You want to know where dads store all the dad jokes?
They store it in dad-a-base.
Once, when working in a store, a man dressed as a a wizard approached the counter...
He said "Do I get any money off for having this big stick?"
I said "No sir, we don't offer staff discount".
An explosion happened at a clothing store
There were many casual tees
I got carded at a liquor store and my Blockbuster card accidentally fell out
The cashier said nevermind
Saw a cute cashier at the grocery store,
I was confused as to how much lettuce to buy from the grocery store, so I called my wife.
Turns out two heads are better than one.
Where do pirates store their old files?
In the arrrchives, of course!
Did you hear about the break-in at the Apple store?
The police are looking for iWitnesses.
Man with 2 left feet goes into a shoe store and asks....
"Do you sell flop flops?"
What do pirates store their food in?
Over heard a customer at my store say “OK we’re done let’s hit the road”
I butted in and said don’t do that it’ll hurt.
Damn. Just got fired from my liquor store job. I spilled a bunch of vodka.
It was an Absolut mess.
(Credit Twitter user TheDillonOne)
My wife texted me from the grocery store to ask about our pasta supply.
I replied "we're penneless."
My dad went to the grocery store for a pack of cigarettes.
He came back with the cigarettes but told me he filed for divorce.
I went to a microbrewery and a soft serve ice cream store the other day.
If I was going to steal anything from a store it would be a whisk
That’s just a.... whisk I’m willing to take.
I ordered some ripe, juicy, golden yellow mangoes from a grocery store. But all the mangoes they sent me were green.
Did you hear about the paddle sale at The Boat Store?
Did you hear about the disaster at the department store?
Unfortunately, there were many casual tees.
Grocery Store
I took my son to the store to get some ingredients for dinner. We were having Mexican food, and when we got to the aisle with the salsa, my son stared indecisively at the shelves. After a good minute, he still hadn’t made a decision and I knew my wife would be wondering what was taking so long.
So I told him,
“Son, pick up the pace.”
A hitman named Arti was so broke he took a job for $5 and strangled 2 people at the grocery store
The next day the newspaper read "Arti chokes two for $5 at the supermarket"
The salesman at the furniture store told me, “This sofa will seat 5 people without any problems.”
I said, “Where the hell am I going to find 5 people without any problems?”
I bought an onion. Cutting it burned my eyes so badly I went back to the store to complain.
My wife told me she was going to run to the store
I said “you dont have to, you can take the car!”
I went to the hardware store with a friend and the store had pallets of soil, seed, and fertilizer out front. We both stopped and looked at one of the pallets stacked high with bags of dried steer manure. The sign said, "Strict limit 2 per customer."
My friend looked at me and said, "I guess there's only so much shit you can take."
True story.
What did the shirt and pants say when the shoes tried to walk into the store?
What could a furniture store call examples of seats for kitchen islands or bars?
Metallica should open up a chain of mattress discount stores!
And call it "Nothing else Mattress"
Guess where I store all my dadjokes
What does my son call the grocery store?
The “No” factory! (legit)
The guy at the hardware store tried to sell me a 500 ft spool of rope for $2, but I refused.
A woman with two left feet walks into a shoe store
She asks the manager, "excuse me, do you have any flop-flops?"
What did Pat Sajak say when he walked into the pet store?
How does batman store energy?
Heard y’all like puns (flies were found dead, butter was found at the grocery store in the dairy isle)
When I pulled up to the hardware store I saw a guy running away with a wooden panel. I got out the car and as i got closer to the store i saw two more guys running away with concrete posts. I said to my wife...
..."ugh! People are so quick to take a fence these days"
Never fart in an apple store
There is a famous drug store in my city, because they wear disney costume to cheer up people
the main guy wears a Donald duck costume. I really don't like to go to the store though because my mom always said that one shouldn't take drugs from a quack.
What do you call a store that sells only bagels and donuts?
My wife told me she was going to run to the store
I said “you dont have to, you can take the car!”
Where do you store dad jokes?
A man with two left feet walks into a shoe store:
"Excuse me do you sell flip flips?"
The salesman at the furniture store told me, "This sofa will seat 5 people without any problem."
I said, "Where the fuck am I going to find 5 people without any problems?"
The salesman at the furniture store told me, “This sofa will seat 5 people without any problems.”
I said, “Where the hell am I going to find 5 people without any problems?”
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