My 7 year old nephew showed me with pride the "telephone" he had just made from a string and two tin cans. I pulled out my iPhone and said, "That's nice, but..."

"Look at what kids your age make in China!"

πŸ‘︎ 129
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/honolulu_oahu_mod
πŸ“…︎ Dec 25 2020
🚨︎ report
Dwayne Johnson is a really nice guy, so he always makes sure he's as close to the wall as possible...

He hates putting anyone between The Rock and a hard place.

πŸ‘︎ 21
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/curioushom
πŸ“…︎ Nov 06 2020
🚨︎ report
I got fired from the shoe factory, but they were nice enough to leave me with a parting gift.

They gave me the boot.

πŸ‘︎ 22
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/habsfan1112
πŸ“…︎ Oct 20 2020
🚨︎ report
When I was young, my parents used to buy all my sports gear but now that I’m an adult I figured I should splurge and buy myself a nice hockey stick. When I went looking at the store I realized that my parents would only buy me low quality, inexpensive sticks to save money.

Cheapskates!........cheap helmets, cheap gloves...

πŸ‘︎ 39
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/deathorcharcoal
πŸ“…︎ Nov 01 2020
🚨︎ report
The waiter pillar is very nice, 5 starr
πŸ‘︎ 76
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/potoooooooo53
πŸ“…︎ Aug 25 2020
🚨︎ report
My wife got mad at me when I opened the window and yelled "Nice rack!"....

... But that buck must have been a 6 pointer!

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ampersand12
πŸ“…︎ Nov 11 2020
🚨︎ report
Man was selling a really nice JBL speaker for just $1! Said the volume was stuck at max volume permanently. But what a deal!

How could I turn that down!?

πŸ‘︎ 21
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Parkwad
πŸ“…︎ Jul 30 2020
🚨︎ report
So I wanted to buy my wife a nice yellow orchid for her birthday, but then I swapped it for a red rose in the last second...

You could say it was a quick change of plants

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Aug 10 2020
🚨︎ report
Me: *arriving at the office after lunch in a nice red dress.*

My boss: Why are you dressed as a woman?!

Me: What do you mean? You asked me if i could join the meeting with the Chinese as a trans later?

πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/kjarkr
πŸ“…︎ Jul 13 2020
🚨︎ report
I walked into the kitchen to help my wife prepare dinner and exclaimed, "That’s a nice ham you’ve got there honey! It’d really be a shame if someone..."

"...put an β€˜s’ at the front and an β€˜e’ at the end!"

πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ Jul 07 2020
🚨︎ report
Nice and dead behind the eyes for my own pun
πŸ‘︎ 955
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/emilyallday
πŸ“…︎ Sep 14 2019
🚨︎ report
Nice pun from the local barber shop
πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/DaBooch425
πŸ“…︎ May 09 2020
🚨︎ report
Yesterday I saw a very nice car with a handicap sticker on the back.

It must have cost an arm and a leg.

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/OfTheWhat
πŸ“…︎ Jun 17 2020
🚨︎ report
The average person isn't nice to other people.

Please don't be mean.

πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/OK_Compooper
πŸ“…︎ Mar 25 2020
🚨︎ report
People say the back of my head looks really nice

But I don't see it

πŸ‘︎ 107
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/team_pinapple
πŸ“…︎ Feb 24 2020
🚨︎ report
7, 8, and 9 are the only members of their gang. 7 is the fighter, small but tough; 9 is the conman, big but nice; and 8...

is between 7 and 9, average and mean.

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Freklred
πŸ“…︎ Apr 30 2020
🚨︎ report
Nice valentines card from the us navy
πŸ‘︎ 27
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/BegginersMethod
πŸ“…︎ Feb 16 2020
🚨︎ report
With the nice warm weather last weekend, a neighbor was enthusiastically diggin' in the dirt planting his garden!

He was so excited about it, he wet his plants.

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/djpatientnathan
πŸ“…︎ May 07 2020
🚨︎ report
The other dads in my Zoom meeting today may have been a bit jealous. I mentioned how my adolescent daughter has been so generous and nice during quarantine while I use the family computer for work, instead of her wasting time all day, watching YouTube. I have to say,

I'm glad to have the no-vid kind teen.

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/xxUsernameMichael
πŸ“…︎ Apr 27 2020
🚨︎ report
I was talking to a friend the other day, he said to me "wow it must be nice to have big hands"

"Yeah, it comes in handy" I replied.

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/mozzatits
πŸ“…︎ Apr 01 2020
🚨︎ report
Nothing like relaxing on the couch with a nice mer-loaf imgur.com/dhhpBGM
πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Jan 05 2020
🚨︎ report
Al Gore was tapping his foot impatiently while waiting for the elevator to arrive. The guy next to him said "Nice Algorithm!"

Al Gore responded: Al Gore take the stairs.

πŸ‘︎ 17
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Sep 18 2019
🚨︎ report
Nice new car son.. What's that thing on the trunk?
πŸ‘︎ 433
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/tobias_drundridge
πŸ“…︎ Jan 14 2019
🚨︎ report
What did the spanish talking cow say when someone does something nice for him?

MOOOO-chas gracias

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Menukid
πŸ“…︎ Dec 11 2019
🚨︎ report
My son and I both have Honda's and he's a photographer. I told him it would be nice to get a photo of the cars.

He took one, but not of his own accord.

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/axion87
πŸ“…︎ Aug 02 2019
🚨︎ report
Today at the store the cashier gave me 2 pennies in change and said have a nice day, don’t spend it all in one place.

I said thanks for your 2 cents.

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/spicy-gyro
πŸ“…︎ Nov 11 2019
🚨︎ report
Away on vacation and got the card to our hotel room. Told my wife: β€œ nice we’re staying in the pie room.”

β€œWhat’s a pie room?” she replies, Room 314. We’re staying in room 314. Should have seen the look on her face.

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ArtisansCritic
πŸ“…︎ Oct 28 2019
🚨︎ report
My girlfriend and I were looking at a new apartment today. It seemed nice, but I was disappointed by the lack of furniture in the dining room. "What do you think?" She asked.

I replied, "Notable."

πŸ‘︎ 15
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/FinalCaveat
πŸ“…︎ Sep 11 2019
🚨︎ report
I Need help coming up with an August pun! Each month I write something nice on our calendar to my wife using the month as a pun. Can’t think of one for August! Can anyone help?
πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/SFV650
πŸ“…︎ Jul 28 2018
🚨︎ report
I found a really nice chair on sale the other day, but I wasn't sure it was worth buying

I decided to sit on it for a while and decide later

πŸ‘︎ 11
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/waq_will
πŸ“…︎ Aug 01 2019
🚨︎ report
During the summer you can normally say it's a nice day. But during winter...

...its usually an ice day.

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/FineAndDandy247
πŸ“…︎ Jul 30 2019
🚨︎ report
Some context: so some guy thought that a close up picture of a fig was the inside of a vagina and then some dude told him that and this guy on Reddit made a nice little pun
πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ilovemcyoutubers
πŸ“…︎ Apr 06 2019
🚨︎ report
After trying out floss for the first time, I couldn't believe how nice it felt.

It truly was a breath of fresh air.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/pvtsoab
πŸ“…︎ Jun 29 2019
🚨︎ report
I remember an era when the temperature was always nice in summer; but we had deep snowfall in winter...

It was the best of climes; it was the worst of climes.

πŸ‘︎ 11
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Mar 03 2019
🚨︎ report
My three kids thought it was nice that I would give them the average of all three of their allowances.

β€œNo,” I said. β€œIt’s actually pretty mean.”

πŸ‘︎ 11
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/PawneeCityCouncil
πŸ“…︎ Oct 08 2018
🚨︎ report
Met a really nice invertebrate on the way home.

It was a down-to-earth worm.

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/VividDreamerzzzz
πŸ“…︎ Jan 08 2019
🚨︎ report
Joe walked by a bowl of pretzels in a lobby and got confused whe the pretzals said "you are very good at reading" You look Nice".Joe looked confused. The nearvy receptionist said "the pretzas are complimentary."
πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/thatspunnyxd
πŸ“…︎ Oct 08 2018
🚨︎ report
On the way to a nice meal with my wife discussing our choice of footwear

Wife: I wish I had worn my boots but I think the restaurant is a little dressier than that.

Me: I don’t think so... I almost wore my sandals.

Wife: That would have been vetoed.

Me: No, that would have been open toed.

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/KennethPowersIII
πŸ“…︎ Jan 19 2019
🚨︎ report
Did you hear about the nice young comedian showing tonight?

I heard he's a real stand-up kinda guy!

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Zombleed
πŸ“…︎ Dec 14 2018
🚨︎ report
Bow down before 'Nice One Dad', the website gatekeeper of the worst dad puns known to man.
πŸ‘︎ 54
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/AspiringBiscuit
πŸ“…︎ Jan 01 2018
🚨︎ report
I had a really nice time camping the other week until my family got into a huge argument

It was in tents

πŸ‘︎ 12
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ChaDaBeast
πŸ“…︎ Aug 07 2018
🚨︎ report
People say the back of my head looks really nice

But I don't see it

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/HellsJuggernaut
πŸ“…︎ Mar 12 2020
🚨︎ report

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.