give them the average of all three of their allowances.
“No,” I said. “It’s actually pretty mean.”
Met a really nice invertebrate on the way home.
It was a down-to-earth worm.
Joe walked by a bowl of pretzels in a lobby and got confused whe the pretzals said "you are very good at reading" You look Nice".Joe looked confused. The nearvy receptionist said "the pretzas are complimentary."
On the way to a nice meal with my wife discussing our choice of footwear
Wife: I wish I had worn my boots but I think the restaurant is a little dressier than that.
Me: I don’t think so... I almost wore my sandals.
Wife: That would have been vetoed.
Me: No, that would have been open toed.
People say the back of my head looks really nice
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