The Accused Puns

A list of puns related to "The Accused"

I was accused of cheating during the last 5k race I was in! They said I took a shortcut by leaping a fence directly to the finish line…

But they’re always jumping to conclusions!

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👤︎ u/GhostFace1014
📅︎ Oct 01 2021
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I lost my job at the hospital after they accused me of stealing neck braces.

Still, I can walk away with my head held high…..

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👤︎ u/sterntoothz
📅︎ Sep 19 2021
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My wife accused me of taking the last donut

It’s true. I just ate the hole thing.

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👤︎ u/obi-whine-kenobi
📅︎ Mar 11 2021
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The wife accused me of always dropping random Elvis lyrics in our conversations.

Her suspicious mind left me all shook up

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👤︎ u/Durty_Rick_Sanchez
📅︎ Feb 16 2021
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My wife accused me of always stating the obvious.

I replied, "That's what you think!"

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👤︎ u/ryanooooo
📅︎ Feb 05 2021
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When my boys were playing ball, they accused me of spraying the ball with the watering hose. I didn't spray it.

I mist it.

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👤︎ u/brichouse
📅︎ Dec 29 2020
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What did the Mandalorian bodybuilder say when he was accused of taking steroids?

This is the Whey.

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👤︎ u/N11Ordo
📅︎ Nov 30 2020
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I have been accused of writing a long series of messages about the song "I'm Too Sexy"

But I would like to reassure everyone that I did not write said thread.

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👤︎ u/Stoatwobbler
📅︎ Oct 17 2020
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What did the Bowling Pin say when it was accused?

“I’ve been framed!”

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👤︎ u/BeerMan
📅︎ Jul 23 2020
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I had a dream where I was a wharf accused by the state of committing a crime...

I had a right to trial with a jury of my piers.

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👤︎ u/thomasbrakeline
📅︎ Jun 24 2020
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I just saw a homeless man get arrested for cloaking himself in a blanket the cops falsely accused him of stealing...

It was a bum wrap.

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👤︎ u/thomasbrakeline
📅︎ May 17 2020
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At the casino a woman accused me of assault

And I say "But I'm the blackjack dealer, it's my job to hit people."

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👤︎ u/Nicholas-Pressey
📅︎ Apr 13 2020
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My boss accused me of stealing, and fired me from my job at the furniture store. But I regret nothing.

Sometimes you have to take a stand.

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👤︎ u/porichoygupto
📅︎ Sep 21 2018
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I was accused of taking soap making ingredients from the department store...

They're all lyes!

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👤︎ u/thomasbrakeline
📅︎ Feb 16 2020
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What did the cheetah say when she was falsely accused by the lioness?

You've got to believe me, I'm not lion!

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👤︎ u/cyphr0st
📅︎ Aug 12 2019
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I've just been to court accused of sniffing the skins of vegetables and fruits...

I got off on a peel!

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👤︎ u/cotswoldboy
📅︎ Oct 07 2019
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One time my cat chased down a drone and brought it to me. The drone's owner accused me of theft. In my defense, I said it wasn't stolen...

...it was purr-chased

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👤︎ u/MrLazyTiger
📅︎ Dec 29 2018
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Why was the book accused of plagiarism?

It was a copybook

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👤︎ u/totallyfvckedup
📅︎ Nov 22 2019
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I accused my wife of adding dirt to the garden. She denied it.

The plot thickens.

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👤︎ u/keithasaurus
📅︎ Aug 27 2018
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Was grumpy the other day and my wife accused me of being "HANGRY"

After pondering I commented, "nope, I'm HORNERY!"

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👤︎ u/JeF4y
📅︎ Jul 22 2015
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I was in a really bad mood earlier because my wife accused me of always trying to turn everything in to a joke. After hours of awkward silence, she finally gave in and asked, "What's the matter!?"

I replied, "It's the basic structural component of the universe..."

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👤︎ u/madazzahatter
📅︎ Jan 26 2018
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what did the archaeologist say when accused of lying about fossils?

Hey, those artifacts ...

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👤︎ u/DrYegg3000
📅︎ May 18 2018
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The defendant was accused of bringing dynamite into a steer.

A-bomb-in-a-bull!

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👤︎ u/gt0t
📅︎ Feb 14 2018
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