Why was the astronomer arrested?

He was watching a meteor shower.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/LaWoaW
πŸ“…︎ Aug 14 2020
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Swedish astronomer Andres Celcius died in 1744 at the age of 43.

Though his rival, Fahrenheit, was convinced he was 103.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Anthonybrose
πŸ“…︎ Jan 30 2020
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Astronomers got tired of watching the Earth rotate after 24 hours

so they decided to call it a day

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πŸ“…︎ Oct 19 2019
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Did you hear about the astronomer who studied the moon for 24 hours

They got bored and called it a day

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Frenchstery
πŸ“…︎ Nov 07 2017
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My Friend the Astronomer

My friend and I were having a conversation about his career, he said that Uranus was beginning to collapse on itself due to the magnetic and gravitational fields.

Being immature I laughed, he replied with a stern face "I don't think you understand the gravity of this situation."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Ruminino
πŸ“…︎ Jun 17 2019
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Astronomers got tired of waiting for the sun to come back up...

The decided to call it a night

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Datboifritz113
πŸ“…︎ Mar 08 2019
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What is the first thing an astronomer does to complete a task?

They planet.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/RageMonster17
πŸ“…︎ Dec 06 2018
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Astronomers got tired of measuring the time taken for the earth to complete a full rotation of its axis.

So they decided to call it a day.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/TheCooperTroopa
πŸ“…︎ Jan 04 2019
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Did you hear about the astronomer who lost the star naming contest?

He was given a constellation prize

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πŸ‘€︎ u/adryhanchurro
πŸ“…︎ Aug 28 2018
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'Where is Mars, by Jupiter?!' roared the Roman astronomer.

His colleague said, 'yes'.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/TheAnagramancer
πŸ“…︎ Oct 08 2018
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Why did the astronomer say no to Orange Juice?

He preferred Betelgeuse...

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πŸ‘€︎ u/spip72
πŸ“…︎ Jan 06 2019
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Why was the astronomer interested in the buff actor from "Hamlet"?

He was Meaty Yorick!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/SemperPieratus
πŸ“…︎ Jul 29 2016
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The amount of fun I had while reading this is astronomical
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πŸ‘€︎ u/nerooooooo
πŸ“…︎ Apr 10 2019
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The odds are astronomical
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πŸ‘€︎ u/yashT19
πŸ“…︎ May 03 2019
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Playing PokΓ©mon Go on the ISS would be pretty cool, but the data charges must be astronomical.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/boydo579
πŸ“…︎ Jul 10 2016
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Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson go on a camping trip. ..

After a good dinner and a bottle of wine, they retire for the night, and go to sleep. Some hours later, Holmes wakes up and nudges his faithful friend.

"Watson, look up at the sky and tell me what you see."

"I see millions and millions of stars, Holmes," replies Watson.

"And what do you deduce from that?"

Watson ponders for a minute.

"Well, astronomically, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets. Astrologically, I observe that Saturn is in Leo. Horologically, I deduce that the time is approximately a quarter past three. Meteorologically, I suspect that we will have a beautiful day tomorrow. Theologically, I can see that God is all powerful, and that we are a small and insignificant part of the universe. What does it tell you, Holmes?"

Holmes is silent for a moment. "Watson, you idiot!" he says. "Someone has stolen our tent!"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/andersonfmly
πŸ“…︎ Sep 29 2020
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What do you say to someone who has been on the moon when you feel bad about something?

>You Apollo-gize

(From my son today, he has improved astronomically over the past few years.)

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πŸ‘€︎ u/waremi
πŸ“…︎ Aug 21 2020
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I looked into buying a planetarium

But the prices were astronomical!

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πŸ“…︎ Mar 12 2020
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I was watching star trek and they kept talking about freighter ships.

I would imagine the cost of shipping between planets must be astronomical.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/themonkeyswrench
πŸ“…︎ Aug 18 2019
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The stars are bright

My dad is a Navy Vietnam vet who is about to be a retired GM electrical engineer. He is retiring against his will because he has had three strokes, colon cancer, a pulmonary embolism, necrotic esophagus, renal failure, pneumonia, basically a medical shitstorm and he survived it all. In the process, he has lost a lot of memory and quite a bit of his cognitive abilities and furthermore, his balance. However, when I took out the trash tonight at nearly half past ten, I couldn't help but notice how beautiful the stars looked outside tonight. So upon returning, I told my mom and dad "The stars sure are bright tonight. They look amazing." To which my dad then asked, "You know why they're so bright, right?" Now I'm an amateur astronomer. Hell, my first and only telescope was inherited to me by my mother who got it from her father. So knowing its winter and I live in Michigan, I tell my father, "Because its so cold and dry, the star light isn't blocked as much?" His reply; "No. Its because the sun went down. So now its darker outside." Dad: 1. Me: -5.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Hyperbattleship
πŸ“…︎ Feb 18 2015
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I want to become an astronaut...

But the costs are astronomical!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Mondonodo
πŸ“…︎ Mar 08 2015
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Two Astronomers

Two astronomers are watching the world revolve around the sun. After 24 hours they get tired and decide to call it a day.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/lawlwaht
πŸ“…︎ Sep 05 2015
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Out for dinner with my dad and he drops these groan inducers

The feild of astronomy is looking up. Red dwarfs aren't so hot. Black holes are out of sight. The astronomers watched the moon for 24 hours then called it a day.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/mego-pie
πŸ“…︎ Mar 22 2014
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