Straight Person Puns

We have always been such a happy couple and everything was fine for 3 years straight. Of course I always felt comfortable in front of her and felt like I can tell her anything. That's where I was wrong.

A few months ago I noticed that she became annoyed by my dumb jokes that were only funny to me, but that just made it even funnier to me so I continued telling all these dad jokes to her and died laughing every time.

She puts up with it because she loves me. At least I thought so.

We were always 100% honest with each other and I'm still shaken by the things she told me today.

I sent her probably one of my worst dad jokes ever (that I stole from reddit), and she just couldn't take it anymore and told me how stupid my jokes are and that she doesn't know if she'll be able to put up with it much longer.

But that's not the worst part, I actually appreciated her honesty and considered the possibility to stop with all the stupid jokes and become more serious in the relationship.

The worst part is that she lied to me for the first time in all these years. I felt like I just couldn't trust her anymore and everything I thought I knew about her as a person just became questionable. I need your advice on how to react to this huge lie...

She told me she's Sorry, but I know for a FACT that her name is Diane.

They go back and forth for a while, neither convincing the other that they are right. Finally they decide on a place to eat. When they get to the restaurant, one of the friends asks the person taking their order to settle it once and for all. "Me and my friend are having a debate and hopefully since you live here, you can set my friend straight. Would you please tell us... and say it clear and slow for my friend here... where are we?"

The person behind the counter gets a puzzled look on his face, then says

>!"Buuuuuurrrrrr gerrrrrr Kiiiiiiinnnnggg"!<

Person A:. Don't worry about Xxxx. He runs on straight dick head fuel.

Person B: You call that Assholine?

So at the restaurant where I work, managers are referred to as "PICs" (pronounced "pick"). This stands for Person in Charge. Its stupid, I know. Anyway, I work in the front of house, and I hear my coworker James, who works in the kitchen, yell through the order window; "I NEED TO SEE A PIC. I NEED A PIC OVER HERE! CAN I SEE A PIC?"

I walked over and stared at him through the order window. While maintaining eye contact I slowly inserted my finger into my nose and rotated it. He gaped at me, open-mouthed.

"What the fuck are you doing?"

"You asked to see a pick."

And then I laughed for like ten straight minutes while he shook his head in pity.

Unsuspecting straight-person stating the obvious: "You've had a haircut!"

Dad: "No, actually, I had several of them cut.

...y'know, it works out cheaper to have them all done at the same time!"